


I Felt Your Shape

by somethingtreeish



Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-11 06:27:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 52,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingtreeish/pseuds/somethingtreeish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emmy lives a boring, monotonous, and somewhat difficult life that she would love to escape. After an annoying night of work, and an angry message from her mom, she wakes up in a completely different life - the life she’s always fantasized about and she has no idea how she got there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfiction so I apologize if it's awkwardly written (especially the smut)! We all have to start somewhere, I suppose. If you read this, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thank you so much to my friends Alexa and Sarah over at tumblr (lexfitter and timeisntholdingup, respectively) for helping me BETA! They are seriously the best, without them this story would NOT be happening. 
> 
> ETA: This is a work of fiction. I know nothing about Benedict Cumberbatch IRL, soz.

“I need to talk to your manager!”

“My manager is on vacation, ma’am, which means I’m in charge, and she’s not going to tell you any different than I am. This has always been our policy, it’s on your receipt.”

The customer continues to tell me that she drove ALL THE WAY from a town that is 5 minutes from here. Honestly, do these people not realize that I will lose my job if I just do whatever it is they want? I’m sorry the duvet set you bought five years ago (and slept on it for just as long by the looks of it) is fading, but nothing lasts forever, lady. As she starts to raise her voice, our store’s security guard starts looking over my way. She starts spewing derogatory comments and is finally escorted out of the store.

 

I sincerely hate people.

The lady who waited patiently in line behind the lunatic comes up to my counter.

“Thank you so much for your patience,” I say with my most winning smile. “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

She gives me an odd look, not quite rude, but not quite friendly. “I was looking for some slippers for my mother.”

This lady looks about 900 years old, so I’m quite shocked to hear her mention her mother. I mean, I’m not here to judge, but buying slippers for what must now be dust and bones just seems a bit morbid.

“What size shoe does your mother wear?”

“An eight.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem at all! Let me take you back here to show you what we’ve got left in stock. They usually overstock us with eights since it’s such a popular size.”

The lady follows me back towards our accessories section, makes a decision, and we head back up to my register to complete her purchase. I send her off with a “Have a nice night!” and praise God that there are no other people in line so I can take a smoke break.

I walk back into the break room and grab my cigarettes and a lighter and head out to the back of the store. I light my cigarette, shielding the flame with my body against the cold December wind, and take my first drag. The heavy smoke fills my lungs and I breathe out in relief. I know smoking is horrible, but my God, is it brilliant after a stressful situation. That familiar buzz starts in my fingers and I begin to relax. I sit down on the bench next to our store’s smoking post and finish my cigarette.  
As I’m putting out my cigarette, I see the old lady I helped before my break. I stare at her for a minute when I notice something fly out of her purse. I run over to where it dropped and pick it up.

"Ma’am! You dropped this!" I run to hand her the money she dropped and she turned around looking unsurprised to see me holding out a hundred dollar bill and panting for breath.

"Thank you, child, you are very kind." Child.

"Of course!" I continue to pant. She continues to look at me.

"That lady was very unfair to you earlier," she says in a calm, even voice.

"Yes, well, I’m used to it!" I say, trying to smile through my heavy breathing. I should really quit smoking.

"You shouldn’t be."

"Somebody’s got to deal with these people. Might as well be me!"

"Is this what you want to do with your life, dealing with irate people all day?" she asks in a flat tone.

I try not to bristle at her question because it’s none of her business, but I answer in a clipped tone anyway. “I have a degree in psychology but so do half the college graduates in the country it seems.”

"Are you married?" This lady is on a roll.

"I’ve never really found anyone that tickles my fancy long enough to make it last so I am sadly left to make due with pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch."

"Hmmm," she hums noncommittally. She is obviously unaware of his beauty.

"Well, I should be heading back in! I hope your mom enjoys the slippers!" I give a little wave and walk back towards my store. When I reach the shadows of the back of my store, I look back nosily to see what kind of car she gets in, but she’s already gone. Whatever.

The night finishes in relative peace. No more irate customers. No more weird old ladies. I am so ready to leave when I clock out that I don’t even stop for a smoke break before I get in my car.

When I return home, I walk into the kitchen and see that my answering machine is blinking. I sigh and hit play knowing who it will be from. My mother is paranoid of cell phones and refuses to call mine so I have to keep a land line so that I can get these ridiculous phone calls.

"Emmy, you haven’t called in 2 days! I can’t believe I raised such an ungrateful little bitch. I bet it’s because you haven’t lost any weight and you’re too ashamed to talk to me about it. You’re always going to be fat and disgusting, just like your father was. And you’ll die just like your father did, fat and alone, especially if you continue to not call the only person that will ever love you."

She must have thrown the phone down because there was a loud slam, and then the sound of her attempting to put it back on the hook. These messages are constant, and get worse the longer I don’t call her. My mother is completely insane, and has always been this way. I know she has an illness and that I’m just supposed to look past it and forgive, but sometimes it’s difficult. It feels like she tries so hard to make me hate myself, and the more she sees that I don’t, the harder she tries. Whatever.  
I delete the message, change into my pajamas and make myself a giant bowl of ice cream. I can call my mom back tomorrow. Tonight I’m gonna eat this ice cream, go to bed, and pray for good dreams.

~~~

I am rewarded with good dreams almost immediately. I am in what looks like a rich person’s bedroom. There’s a gigantic bed to my left, with the squishiest, cuddliest looking comforter I have ever seen. I am standing on a white shag rug in the middle of a dark, hardwood floor. There’s a chill in the room that gives me goosebumps, and when I look down I realize I am wearing what I would consider a very bold choice for sleep wear. Nonetheless it holds my stomach in and makes my tits look fantastic. I am admiring my chest when I hear the bedroom door open. In walks Benedict Cumberbatch.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I feel exposed and embarrassed but I quickly push that feeling away. He walks slowly towards me with a hungry look in his eyes. Once he reaches me his eyes soften and he cups my face with his hands.

"Emmy, my darling. Did you wear this for me?" He slides his warm, pleasant hands down my face, my neck, over my breasts, and finally rests them on my hips. He takes a moment to appreciate what I’m wearing before looking back at me. I’ve never had a man, or anyone other than myself, really, look at me this way before, like I’m the most amazing thing he’s ever seen.

I nod, at a loss for what to say. He smiles as his hands move to my ass to pull me closer. I can feel his need for me pressed against my stomach and my insides start to melt. He bends down and captures my lips with his. His kiss is gentle at first; safe, warm. His right hand moves up to thread through my hair and gently tug my head back, exposing my neck so that he can kiss there too. It’s been a while since I’ve been touched this way other than by my own hand, so it takes no time at all to feel the heat begin to pool below.

Emboldened by my lust, I step back from him and grab his shirt front and lead him to the bed. The bed is tall, and I climb up as gracefully as I can, get on my knees, facing him again. This time I thread my fingers through his hair and bring his face closer to me so I can show him with my lips how much I want him. I can’t kiss him hard enough, fast enough to convey how turned on I am right now. His hands are all over me, burning everywhere they touch.

He climbs on the bed himself and pulls me into his lap so that I’m straddling him. It’s a bit of an awkward struggle getting into this position but we both laugh and it’s comfortable. All awkwardness is forgotten once he begins to kiss me again.

His hands are everywhere, squeezing my soft thighs, moving up and gripping tight my ample hips, his face now in front of my large and heaving breasts. He’s breathing hard as he moves his hands up to the straps of my nighty and pulls them down. He quickly looks me in the eye before he moves his eyes back down and pulls the entire front off. My tits bounce pleasantly out of their prison. His mouth drops open a bit as he stares at them. These have been the bane of my existence my entire life, but I must say they make sex a lot more fun. Benedict slowly moves his hands to hold them. He feels their weight as he moves his head down to kiss the left, and then the right. There is something incredibly sexy about seeing a man worship a part of your body that he doesn’t have himself, and Benedict is no exception.

Watching his face being taken over by my breasts makes me feel powerful and my body begins to grind slow circles into his lap to relieve the tension that is quickly building up. My hands grip his upper arms tightly while he works my nipples with his mouth. My entire body is on fire for him, and I can tell by his heavy breathing that his is for me as well. As he sucks hard on one breast and his hands move to my ass and pull me closer to him. I can feel the burn in my legs as my legs spread wider to accommodate him. After a bit of this he grabs my shoulders and pushes me down on to the bed with a growl.

“I can’t wait anymore, sweetheart, I need you now.”

“You have me.”

He deftly pulls his shirt off and makes quick work of his jeans and underwear while I tear frantically at the hilarious excuse for panties that I have on. I finish before he does, and I back myself up to the pillows and spread my legs, beginning to play with myself to relieve some of the incredible tension that’s taking over my entire body. Once he catches sight of what I’m doing he growls again. He crawls over me, moving my hands away in the process.

“Mine.” Fuck that’s hot. He replaces my hands with his.

“Emmy, fuck, you’re dripping. Do I make you wet, baby? Do you like when I play with your massive, delectable tits?” His voice is so low and gravelly and I swear I can feel it through out the entire lower half of my body.

“Oh yes, God, yessss I love it.” He has two fingers swirling around my clit, and he slowly moves them down to enter me. My hands have a death grip on duvet as I work myself on his fingers and spread my legs even wider to try and get closer to him. I feel like I’m going to explode.

He continues fingering me as he begins sucking on my breasts again. I can feel an orgasm start to build and the bastard must have sensed it because he stops everything. I make a noise of protest and he slides his fingers slowly up my body and slides them gently in my mouth and then into his. His other hand is slowly pumping his nicely sized cock. I sit up toward him and pull him down on top of me.

“Now.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. He takes my leg and wraps it around him and does the same to the other. His dick is rubbing against my slick heat and I reach down to help guide him into me. He wastes no time ramming into me hard.

“FUCK, you’re so hot and wet.”

“Christ, you feel so fucking amazing. Harder, Benedict!”

There’s so much heat and pressure in my cunt that it feels as if nothing can relieve me. The sounds of our moaning, grunting, screaming and the wet sounds our bodies make as they come together are turning us both on more. I arch my chest up to feel the friction of his chest sliding on my breasts and I can feel the sweat dripping off both of us. He fucked me with the most incredible intense passion - as though every single fan fiction I had read about him had merged and come to life.*

My orgasm begins to build once again.

“Oh God, just like that, don’t you dare stop.”

“Ahhhhh fuck, like I’d want to. You feel so fucking good, darling, my dick feels so good inside your hot wet pussy.” He punctuates the last three words with his thrusts and I cum harder than I ever have before in my life. My nails are clawing down his back trying to tether myself to something so I don’t fly away while my entire body explodes in ecstasy. Somewhere I can feel him moaning, hear him yelling my name, as his hot seed spills out into me.

At some point, we both come down and he slides to the side of me. We are both covered in sweat, and I suddenly realize the top of my neglige never made it all the way off. I honestly couldn’t care less as he wraps an arm around me and pulls me to his side. He gently kisses my lips and sighs, and we drift off as our breathing returns to normal.

~~~

We all must wake up sometime, and as I do this morning I stretch and am greeted by a pleasant soreness in my lady regions. I’m reminded of my dream last night and wonder how intense it would have to be to make me sore down there. Just as I begin to reminisce the finer parts of said dream, an arm wraps around my stomach and a delicious voice whispers in my ear.

“Good morning.”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT-” I yelp as I jump from the bed, the very soft, comfortable bed that is NOT mine and land on a hard, cold, dark wood floor. I slowly turn towards where I just jumped and find a bemused Benedict Cumberbatch. I stare at him as he looks me up and down.

“Emmy! What the hell,” he laughs as he reaches out towards me and runs his hand lovingly down my stomach.

What. What what what what what. WHAT. Oh, fuck, am I NAKED?! You know that look Ron Weasley has in the Chamber of Secrets movie when he and Harry get stuck in the Whomping Willow? I’m pretty sure that’s what my face looks like now. Part of me is waiting to wake up and the other part is realizing that I AM awake and I need to somehow work my face into that of a…..

Oh my God, he just got out of the bed and HE IS NAKED TOO. He kisses me softly on the lips, pats my bare ass and walks towards what I assume is the bathroom.

“I’m going to take a shower, I’ve got to be at the studio in an hour. Are you joining me?”

“Ummm. Umm I am going to do. Something.”

“Suit yourself,” he says with a smile and a wink.

Suiting myself is exactly what I plan to do. I run to the chest of drawers across the room from the bed and start digging around to find anything to cover myself. As I’m pulling a shirt over my head I notice some framed pictures of him and me on the dresser. In one, my arms are wrapped around him while he’s kissing my head. In another, it’s him and me and other people I don’t know laughing and standing with our arms around each other.

Okay. Let’s think about this. I must still be dreaming. I mean, maybe something fell on my head while I was sleeping like in Donnie Darko. Yeah, maybe I’m dead? Or am I crazy? Maybe the mental illness DIDN’T skip a generation! I mean, maybe I’ve finally had a complete psychotic breakdown. My mind drifts over the events of last night and as psychotic breakdowns go, this one is pretty good. So either I’m crazy or dead or having an extremely vivid dream that I can control. I’m interrupted from my thoughts when Benedict comes up behind me and puts his arms around me. I almost keep from jumping but I try to make up for it by turning around and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m about to leave, sweetheart, what did you want to do for dinner tonight?” He says in his deep, sexy voice. It takes about all I can do not to pass out on the floor from stress, shock, and swoony-ness.

“Oh, we can do whatever you like. Give me a call on your way home and let me know what you decide.” Thank GOD for being in drama club in high school. Not that I was ever in any plays, but I saw people in plays and brought them water so….

He hugs me, winks again (does he have something in his eye??), and saunters out of the room whistling. I stay in the same spot he left me in. I hear the door shut and lock and hear a car start and leave. I make my way over to the bed, sit down, and start freaking out.

What the fuck is happening. This is all so real, I mean, what’s that quote? I think, therefore I am. Doesn’t that mean if you’re thinking then you’re real? So am I real? Is this real? I start breathing fast and before I know it I’m hyperventilating. I slide down to the floor and put my head between my knees and try and calm my breathing.

As my breathing beings to calm I think: No. You know what? Fuck it. My real life sucks. I’m going to go with it because this isn’t that bad, really. And if I am dead I hope my mom feels bad for leaving that shitty message.

*Thanks, Sarah!!!


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Ben this chapter, but he'll be everywhere in the next! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and left kudos! It means a lot to me that you took time out of your day to look at something I've done!

Armed with my decision to just go with whatever this is, I begin to look around the room for clues as to what I do and who I am in this... scenario. I see a gorgeous red purse on a table by the bedroom door and I pick it up and set it on the bed. I'm assuming it's not Benedict's so I open the flap.

Inside the purse I find:

\- Cell phone  
\- Hair ties  
\- Old sales receipts  
\- 4 different lipsticks, all slightly different shades of red  
\- Gum  
\- Paper wadded up with old gum inside  
\- Empty water bottle  
\- A wallet

I dig inside the wallet and find that it is full of money. I think this is money anyways, I should probably research it. Anyways, aside from that, there are credit cards, store loyalty cards, and business cards with my name on them! Now we're getting somewhere!

The card reads:

Emmy Bracken  
Drama Psychology Consultant

Okay... what does that mean? Drama Psychology Consultant? I pick up the phone I found in the purse and notice that it's the same kind I had before. I press the button that brings it to life and see that it is 7:45 am on Monday, December 1st. I google the address on the business card and see that it isn't that far from where Google Maps says I am now. I decide to go take a shower and and get ready and walk there. 

~~~

Sooo, maybe it took me a while because new me has TONS of fancy hair products and make up that old me (and really current me) have no idea what to do with. And the clothes! THE CLOTHES! I had such a hard time finding anything that fit well because I am what you would call ROUND but everything in this closet fits me perfectly and makes me look even hotter than I already am. This Emmy also has the name brand spanx! I hope it doesn't raise any alarms that I am strutting my ass because I mean, as good as I look, there's really no other way to walk.

 

I may have also discerned that Benedict doesn't live with me because there is nothing of his in this place, aside from a toothbrush and a drawer of pajamas and underwear. It's completely decorated to my taste and it may also be a little (a lot) disorganized and full of random doodads. It's nice that he still had sex with me with a giant Harry Potter shrine on the wall next to my bed, is what I'm saying.

Quite pleased with myself, I use Google Maps to help me walk to my office. Can I just say... London is GORGEOUS. Or at least this part of London is. It's old and new all mixed together. I lived in a small town that got big really fast so nearly everything was brand new. This place is so magical to me that it adds to my growing belief that this is some sort of Heaven and I am dead.

The elevator lets out to a small reception area. Sitting at a sleek metal and glass desk is a friendly looking woman who looks to be in her early twenties. She has blood red hair, pulled back in a chignon and the cutest cat eye glasses I've ever seen. She is on the phone when I walk in and she smiles brightly and waves, a red pen in her hand. She looks back down at a large calendar on her desk and writes something on it, and I look at the plaque that sits in front of her to find her name is "Kendall Arkwright."

 

Kendall finishes her call and greets me with a great amount of enthusiasm.

"Emmy! How are you this morning, lovely?"

"Great... thanks!" I try and muster the same amount of enthusiasm.

"Your 11:00 am is waiting in your office. He got here a little early." She winks at me.

How exactly am I supposed to ask her what I'm meant to be doing without sounding ridiculous?

"Great! Errr.. What's he in for again?" I whisper to her.

"Ahh, up a bit late with Ben last night, were we?" She winks again.

"Ah, well you know." I'd blush if I knew what the hell was happening.

"Well, you are to help Mr. Hiddleston with his new stage role. Nothing major, he just wants to hear what you think would be going through his character's head and compare notes."

I can feel my eyes growing extremely large and I'm afraid my eyeballs may actually fall out of my face. If Tom Hiddleston is just right through that door waiting for me to help him figure out Shakespeare I am going to SHIT! I know nothing about Shakespeare! I enjoy hearing others explain the stories to me, but actually reading it bores me to tears. Kendall nods reassuringly at me and I smile weakly and turn the knob on the door.

I walk into the office and sure enough Thomas William Hiddleston is sitting on a couch in front of a desk and he turns and grins at me.

"Emmy, love, how are you?" He shoots up and pulls me into a huge hug. Although I am completely freaking out over what I'm supposed to be doing, my mind takes a minute to marvel over how freakishly long his arms are.

"I'm doing great, Tom, how are you?"

"Oh, marvelous, you know me."

"So, what are we working on today?"

Tom launches into the things he's thinking for the character and thank God he's wordy because I barely have to speak. Eventually I start to understand what he's asking for and for the first time in a while I can actually use what I went to college for. It helps that I'm not analyzing an actual patient, I never really trained enough for that, but discussing the psychology of a fictional character?? I was born for this.

Tom and I are at it for about 2 hours before Kendall knocks on the door to let me know my next appointment is waiting. I'm shocked at how fast the time passed. Bolstered by my success with Tom, I'm starting to feel really good about everything that's happening here. We say our goodbyes and with a hug goodbye to Kendall, he leaves.  
~~~~~~~~~

I had two more appointments, one with a writer and one with another actor. They both went really well and I really, really enjoyed it. It also took my mind off of the fact that I have no clue what's going on.

After my last appointment, I walked out to the waiting area and stood in front of Kendall's desk. Maybe I can needle some more information out of her without just coming out and telling her that I just appeared here last night.

 

"Woo! What a day! What are you up to tonight?" I ask in what I hope sounds like a friendly, normal manner.

"Oh just going home and working on my book! I'm to a really good part and I'm well excited. That reminds me though, Benedict called and he wants to meet at Guarisco's. Aaaaand your engagement ring came back in from being sized!" She then pulls a velvet box out from her locked desk drawer and holds it out to me.

 

I stand there, mouth agape, eyes wide. I'm trying to move my facial muscles into any other expression than that of abject terror. Engaged??? ENGAGED??? I mean... if this is heaven or whatever then fine, but I barely know him! He's hot and all, and he seems nice enough but ENGAGED? We must have a pretty detailed history if we're going to be bound together for life! When are we getting married? Where? Do I have friends here? Am I supposed to be talking to them about anything? What happens when this all comes crashing down because I don't know who anyone is?

Kendall must sense my worry because she walks around her desk and leads me to one of the chairs in the lobby. She takes a seat on the table in front of me and takes both of my hands. The gesture is so kind, and she seems so warm and has such a kind face that I start to tear up.

"Emmy, sweetheart, I know this entire thing is a lot to take in. I know a lot of girls who go through this very thing! Your life changing all at once, breaking away from all that you once knew and starting something completely different with somebody else! That's enough to make anyone overwhelmed!"

"But.. How do you know?" I ask, eyes wide once again, worried that she's somehow figured me out.

"Darling, everyone feels that way when they've gotten engaged! It's almost a right of passage!"

"Oh.. right. Well then, I guess I better call a taxi or something to get to the restaurant on time."

"I've got that, you go take a fag break and I'll let you know when your car has arrived." She embraces me once I stand up and I gratefully return it. I feel very close to her already, and I can tell why I hired her. And actually, a cigarette sounds so good right now. She's going to be a huge help to me here.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes at the end!

I spend the ride to Guarisco’s staring blankly out of the window. Navigating through this life seemed easier this morning, but now that I know Ben is my fiancee, it is beyond ridiculous. I feel like I’ve just been dropped into someone else’s life, which I guess I have. So far there have been tiny traces of me, my degree, my hobbies, my tastes. I like to think that I had a decent amount of confidence before this, but this Emmy seems to have everything going for her. It’s too good to be true and I am scared to let my guard down.

Once the taxi reaches the restaurant, I see Ben waiting out by the door. He smiles when he sees me through the window and I reflexively smile back. He runs to the door to let me out, pays the cabbie, and shuts the door.

"You look beautiful."

"I’ll do." I smile tentatively at him.

He puts his hand at the small of my back and leads me into the restaurant. We walk up to the host.

"We have reservations for 2 under Bracken."

"Yes, sir, right this way." The host leads us to our table near the back and pulls out my chair.

"Awwww, thank you so much!" I give him a giant smile and inwardly cringe at how southern that just sounded. The host looks pleased, but confused and lets us know our waitress will be with us shortly before he saunters away.

I get settled in my seat and put my purse down. As I’m picking up my menu, I look up at Ben and he looks like he’s going to piss himself.

"What was that about?" He’s laughing out loud now.

"What? He pulled my chair out! Would you rather I have slapped him in the mouth?" I take a sip of the water that a waitress has just poured for us.

"No, but you made it seem as if no one’s ever done that for you before!"

Oops. “I can be pleased that someone is polite to me, Benedict.” I wink at him in an attempt to make that sound slightly less bitchy.

"Of course you can." He smiles, takes a deep breath, and begins looking at his menu. "Are you going to have the calamari?"

"Eughh no." As I’m scanning the menu, purposely avoiding the seafood section as I can’t stand it, I realize I haven’t eaten at all today. "The pizza looks really good, I’m going to have one of those." I look over my menu at him and he’s eyeing me quizzically. "What?"

"Why is the calamari suddenly ‘eughh’?" I laugh at his exaggeration of me. "You had it last time we were here and loved it!" Well shit.

"Yes, well, I thought about it later and came to the conclusion that squid is disgusting. I mean, it’s so slimy and the texture and blech. I like pizza now. Pizza is cool." I smile really big and hope he thinks that my Doctor Who reference was cute. He smiles and his face crinkles as he chuckles. God he’s gorgeous, what even is he? I feel a sudden intense affection for him and I reach across the table to grab his hand. He smiles at me again and looks back at the menu, leaving his hand for me to hold.

"I hope you’ll forgive me, but I think I’ll get the disgusting calamari this time," he says as he puts the menu back down, and takes my other hand.

"You got your ring back today! Does it fit okay?"

"Like a dream! Have I told you yet how beautiful it is?"

"Yes, about a million times. It’s not as beautiful as you are, though."

"Awwwwww, shut up." I slap his hands away and fan my face which I can feel turning red.

"Ha! You’re ridiculous."

The waitress comes to take our orders and we fall into pleasant conversation about our days.

"How was it at the studio today?"

"It was fine, boring actually. Just going over some of the press stuff for Sherlock, trying to pin down dates for filming series four. How about you? Any interesting clients? I talked to Tom earlier and he said he came in today."

"Ah, yeah he did. I don’t know why he came to see me, he seems to have the part pretty locked down. I mean he talked the entire time! I said a few things here and there but it was mainly him. Not that I’m complaining, it makes my job easier – Thank you so much!"

The waitress sits our plates down and my mouth waters looking at cheese oozing on my pizza. My survival instincts take over and I grab a slice and cram half of it into my mouth as I moan. Fuck, this is so good. This place seems kind of nice so I didn’t know if it would be one of those weird fancy italian pizzas with more sauce than cheese but this is the real shit. Once I start to chew, I open my eyes to see Benedict and our waitress looking at me with wide eyes.

"What? Were we supposed to pray or something?" I say with a mouth full of food.

"No, sweetheart, but she was going to cut your pizza for you."

I look down at the pan and see that I hadn’t actually grabbed a slice of pizza, I had instead torn off a big uneven chunk and taken about half the toppings and cheese with it. Shit.

"Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I haven’t eaten all day! I’m such a pig! Here, you can cut up what’s left! It’ll be perfect!" I can feel my face melting in shame and amusement. When I’m embarrassed I can’t help but laugh uncontrollably and I manage to wait until the waitress walks away to cover my face and burst into silent, wheezing laughter at how stupid I must have looked.

"We can never go out in public again!" I groan through my fingers. "How are you marrying me?!"

"Because you’re good for a laugh!" He puts his hands around my wrists and pulls my hands gently away from my face. "And you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you." He kisses my cheek and moves back into his seat and starts eating his dinner. "You know, this calamari really is good!"

"I’m sure it is, but I can exclusively tell you that it smells like shit. Do you want a piece of this?" I point to the pizza with the crust left over from the piece I inhaled earlier.

"Yes, please." I pick up a piece that hasn’t been affected by my outburst and sit it on his plate.

"Cheers!"

Once we’re done eating and the bill has been paid (He refused to let me pay which is great because I had no idea what any of the bills in my wallet mean) we leave the restaurant and Benedict hails a cab.

"Want to come back to mine tonight? Mum brought by a cake earlier and we could have it for desert."

"Of course! What kind of cake is it?"

"Lemon Drizzle, I believe."

"That sounds delicious, I can’t wait."

As we’re standing there a woman walks by that I feel like I recognize from somewhere. Before I can get a better look at her, a cab finally pulls up next to us and Ben opens the door for me. I climb in and try to look back at her out of the window but she’s already gone. I’d say it was just my imagination but who knows anymore.

As we set in the back of the car together, he puts his arm around me and I put my head on his chest and he kisses the top of my head. He feels so warm, and so familiar that I can’t help but be immediately comfortable. He also smells like sex. He has that smell that is distinctly masculine. Kind of sweaty but sweet but also musky. I have no idea how to describe man smells, but trust me that his is nice.

"You have a nice smell."

He chuckles. “I really try hard.”

I look up at him and smile. I sit up and face him, pulling my foot under my leg to get comfortable. “So, Ben. Tell me your favorite memory of me.”

"There are so many. The pizza thing from earlier was pretty good."

I laugh and hit him on the leg. “No I mean… from before today.”

"Well, then last night was pretty fucking good too."

I can’t help but blush, but this time I rub his leg instead of hitting it. “No! You know what I mean!”

He’s laughing as he says: “Actually, no I don’t!”

"What’s your FAVORITE memory of the two of us together. Something that you think about and it makes you smile that didn’t involve me naked or embarassing myself!"

"Ohhhh well that I’ll have to think about!"

"You’ve got until we make it to your place!"

"Alright then, get back over here so I can think. It’s cold and you’re really warm. I can’t think when I’m freezing my bollocks off."

I sigh and click my tongue but scooch over to him anyway. This time I put my arm around him as well, close my eyes, and smell. I let all thoughts go out of my mind and enjoy snuggling in the back of a cab with a man who smells nice and seems to love me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut will return next chapter! I'm drinking wine and writing it right now!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut! You have been warned!

When we make it to Benedict's place, he unlocks his door and lets me walk in first. There are a few boxes scattered throughout what I can see of his apartment. Once he makes it in behind me, he takes my coat off and hangs it on a hook on the wall. He puts his arms around me from behind and walks me toward the stairs across the living room. 

"What's with the boxes?" I ask as we're walking up the stairs. 

"Ah, I thought I'd get a head start on packing! I know we haven't started looking for places yet, but I have a lot of stuff I don't really use that I don't want to get rid of so..." 

"It never occured to you to just throw it away? I mean if you're not using it!" 

"Oi!" He starts tickling me and I start towards the first door I see which just so happens to be his room, thank God. I run to the bed and jump across it, laughing hysterically, and try to roll away from him. Unfortunately he catches me in his arms, laughing just as hysterically as I am, and tickles my sides until eventually he's kissing me and pulling my top off. I sort of just met him so I'm feeling a bit shy, plus my spanx were a bitch to put on, and I think it might kill the mood if we have to wrestle to get them off. 

"Unhand me! I was promised cake! I will NOT put out until that promise is fulfilled!" 

Ben laughs as I hop off the bed and open the first drawer I get to. Lo and behold, it's filled with panties and pajamas! I grab a shirt and the first pair of panties my hands touch, walk to the bathroom and shut the door. I can hear him walking up to the other side of it.

"I'm going to go cut some bloody cake so I can see my fiancee's tits!" 

"They're nice tits! It better be a big piece!" 

I hear him laughing as he makes his way downstairs. I keep my bra on but tug the spanx off with great effort. I pull on the shirt first and look at the panties I grabbed. Of course they're freaking black and lacey. I try them on anyway, because they're actually cute, and since they look good on me I keep them on. 

Once I get downstairs to the kitchen, I see Benedict has changed into his pajamas as well: a tight white t-shirt and his boxers and I swear I almost came right then. Should I ask for a towel to sit on? I mean damn. He senses me there and turns around with two plates, gigantic pieces of cake on top and a fork on each of them. 

"Is this big enough?" 

"That's what she said!" He groans as I smirk at him. 

I take my cake into the living room and notice some pictures on the mantle. To my immense shock there is a photograph of Benedict, myself, and my mother on a shelf. In the picture, Ben has his arms around both of us, and my mom and I are looking at each other and laughing. I take a bite of my cake and chew slowly to give my mouth something to do besides hang open. My mother refused to have her picture taken before, and I'm pretty sure I have no memories of her actually laughing. It almost brings a smile to my face. 

"You must miss your mum. It's been a year since we've seen her." Ben sits on the couch with his cake and takes a giant bite.

I make a noncommittal humming sound and start looking at all the other pictures in the room. There are some of his parents with both of us, some of different famous people I recognize with Ben, and one of just he and I, that I assume is our engagement picture, judging by how cheesy it is. Cheesy or not, it makes me smile.

"How's your cake, Emmy?" Of course he would ask when my mouth is full.

"Mmmmm real- goo-. Ah wa-ah mawwy aht!"

"Ahhh ladies and gentlemen, the love of my life!"

I chew and swallow my last bite as I make my way to the couch and sit at the opposite end from him. I stretch my legs out and put my feet up against his thigh.

"Whatever! You love it!"

"Indeed. Now get over here, I want to kiss you."

"If you insist." I bring my feet under me and crawl over to him. At first I'm kissing him while I'm on my knees; feather light kisses, ending in a soft smacking sound. Anytime he tries to intensify the kiss, I back my face up and look at him through my lashes. This doesn't last very long, because apparently Benedict is an impatient man, and he puts his hand on the back of my neck and gently, but with a firm grip, pulls my lips into his. He wastes no time escalating my soft, teasing kisses into something directly off a romance novel cover, and I am loving every second. He kisses me like each lick from his tongue is a deep inhale, and each bite of my bottom lip is an exhale from a breath he's been holding in. I give it back to him equally. 

Eventually, I make my way into his lap, straddling him, my knees standing on either side of his hips. I tear my shirt off, exposing my already large breasts, defying gravity in a black push up bra I found in the closet this morning. Ben's hands and eyes make their way down my body, practically panting into my cleavage and then moaning when he realizes he can see directly through my panties.

I feel a mighty power surge through me at his reaction to my body. I put two fingers under his chin to lift his face to mine. I lick his lips, then put both of my hands through his hair and force his lips to mine, as he did to me earlier. Our tongues lick lips, teeth, and each other, as if they had never tasted something so delicious before. One of Benedict's hands had made its way to my panties, moving the shear strip covering my heat aside, and plunging a finger into the slickness that had been gathering since the cab ride home. When I feel him touch me, I open my eyes to catch his own rolling into the back of his head.

"Mmmmm Benedict, baby, you taste like lemons."

He opens his eyes, his lids heavy and looks right into my eyes as he enters two fingers into me. I let out a half moan/half growl as I feel him rubbing me inside, wiggling his fingers and stretching my walls. All of a sudden he pulls them out, making me whimper, but I'm whimpering even more as I watch him draw his fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean.

"And you, my beautiful girl, taste like sex." His fucking voice should be illegal. You think it's sexy normally, but when your lady juices are glistening from the corner of his mouth and he's telling you how you taste.....

"And lemons." He gives a half smirk and I laugh and reach back to unclasp my bra. He takes off his shirt and shimmies his boxers off. Once we're both done, I lean back a little to admire his cock. I didn't mention this before, but he has an extraordinarily beautiful dick. Thick, but not terrifyingly so. Evenly colored, pleasantly rosy at the tip. And intimidatingly long, but obviously nothing I can't handle. I lick my hand and reach to grip it gently. I stroke him and look him directly in the eyes while biting my lip. He moves his hands from my thighs to my breasts, lifts one to his mouth and licks and sucks everywhere but where I need him to. Eventually he makes it to my nipple and sucks it hard into his mouth. He works it between his teeth while squeezing my other breast hard, pinching the nipple between his strong fingers. I can't even concentrate right now, so I stop stroking him and move both my hands to his shoulders and arch my back, making my breasts easier to access. As he hums his approval, the sounds vibrate from my tits directly to my cunt. God he's amazing. I begin grinding against him, hard and fast, unable to control myself.

"Fuck, Ben, you're soooo fucking good at that." I'm breathing hard, like I just ran a marathon; so heavily that I don't even notice that he is too until he ceases working my tits, reaches his hands or my panties and literally rips them off. I'd be pissed if I actually remembered buying them, and I wasn't so turned on that I felt like my vagina was literally going to fly off. As soon as the panties are disposed of, he grabs my hips, lifts me up, positions himself, and slams me down on his dick. Oooooooohhh Godddddddd. We both cry out.

He grits through his teeth: "Ride. Me. Hard." Oh God.

My body is one step ahead as my hips are already swiveling. I use my hands on the back of the couch and my knees to bring myself up and slam back down on him again. Every time I land, I grind on his lap, making HIM whimper. His hands are now squeezing my ass hard, and every now and then he'll spank me. I'm not one to take sex this seriously, where a guy can slap my ass and I don't immediately laugh at him, but I swear I am so turned on right now, he could throw a pie in my face and I would continue riding him like I was a Lady of Rohan. We begin kissing hard again, and he moves one of his hands to my center and begins swirling his thumb around my clit. I can immediately feel my stomach tightening and out of nowhere I am hit with a soul shattering orgasm so intense, that I can only scream out his name over until it becomes a wail of rapture. I collapse against his chest as gracefully as I can, as I hear him whispering my name. In fact, I assume he had the same end I did as I could feel the evidence leaking out of me as we both pulse.

"That was nice," I rasp out, once my breathing returns to normal and I'm able to speak.

"Mmmmmmm," comes his reply, his eyes still closed, a look of complete relaxation on his face.

A few minutes later he speaks again. 

"I've thought of my favorite memory of you. One that makes me smile every time I think about it." 

"Oh yeah, were you thinking about it during all of that?" I poke him in the ribs and he grabs my finger and kisses it.

"Cheeky. No, I thought about it earlier."

"Let's have it then!" I sit back up to look him in the face. He puts his hands behind his head and sighs dreamily, making me laugh. 

"I was in Cardiff filming, and I had had a dreadful day - I found out that I missed out on a role I had been dying to do, because of scheduling conflicts. I hadn't slept well at all the night before, and I had an argument with my manager that ended in me hanging up on him. I called you on my way home and you could immediately tell something was wrong. You demanded I told you and then once I did you said you had to go."

"Sounds like me." He smiles, then continues. 

"So, I get back to the flat, pour myself a generous helping of scotch, and take a kip on the couch. When I woke up, you were there. You were in the kitchen making all my favorite foods - including about 3 puddings. As soon as you saw me, you immediately started trying to cheer me up. You were telling me how there would always be other roles, how if I really wanted to make it happen that you'd rob a bank or start stripping and then make the movie yourself with me as the star. You told me that my manager was a dick for upsetting me, but that he was just trying to do his job. Then you kissed me and told me you'd kick my ass if I didn't go back to sleep."

"You're so lucky to have such a lovely girlfriend." 

"Fiancee." He puts his hand on my hip and rubs my skin with the pad of his thumb. 

"Fiancee." 

 

"That was the first time I realized I loved you."

I try to keep my cool at this revalation, but the confusion of everything going on, the hormones from the orgasm I just had, and knowing that he loves me, sort of, I start to lose it. I begin to cry and hide my face with my hands. 

"Darling, what's wrong?" His soothing, concerned voice makes me feel even more guilty and I start to cry harder. 

"Come on, love, talk to me." 

 

"I.. I just want to be worthy of you. I want to be good enough. I want... I want this all to be real. I feel like everything is so perfect and so amazing and I don't know why it is. I don't know why I'm here, why I'm not some bitter girl working in a store somewhere." I remove my hands and look him in the eye. "Please tell me why I'm here. Why all of this is happening to me. To you." 

He sits up and wraps his arms around me and rubs my back. 

"I have no idea why any of it is happening, but I do know that I'm extremely happy with you, happier than I've ever been in my life. Nothing will change that." He waits a beat and leans back to look me in the eye. "Are you happy?"

I don't even need to think. This has been the best day of my life. "Yes. That's the problem. I'm so happy that I'm terrified something is going to come around and destroy it because I don't deserve it. Doesn't it always happen that way?"

"Only if you allow it to. Do you want to go up?" 

"Up where?"

"To the bedroom?" Ah. 

"Oh! Yeah, I'm just gonna take care of something really fast and then I'll be up there." 

We get off the couch and he hugs me and kisses me on the head. He makes his way up stairs and I make my way into the kitchen to take a couple more bites of the cake. Cake really does make everything better. 

Once I'm done, I follow his path up to the bedroom to find him reading. I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth (I hope I picked the right tooth brush) and then walk to the bed and jump under the covers. I lay on my side, facing him, watching him read his book. Eventually he senses me looking and he looks down at me and smiles. 

"Is the light bothering you?" 

"No, I just like looking at you." I smile back at him and scooch closer to him, praying that he doesn't mind me putting my arm around him. He already feels like an anchor for me, something safe in this bizarre world I'm all of a sudden a part of. It turns out he doesn't mind at all, and he lightly runs his fingers along my arm until I fall asleep.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut! I blushed and maybe I sweat a little writing this bit so if you're reading then I hope you enjoy it ;).

I Felt Your Shape - p5

It's been a week since I "got here" and it has seriously been the best, if also the most confusing, week of my life. My job is amazing, and there are people that work in my building that are so much fun to be around. The job itself is everything I've ever wanted in a job. I get to help people, I get to think, I get to dig into fictional people's brains. It's amazing. Never in my life could I have imagined a job so suited for me. I love it so much.

Benedict is, honestly, one of my favorite people I've ever met. We just click together so nicely. I know it's only been a week, and our situation is very odd, but I feel like I've known him my entire life. He's so funny; everything he says makes me die laughing. He's very loving, he's always touching me or rubbing me or kissing me somewhere. He holds my hand when we walk together, he tells me I'm beautiful constantly. Oh, and did I mention how beautiful he is? God, he's gorgeous. Pictures do him no justice. The voice, the face, the hair, the body; all together it is a very deadly combination. We've had sex every night because it's completely impossible for us to keep our hands off of each other. Every time I look at him my body practically vibrates to be closer to him. It's a sickness. I'm completely addicted and best of all he seems to feel the same way about me.

Right now, it's Sunday night and Ben is packing his bags to go on a trip to America to do something for one of his movies or shows. He leaves for the airport in a few hours and I'm sitting on the bed, wrapped in his duvet, watching him with my bottom lip poked out as far as it can go and making sad puppy noises.

"Why do you have to go? It's so close to Christmas! Santa will be confused!"

"I've left you for longer than this before, sweetheart. I'll only be gone a few days! Not even long enough for you to notice I'm gone." He comes over from grabbing something out of his closet to kiss me on the forehead. I grab his arm and wrap it up in the duvet with me.

"I miss you now!" I realize I'm being petulant, but honestly, other than work, where my mind is constantly occupied, I've been with him. He's been a safe place for me. I've loved being around him so much that it hasn't given me a chance to think about what's really going on. I don't want to have to deal with it.

He sits down awkwardly next to me, seeing how his arm is caught in my trap. He puts his other arm around me and leans his head against my own, duvet covered, head.

"What's wrong, darling? Is something going on to make you nervous about me being gone?" He starts to rock me gently back and forth.

"Yes. No. I don't know, I just hate that you're leaving me. Won't you miss me too?" I'm almost scared to hear his answer.

"I will miss you every single second I'm away. But I'm only a call or a text or a FaceTime away."

FaceTime. I wonder if he's into sexy cyber times. I poke my head out of the duvet.

"You'll FaceTime with me? Like... FaceTime FaceTime?" I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

"There's my girl. And since when have you wanted to FaceTime FaceTime?" He uses my accent and wiggles his eyebrows, mimicking me. Hilarious.

"Since now. I feel like I can't get enough of you! Maybe I wouldn't mind you leaving if I knew I got to SEE you when you were gone." I hide my face again.

"Ha! You have been well feisty this entire week. And yes I will do whatever you want. I am now, and always have been, your willing slave. But...."

I poke my head out again. "But..."

"I want to give you something to remember me by before I go." He slowly lowers the duvet from around me. He kisses me softly before working his way down on his knees to the floor. He motions for me to pull my legs out from under me and once I do, he grabs my feet and pulls me toward him so that my legs are on either side of his body. Oh my God, is he going to... I think he is.

He begins kissing my thighs as he slowly pulls my panties down my legs. He backs up so he can pull them completely off, but then he immediately returns to his position. I'm propping myself up on my elbows so I can look at him.

"Soooo... Whatcha doin'?" I ask as innocently as I can with his head between my legs. When I ask he's running his nose softly up and down my right thigh, kissing a trail towards where I hope he's going to end up.

"I've been smelling something delicious down here all day, and as I'm feeling a bit peckish at the mo', I thought I'd check it out. I hate eating on planes." He continues to make his way upwards as it gets harder and harder to support my head.

"Oh, yeah. What does it smell like?" He brings his nose right on my lips and inhales deeply. Ahhhhhh fuck me.

"Fucking amazing." He brings his fingers up to my slit and spreads my lips apart. He uses his other hand to run a finger all the way from the top, swirling his finger around my clit, and gently down to my opening where he enters them slowly, but not all the way. "Emmy, do you mind if I have a taste?"

"I suppose. I wouldn't want you to starve." I try to sound sexy but it's highly unlikely since I'm finding it hard to form words right now.

"Always so generous." He's using his sex voice. This might not take long. "Put those gorgeous thighs on my shoulders, baby." Hnnnnnnng.

I do as he asks, and as soon as I'm in position, he puts his hands on the outsides of my thighs, stroking them gently. He rubs his nose just along the outside of my pussy, tickling me, making me squirm.

"You have the most gorgeous cunt, Emmy." I'm watching him admire me, completely mesmerized by what he's doing, when his eyes look up and lock with mine. His head moves a bit lower, his eyes still watching mine, and he licks from my opening to my clit, stopping to lavish it with warm, wet kisses. "Mmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmm." 

All of a sudden, my arms decide to stop working and my body falls, not at all gracefully, back to the bed as I cry out a gravelly moan. I can feel the vibrations of his low chuckles between my legs as he wraps his arms and hands around my upper thighs to keep me in place. He teases me by licking lower, focusing on fucking me with his tongue before he moves back up and begins sucking noisily on my clit.

"Fuck, Benedict. Fuuuuuuck, oh my God!!!" I move my hands, which were gripping the forgotten duvet, to pull up my shirt and play with my tits. Benedict must notice this because he growls and starts putting more force behind his tongue. My back is arching off the bed, my heels digging hard into his back. This feels so fucking good, I don't want it to end. I try thinking of unsexy things but completely fail. My orgasm hits me fast and hard, my feet trying to press Benedict harder into me.

"Oh baby, oh God, don't stop. Don'tstopdon'tstopdon'tyoudare." My word turn to sobs when he continues to lick and suck. He lets one of my legs fall to the side and uses that hand's fingers to push inside of me. I know I've completely drenched him when I can hear the *snicksnicksnick* of his fingers pumping in and put of me as he continues to suck me hard.

Another orgasm leaves tears running down the sides of my face, my head going slowly side to side. He licks me softly, once, twice, backs his face up, gently sets my other leg down and comes up to lay beside me.

"Thanks for the snack."

I look over at him and his face is shiny and slick with me and I begin to laugh. He starts laughing too, and eventually I end up on top of him, kissing the evidence of his snack off of him. After a few minutes of this, he looks at the clock.

"It's almost time for me to go. My car will be here in 30 minutes."

"That's stupid. But thank you for the going away present."

"Thank you for sharing a meal with me." He smirks.

"Any. Time."

~~~

Benedict has been gone for a couple of hours and I've distracted myself by trying to figure out his entertainment system. You see, it's suddenly dawned on me that this will be the first morning since I've been here that I won't be waking up with him next to me. What if he's the only thing anchoring me to this place? What if I wake up tomorrow in my old life!? This life is so amazing, everything is so perfect, I can't stand the thought of going back.

So once Ben left, I had a tiny little panic attack and then started working on the entertainment system so that I can stay up all night watching television and NOT sleep. I can't wake up somewhere different if I never wake up!

After a few false starts I finally figure out how this damn thing works. I go into his kitchen to find something to eat. Of course he has no popcorn, so I dig into his secret candy stash I stumbled upon yesterday and grab a bag of chocolates and run back to the couch. Now, what should I watch?

~~~

It's around 4 am and I am physically holding my eyelids open with my fingers while I watch the shopping channel. I'm yawning what seems like every 15 seconds. Maybe laying down for a second won't be so bad. My phone's alarm is set for 5 am so I can get back to my place on time and get ready for work. I can't possibly fall asleep that fast. I'm just gonna rest my eyes. Just for a second...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen when she wakes up?


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some strong words and smutty talk, but nothing too bad. If you read, I hope you enjoy!

I'm still here! Late as shit for work, but still here! I shot up off the couch so quick this morning, jumping into action as if I'd have to fight some invisible foe to take me back here. Alas, no fighting required.

I totally overslept though and had to make an appropriate work outfit from whatever I had at Benedict's place which was not much more than frilly underwear and old t-shirts. I did find a pencil skirt under his bed and paired it with one of his button ups. Of course it didn't button up all the way because most men don't have breasts, especially not as large as mine. Thank God I had a tank top there as well.

So, after a hectic morning of almost killing myself to get here, I am now sat at my desk waiting for my client who also happens to be running late. No big deal though because I've been texting Ben back and forth since I got here.

B: How are you this morning? I miss you x

Me: Great! I stayed up a bit too late last night and overslept, but my first client is running late so it worked out. I miss you too!

B: I can't leave you alone for one day ;) x

Me: Whatever, you're late for everything! What are you doing today? Anything exciting?

B: Just interviews, work lunch, dinner with the producers etc. Wish I was doing you. x

Me: ;) So do I.

B: What are you wearing? x

Me: Ha! Your shirt and one of my skirts I found wadded up under your bed.

B: Sounds sexy. x

Me: Of course it is, I'M wearing it!

B: God I miss you. x

Me: I miss you too. I think I hear Kendall talking to someone, my client is probably here. I love you!

B: Love you too. Send me a picture! x

My client, a young actress still in school, was trying to get all the best angles on a play that she was staring in. Apparently there were talent agents coming to see and she wanted to give a good impression. The poor girl was completely losing it. She had already researched the part to death, so to get her to calm down I asked her to tell me what she knew. From there I asked her a few random questions and asked her to answer me as her character. She did great, and I let her know that she was completely ready and that she would do amazing. She was incredibly sweet! I asked for the play details and promised her I'd come and see it.

This is the problem I had with practicing psychology: I cared far too deeply for the patient, especially after they bared themselves to me, to just let them walk off into the world without ever hearing from them again. I found it hard to disconnect myself from their lives after the hour was up. I suppose I studied psychology because I wanted to figure out where my mom was coming from. It didn't help at all, because knowing the problem isn't fixing the problem. I wish I would have known this before I spent thousands of dollars on college, but at least it seems to be working out for me in this life.

~~~

The rest of the day goes by swiftly as I have a lot of clients coming through. I have about 15 minutes for lunch, and I spend it trying to take attractive selfies to text to Ben. It's hard to get your cleavage, a sultry pout, and sexy bedroom eyes into a picture when you're taking it yourself! But I finally take the perfect one.

(Image) Sitting here on my minuscule lunch break wishing your cock was in my mouth.

After I sent it I freaked out a bit with embarrassment and took a few laps around my desk. Kendall came in half way through my second lap.

"Your one o'clock is here," she said, eyebrows raised.

I finish the lap and sit in my chair. "Thank you, Kendall, send him in!"

~~~

At five o'clock, my last client has finally gone and I pull my cell phone out of my desk drawer. I tried not to check it in the few minutes between clients because I didn't want to be distracted, but I'm totally anxious to see whether Ben has replied or not. I am not disappointed. There are 7 texts, all from Ben.

B: !!!!!! x

B: God you're gorgeous. x

B: My shirt looks so good on you. I want you wearing it when I come home. x

B: I'm having a HARD time, sweetheart. I wish you were here. Or I was there. Inside your mouth. x

B: Your cunt. x

B: Your ass. x

Jesus, is it hot in here?? So fantasy world Emmy does THAT. Interesting. My phone vibrates as soon as I sit it down. Benedict had just sent another text. 

B: Call me. x

I hit the little picture of the phone next to his name and wait for it to ring. He picks up immediately.

"Emmy, Emmy, Emmy. My darling girl. You've been on my mind all day."

"Oh yeah?" I smile.

"Yeah. I just got back from dinner and it was so difficult to make conversation with my colleagues because all I could think about was you squirming beneath my tongue last night." 

"Mmmm yes that was quite nice."

"Quite. How was work?"

I start getting the papers on my desk ready to be filed as I answer him. 

"It was great, although now I'm exhausted. I think I'll sleep a lot better tonight." I think wistfully of the bed at my apartment. Soft, big, comfortable. Ben's bed is good because he's in it but this bed is the stuff of fantasies. 

"Are you going back to your place?" Ben says, distracting me from my bed daydreams. 

"Yeah, all my stuff is there. I can't wear this same outfit all week."

"I wish you would."

"I would smell horrible by the time you got home." I answer him as I start putting the files in their proper folders. I've really gotten the hang of this filing system. I feel so professional. 

"I like the way you smell." I hear him shifting around as he says this and smile thinking of how hard it is for him to sit still. 

"That's because I change my clothes out every day."

"Touché." He waits a beat. "What color are your panties?"

"Benedict!"

"Tell me! Please?"

"I'm not wearing any." I hear him swallow. "I didn't have any at your place that would look right under my skirt."

Silence. 

"Ben?"

"Baby, next time you're taking a vacation and coming with me. I can't stand to be apart from you."

"What's a vacation?"

"Please make it happen. Please please please?" He sounds like a child begging for a puppy. 

"We'll see." I don't know if he can tell but I'm grinning ear to ear. He misses me. He wants me with him. He he he he.

Benedict yawns.

"Oh, you must be exhausted! Why don't you go to bed!"

"But I want to," he yawns loudly, "see you! We have to sexy FaceTime!" He yawns again. 

"I want you fully alert if I'm going to do sexy FaceTime. Just go to sleep, you've had a super long day."

"But I miss you." I can hear his pout through the phone.

"I can guarantee that I miss you more. I'll probably pass out as soon as I get home anyway."

"So be it." Deep breath. "I love you so much, Emmy. I can't wait until you're my wife."

"I love you too, Benedict. I can't wait to BE your wife. Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams, darling."

I feel ridiculous feeling so caught up in him seeing as how it's only been a week, but being dropped in the middle of this seemingly intense relationship must have sped up the process. I mean, it was ME he was in love with, albeit a different me, but still. And obviously this different me was in love with him, and I can totally tell why.

In my previous life, yes, I was attracted to him. I had a tumblr, I read magazines, I'm not blind! But that's not why I CARE about him. He attracts me in ways that other less beautiful people have attracted me. His mind, his personality, his wit. I find myself worrying about his well being when he's not around. This entire experience should be freaking me out, but it just feels so right.

All of this is going through my mind while I sit at my desk after I hanging up with him. My thoughts are interrupted by Kendall opening the door.

"Did you need anything before I leave for the day?" she asks with a smile.

"No, I should be fine. I'm going to leave now too. Let me just grab my purse."

We leave the office together and when we make it to the street I hail a cab and she walks to the left.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kendall! Thank you for working so hard today."

"Any time, Emmy. Call me if you need anything." She smiles and walks off just as a cab pulls up to take me home.

When I finally walk into my place I immediately drop my things to the floor before turning around and locking the door. I walk to my bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind me. I take a shower, brush my teeth, go grab my cell phone out of my purse and walk slowly to my big fancy bed. It looks so comfortable and inviting that I don't even bother putting on pajamas before I jump inside and immediately fall asleep.

And then I dream.

I'm in the store I worked at before. All the customers are wearing what looks like victorian mourning clothes, complete with black hats and veils. When I look down at myself, I'm wearing the same thing but everything of mine is bright white. It's almost glowing.

As I'm walking through the store I see two people dressed normally: Kendall looking at fancy blank journals, and an old lady who looks vaguely familiar by the shoes. All of a sudden my mother's voice comes over the loud speakers.

"Emmy Bracken. Please come to the manager's office."

I make my way to the manager's office and when I enter my mom is sitting behind the desk.

"Emmy, your father had a heart attack. He didn't make it."

I feel the emotions rising up inside me and I try to scream, but nothing comes out. I try to open the door to run away, but it doesn't budge. When I look back at my mom she's gone, and Benedict is in her place.

"I miss you so much, my beautiful darling. I wish you were here with me."

"Benedict, my dad died. What do I do?"

"What do you mean? He's right here. He's been here all along."

"No, Ben. This isn't right. He's dead. He's been dead for years."

I turn around to try the door again and this time it opens, but it's not the HR department that I see: It's the graveyard my father is buried in. All of a sudden, flowers appear in my hands and I walk to his tomb stone to place them in the vase built into it, but once I get to the place that he's buried, his tombstone is blank.

I hear a deep male voice. "Emmy."

I turn around, a bright light flashes, and I wake up.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO MUCH for all your comments and kudos! It honestly means SO MUCH to me! Every single one of them! You guys are the best.

I sat up in the bed, covered in a cold sweat. I wasn't prepared for a dream, especially one that bizarre. As part of me still sort of believed that I was actually in a dream, I wasn't expecting to have a dream within a dream, unless this is some 'Inception' type shit. I don't even want to think about this right now.

I get up out of bed and go to put on a t-shirt. As I walk past the kitchen I'm reminded that I didn't eat dinner last night, so I look through the kitchen and decide that cereal sounds like the best way to rectify that. It seems that fantasy-Emmy favors the smallest bowls ever made, so I pull a mixing bowl out of the pantry and make a proper big girl sized bowl of cereal. I eat it in front of the computer, checking e-mails and playing card games online. For a second I am tempted to google my current situation. Any sane person who found themselves in a completely different reality probably would have done it right away, but any sane person would probably have missed their old life and wanted to go back. I am no such sane person.

Once I'm done I put my bowl in the sink and go get ready for work. Since I'm up early, I've got tons of time to better explore all the make up and hair product that this Emmy has. By the time I'm ready to leave, I am feeling quite fancy.

I make it into the office a little bit early to find Kendall writing in the calendar on her desk.

"Morning, Emmy! You look smart today!" Kendall says with a smile and a wink.

"Well, thank you! I woke up early this morning and thought I'd try something different. You look quite beautiful today as well, though that's not a change from the norm." I smile back at her. "What have we got on the agenda today?"

Kendall goes over the clients I'm talking to today: a writer, a couple of independent film directors, and Matt Smith. She kind of just glossed over that name, as if it didn't mean anything but MATT the fucking DOCTOR SMITH is coming in to talk to ME! To ask for MY advice! I am freaking out and trying my best to hide it when I notice Kendall pulling a fancy journal out of her bag.

"Oh, hey! You grabbing that journal reminds me, I had a dream last night, and you were in it! You were actually looking at fancy journals like that one! I must have seen you carrying it or something."

When I first mentioned her being in my dream she kind of looked a bit wide eyed. Maybe she thought I was going to tell her it was a sexual dream, it's always weird when people have sex dreams about you. She seems normal now though, so I'm sure her fears are alleviated.

We go over a couple of things and I go into my office to get things ready for my first client.

~~~

Throughout the day, Ben and I play phone tag, unable to pin the other down at a convenient time. Finally it is time for Matt's appointment. I'm sitting at my desk, taking deep, cleansing breaths when he opens the door and pops his head in.

"Emmy! Lovely to see you!" He makes toward my desk and I get up and go to shake his hand, but he wants a hug instead. I'm a bit stunned to be hugging the Doctor, to be honest. I wonder if we're friends? Surely he and Ben are friends, I wonder if we've ever hung out together?

"It's nice to see you too, Matt! So, what're you in for today?"

He is up for a new role in a movie about a paranoid schizophrenic and wanted to know the best way to play him. We went over the characteristics of the illness and went over his lines. Have I mentioned how much I love this job? It's incredibly interesting.

Once we're done, Matt asks if I'm his last appointment of the day.

"Yes, actually you are!"

"Are you and Ben doing anything tonight?"

"Nope. He's in New York at the moment doing something for Sherlock so I'm completely alone."

"Why don't you come out with us tonight? It'll be great! Plus there's this girl I'm trying to impress, and if you could laugh at my jokes and talk about how amazing I am, that'd be amazing."

"You want me to be your wing man??"

"Of course! Unless you have something else to do."

"Nothing of note! Sure, I'll come! When and where?"

He gives me the details and asks me to meet him there at eight o'clock. He hugs me and leaves and I leave right after him.

~~~

6 p.m. London Time

Me: Sorry we keep missing each other! I'm going out with Matt Smith tonight. He needs a wingman. If I don't answer, then I'm somewhere too loud for me to hear! Love you! Hope you're having a good time!

6:45 p.m. London Time

B: I just got in from dinner, sorry I missed you! I forgot my phone in the room. I suppose you're getting ready to go out. Call me before you leave!

7:30 p.m. London Time

Me: I tried calling, but no answer! You must be sleeping so I won't keep pressing it. I actually WAS getting ready. I was teetering between looking completely fabulous to make the other girl jealous, and looking like a hag so she doesn't see me as competition. I decided on the former!

Me: (image) Let me know what you think ;) Wish you were here to enjoy the new underwear I'm wearing.

8:45 p.m. London Time

Me: It took all of 5 minutes for Matt and the girl he's wooing to start making out in the corner!

Me: Or snogging, whatever! I wish you were here so I could make out with you in a dark corner.

9:43 p.m. London Time

Me: I forgot how much I love dancing! I haven't done it in FOREVER! Matt and the girl came up for air so I've been dancing around them for a bit! The girl is actually nice, she just left to go get us some drinks! Love you! Wish you were here! Matt says hi!

12:14 a.m. London Time

Me: O h hsit drin ks r much strnogre in England!1 cnat feel my face!@! still dnancing! lov e u miss u!

3:15 a.m. London Time

Me: Hoooome too derunk 2 cali uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

7 a.m. London Time

Me: Kendall, if you can reschedule all my appointments today I will owe you my soul.

Kendall Arkwright: Of course, your load was light today. Hope you're feeling okay!

Me: Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go die now.

Kendall Arkwright: Let me know if you need anything!

~~~

As soon as I wake up I can feel my head threatening to implode. I open my eyes to see what time it is but unfortunately I am facing the window and it is the sunniest day that there has ever been and the rays of sunlight stab into my eyeballs and I groan and crawl back under the covers.

A few minutes later I feel something vibrating by my feet. Keeping the covers above me so as not to let the light in, I spin my body around to get to the source. Ah, phone. I don't look to see who it is as the light is far too bright but luckily when I answer it's Ben.

"Hello?" I sound like utter shit.

"Christ, Emmy. Dare I ask how you're feeling?"

"Ugggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh I am dying. I am never ever drinking again. If I ever talk about or even look in the direction of whiskey, I want you to remind me of this conversation."

"Will do. My poor darling, I hope you're not at work?"

"No. Kendall rescheduled all of my appointments. Apparently I had a light load today."

I roll over to my side and lift the duvet up a little bit to see if there is anything blocking my path to the curtains so I can walk over to shut them with my eyes closed.

"What are you doing now?" he asks softly, bless him.

"Trying to make it to the curtains with my eyes closed so I can shut them. The sun is putting off far too much light today."

Ben chuckles. "Yeah it's been terribly bright after some of my own whiskey fueled evenings. What an arsehole."

"Indeed."

I make it to the curtains and shut them, finding that I have used all of my energy to do so.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuck, Benedict I feel so horrible. I wish you were here. I miss you so much."

"I wish I was there too, Emmy. Just a few more days and I'll be back with you and we can start planning our wedding."

I smile despite the knife that's stabbing into my left temple. "Mmmmm, that sounds nice."

"I've got to run, sweetheart. Drink a lot of water and take some paracetamol." Some what? "I'll call you when I get back to the room tonight! Get some rest!"

"Yes, sir."

"I like when you call me sir." I can hear the wink in his voice.

"If you come home tonight I'll call you whatever you like."

"Tempting! I love you, baby. Talk to you later."

"Love you too." Benedict hangs up, and I slide down the rest of the way until I'm laying on my back on the floor in front of the window. I see the reflection of my alarm clock reads 11:00 am.

~~~

I wake up 3 hours later on the floor with an urge to vomit that is getting stronger by the second. Luckily I make it to the bathroom before it happens. Once I'm done, I chug a giant glass of water. I decide to take a shower, so I turn it on the hottest setting, take my clothes off, and step in.

God, this feels nice. The shower head I have in this life is one of the many items that are superior to my old life. I get tired of standing so I slide down the wall and end up in a ball on the shower floor.

Later on, I'm sitting on the couch watching television when my phone starts making noises. I pick it up and see that Ben is trying to facetime me and immediately press the button. I almost cry I'm so happy to see his face.

"What a beautiful smile, I'm going to start leaving more often!" he says, chuckling.

"Don't you dare! Here.." I make the meanest scowl I can manage. "If you leave me again then you're gonna have to look at nothing but this face for the rest of your life. Is that what you want?"

"I'll take it however I can get it. How're you feeling?"

"Much better. I've had lots of water and like, 5 pieces of pie. I think by the morning I'll be perfect."

"You're perfect now."

"Whatever." I smile big at him. "What are you up to tonight?"

"Well, right now I'm staring down your shirt."

"Lucky you! What else have you been up to? Have you bought me any surprises??? I've never been to New York City!" Oh shit... I hope I really HAVEN'T been in this life.

"Maybe I've gotten you a few things. Maybe not. We'll see how good you've been when I get home." Thank Christ, so no to New York then.

"Hooray! I love presents. When do you get in?! I'm so excited to see you!" I bounce up and down on the couch, knowing it'll make my chest bounce as well. And I'm pretty sure it works because he's taking a while to answer.

"I fly in at 12 p.m. on Saturday. I'm excited to see you too." He takes a small pause. "You're so beautiful."

"Shut it!!!" I say, hiding my face behind my hands. I can hear Ben laughing through the speakers on my phone. Once my face stops melting, I uncover my face and tell him he's beautiful too.

"Well, I've got an early meeting so I should probably get to sleep. I'll be dreaming of you."

"Same here. Love you!"

"I love you too!"

~~~

After my day of being hungover, the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. All of the appointments that had been cancelled on Tuesday got moved to Wednesday and Thursday so I ended up having to work a lot later than usual. It's amazing how not annoying that is when you actually like your job.

Ben has been crazy busy in New York so I haven't spoken to him other than a few texts here and there. However, I have been sending him increasingly erotic selfies since Wednesday morning.

It is now the end of the day on Friday, and I've just seen my last client out to the elevators. When I get back to Kendall's desk, her face turns apologetic and I cringe.

"What is it?"

"You've got one last client. I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about him!" She seems genuinely guilty, and I can't help but smile.

"It's fine! That's just more money for me! I'll be in my office, just send them in when they get here!"

I walk back into my office and start filing away the papers from my last appointment. I'm searching through a filing cabinet when I hear my office door open.

"Hello, I'll be with you in just a second." I finally find the file I was looking for and place the papers in. I hear the door shut and turn around to see Ben coming toward me with an extremely intense look in his eyes. "Oh my God, Benedict!! What are you doing he-"

I am unable to finish the sentence because Ben has currently got me pressed up against the wall, crushing my lips with his own. We're both moaning loudly and as soon as he moves to kiss my neck I attempt to speak.

"Hi." Eloquent.

"Mmmmmffffffffffffff mmmmmmm," came his reply.

"You're home - God, Benedict - early. Any -mmmnnnnffff- particular reason?"

"Pictures." He begins kissing me on the lips. "Mmmnnnnffff hot fiancée." He kisses down my neck to my chest. "Hand not good enough." He pulls my the front of my top down and starts to kiss the soft flesh of the tops of my breasts. As he does this, he begins pulling the front of my bra down. As soon as my nipples are exposed, he whimpers and immediately begins working one with his hand and the other with his mouth. He drops to his knees.

"Baby, I'm so happy you're here - oh shit," he puts his hand up my skirt, bunching it up to the middle of my thighs, grabs the crotch of my panties, and his knuckles rub the inside of my cunt. "Guhhhhhhh, but - oh God - Kendall's in the next room and - hhnnnnngg," he pulls my panties down to my ankles. "I have an appointment..."

He finally looks up at me. "I'm your appointment. Kendall is gone for the day. Now pull your panties off your feet, sit on your desk and spread your legs for me, darling. Heels on." He sits in my chair.

I immediately do as he says. I sit on top of my desk in front of the chair, placing each foot on an armrest and spread my legs as wide as I can. I'm already breathing hard, and I'm sure my lipstick is all over my face because it's totally all over his.

"Mmmm let me see her." He leans forward and I lean back on my hands to get a better view of what he's doing. "Fucking gorgeous as ever." He looks up at me as he moves his hand up to stroke me. "Are you wet for me yet darling?"

Guhhhh. "I'm always wet for you... sir." He looks up at me and I wink at him. He growls playfully and stands up.

"I'm very glad because I'm about to fuck you really, really hard."

"Oh God." He leans down to play with my tits again, and as he does he enters two fingers in and out of me. "More. More, harder please."

He drops back to his knees in front of the desk, and adds another finger. "Fuck, I love watching you stretch to take me in. Mmmm so tight. Soooo wet." The last part was so low it almost sounded like his Alan Rickman impression. Excuse me while my vag explodes.

"Mmmmmm yessssss." God this feels amazing. He goes for another minute, plunging his fingers into me and alternately kissing the insides of each thigh. All of a sudden he removes his hand, and I don't even have time to complain before he wraps my legs around his hips and slams into me hard.

We both cry out, and he never slows down his pace. He is the perfect height to be fucking me on this desk, as he is hitting absolutely everything on me. The fact that were both essentially fully clothed is making this all that much hotter.

"Oh God baby YES!!!!!"

"Fuck, sweetheart, youfeelamaaaazing."

He reaches his hand down and begins playing with my clit and about thirty seconds later we both hit our climaxes.

Once we're done, he leans back to sit in the chair, and motions for me to sit in his lap. I do, after pulling my skirt down and my top back up, and I lean my head back on his shoulder.

"That was a nice surprise."

"I had flowers for you too. I didn't want to waste time with them though so they're out on Kendall's desk. I hope you don't mind."

"You got me flowers?! Awwww, thank you!"

He laughs. "Yes but I was more excited about giving you this."

"Mmmm yes well they were both very nice." I sit up and turn sideways so I can look at his face. "Did you know that I love you? Did you know that you've made me so incredibly happy? I just want you to know that."

"Baby." He smiles his gorgeous smile, the one where his entire face crinkles. "I love you very much too."

And we sat like that for a little while, my head on his shoulder, my legs hanging on his right side as he played with my hair and hummed a song.

I can honestly say that no matter what this life ends up being, whether a dream or an illness, I have never been happier than I am in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think things are going a little too well, don't you? ;)


	8. Chapter Eight

It's been a month since I arrived here basically naked in my apartment, and I've got to say it's been a really really good month. Benedict and I spent Christmas with his parents in the country. Well, they CALL it the country, but really it's like something out of a medieval tale of knights and queens and magic, rather than a dirt road surrounded by grass and hay and the smell of shit that the word "country" conjures up for me. Anyway - his parents are the sweetest people and they seem really pleased that we're getting married. So that's nice.

Out of curiosity, and just good manners I suppose, I attempted to call my mom on Christmas. She seemed very excited to hear from me as apparently I haven't called in a while. We didn't get to talk long as she was at a Christmas party for work, but she said she loved me and that she'd talk to me really soon. She hasn't called me back, and I haven't tried calling her back either.

I suppose I'm just ignoring everything right now in favor of being blissfully happy with a sweet, kind, funny, gorgeous man whom I love and who loves me back. It's good being this Emmy. Of course there's this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that I need to figure this out, but any time she decides to offer up her opinion I remind her of Ben's dick and she shuts up. Or at least I just can't hear her anymore. Reason and logic be damned.

Right now, Ben and I are laying on his couch, him on his back facing the television, and me on my side wrapped around him, my head on his chest. He's playing with my hair and watching a documentary about something incredibly boring that's helping lull me into a peaceful sleep. Every now and then I'll feel him kiss the top of my head and squeeze me a bit with his arm, and then he'll continue watching his show while I snuggle my head deeper into his chest.

It feels like no time has passed, but the television has been turned off and the candle on the table has burned out, and Ben is speaking softly into my ear.

"Sweetheart, let's go get in the bed. We've got a big day tomorrow. I've got a surprise for you." I can hear the smile in his voice when he says this.

"Mmmmmm what kind of surprise?" I slide my hand down from where it rested against his chest to the bulge in his pajama pants.

"Not that kind of surprise, though I wouldn't mind that either." His voice goes a bit lower as I slide my hand down his pants and begin to stroke him softly. I do this until he's fully hard, then pull my hand out, sit up, and hop of the couch.

"I'm just sooooooo sleepy, I don't think I can handle you tonight baby." I wink at him and begin running towards the stairs to his bedroom and tearing off my clothes on the way.

"EMMY!!" I look back and he's running after me, a trail of both of our clothes behind him.

I laugh and scream and jump on the bed and get under the covers. I attempt and fail at making soft fake snoring noises that are broken up by my giggling fit. He gets on the bed behind me, getting under the covers and putting his arm around me. I'm laughing even harder now because this is completely ridiculous and he's being completely serious.

"Ahh, such an angel when she's sleeping. I would hate to wake her." COMPLETELY STRAIGHT FACE!! NO LAUGHING! Fucking actors! I'm sweating I'm laughing so hard, and he's just gently caressing my bare ass while cooing sweet words to me. I am attempting to hold my breath and think of unfunny things when he gently presses his hardness to my back.

That'll do it.

I twist around to face him and he's grinning bigger than I've ever seen him grin.

"Nice to see I still -wield- some power around here."

"Oh har har. Now let's do it before I change my mind." Pftt like I would.

~~~

Benedict wakes me up the next morning to let me know that he's made us breakfast. When he first tells me, I try my best to ignore him so he'll go away (shoot me, it's early) and I thought I succeeded until he came back up again, waving a slice of bacon close to my head. 

"Fine! I'm up!" I take a deep breath in. "Mmmmm it does smell good though." 

"Of course it does." He puts the bacon in my mouth, kisses my cheek, and walks back downstairs leaving me to pee, grab my robe, and follow him. 

When I get to the kitchen, he's got both our plates on the table and is already starting to eat his. 

"You could have waited!" I say in mock indignation. 

"I had no idea how long you'd be, sweetheart. Please accept my apology." He stops eating, his face grave, his eyes large and worried. Whatever. 

I throw my napkin at him and smile as I scoot up to the table and dig in. He really does make the best eggs I've ever had. "So, what's this big surprise you've got planned for me today?? Is it big? Is it shiny? Is it expensive??"

"Oi, slow down! Let's finish breakfast first and then I'll tell you." 

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiine." We eat in amicable silence punctuated by me moaning over a particularly delicious bit of egg. I mean, I moan over food anyway but I always make a big deal out of it when he cooks for me because he looks so pleased when I do. Cutie. 

Once we finish breakfast, we go upstairs and take a shower together. Well, some of it was taking a shower. Mostly it was just a lot of making out. And laughing because I kept pinching his ass when he was washing his hair because he still wouldn't tell me what the surprise was. 

Once we're (mostly) clean and clothed he takes me to the living room. 

"Alright, Emmy. Sit on the couch." 

"Ooooh super serious. Are you pregnant??" I ask in mock concern as I take a seat on the couch as instructed. 

"Yes, I am. Anyways! So." He doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands, and he's sort of pacing, but he's got a smile on his face and he looks SO excited. 

"So! Tell me! I'm dying here!" I bounce around a little bit and then pull my feet underneath me and grab a pillow to hold on to. 

"I'm getting there! Okay, SO... you know how you're going dress shopping this week." 

"Yes, I was there when I planned it."

"Right. Okay, so your surprise is.... I'm flying your family out to come with you!!!" 

I sit there silently for a second. 

"Emmy?"

"My.. family? Who all is coming?" I'm thinking about my mother, and like... that's it really. The rest of our family stopped talking to my mom a long time ago. 

"Your mum and dad!" 

"My dad. Did my mom get remarried?" I say more to myself than to him. 

"No... Emmy, are you okay?" 

"Ben. What do you mean my dad? My step-dad?" 

"Why would you have a step-dad? Your parents have been married since before you were born! You're acting very strange. I thought you'd be excited!" 

I get up and go to the picture of my mom, Ben, and myself. "Why isn't my dad in this picture?" 

"Emmy, your dad TOOK the picture! What is going on with you?" 

Oh God. I drop the picture and hear glass shattering. "Oops." I sound like a robot. 

"Emmy? Emmy, are you alright?"

I stoop down automatically and start picking up the shards of glass, not even remembering that glass is sharp. I don't stop picking it up when I notice the blood dripping from my hands. I can't even feel it, I just need to be doing something. Benedict quickly comes down to where I am on the floor and grabs my wrists to stop me from picking up more glass. 

"Darling, please tell me what's wrong! Tell me what's happened." Somewhere through the haze of shock that is clouding my mind I notice that he looks concerned and a little upset. Looking into his eyes and seeing how he cares for me breaks the spell. 

"Ben," I grab his arms, look straight into his worried eyes and half ask, half beg him, "is my daddy coming here?" He nods. 

And then I cry.

~~~

Somehow I am able to calm myself down long enough to convince Ben that I was just shocked, and that it's been a while since I've seen my parents and I'm hormonal and just about every other excuse I could think of for completely losing it in front of him. I thanked him profusely for flying my parents out, and how much it meant to me for them to be there for me to try on wedding dresses. 

Obviously he's very sweet about it, very understanding. I fall more and more in love with this guy everyday and everyday I become more and more terrified. Not only do I feel like an imposter, but what happens when it all comes out? Is it all going to come out? Am I going to wake up? Am I going to reappear back in my real life? My real life... saying that now makes me cringe. I hate the fact that it's back there, waiting, tainting me with it's misery. So in an effort to feel worthy of this Emmy I have chosen to ignore everything for right now. 

Right now, we are waiting at the airport to pick up my mom and dad, who willingly flew across the Atlantic to see me. My mother who hates me and my father who has been dead for ten years. No big deal. 

I've been tightly gripping Ben's hand since we got here, and have been holding on even tighter since we saw their plane roll up to the terminal. 

"I'm so excited to see them! I haven't seen them since we got engaged! I did talk to your father over the phone to ask for your hand, but I haven't actually seen them. They're always good for a laugh. My parents are excited to see them too! We're all going to have dinner after you look for your dress! I've taken the week off of work and everything!" He's talking incredibly fast and I encourage it by smiling at him. This is so bizarre. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing. What do people do when they're excited to see their parents? What do they do when their parents are excited to see them? Also - how do you react to seeing your father after ten years of him being dead? These are all the big questions I'm pondering when Benedict stands up and says: "They're letting out!" 

I stand up with him and look towards the door to the terminal. Sure enough there are people making their way out of the doors, greeting their family members and friends. My mom is the first to exit. She's alone, but she has a huge grin on her face when she sees me. She runs up and I flinch, thinking she's going to attack, but she just wraps her arms around me and squeals. I slowly put my arms around her as well, a warm hug from my mother feeling foreign. 

"Oh, sugar, you look so BEAUTIFUL! I can't believe my baby girl is getting MARRIED!" She lets go of me and turns to Benedict. "Now, let me get a good look at my future son-in-law!" He holds his hands out, and she grabs them, holding them apart. "Now, honey, you're good lookin', and you got that fancy way of talkin' but you have GOT to eat somethin'! I'm cookin' for you while I'm here!" Ben laughs and pulls her in for a huge hug while they both laugh and Ben tells her he can't wait to eat something of hers. 

I'm too busy staring open mouthed at what was happening with my mom and Ben to notice that someone had stepped up behind me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see a short, greying man grinning ear to ear. My dad - who died in his thirties - standing in front of me, a middle aged man. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 

"Daddy?" My chin starts to quiver and I immediately put my arms around him and squeeze him as tight as I can, as if to keep him from disappearing. 

"Ooof! Oh, darlin', it's been a while, huh?" my dad asks in his southern drawl. God, I never thought I'd hear his voice again. I nod into his chest, unwilling to break the spell with my voice. I didn't even notice that I was crying until I felt my tears go cold on his shirt. He must notice too because he smooths my hair, kisses my head, and tells me he loves me and how much he's missed me. 

Eventually I let him go so that we can go get their luggage. I spent the ride to their hotel twisted in my seat, staring at my parents who are FLIRTING in the back seat! I ask my dad all kinds of questions just to hear his voice. 

Once we get them settled in we leave so they can sleep off the jet lag. I was reluctant to leave my dad's side, but Ben was insistant. I guess it was for the best because when we got back to his place it was my turn to sit him on the couch. 

"Baby, I want to say something, and I don't want you to say anything until I'm done. Alright?" 

"Ok..." Bless him, he has that concerned look on his face again. 

"What you did for me today... what you've done for me. You have no idea the joy you've brought to my life. I can't say 'thank you' enough. There are no words for how grateful I am to have you in my life. You've given me so much. I hope that I can repay you someday, that someday I can give you an amazing life that makes you feel so happy, so incredibly joyous that you're constantly afraid of exploding. I love you, so much, and I cannot wait to be your wife." 

I straddle him on the couch, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him hard. I hear him sniff a little and lean back to see tears starting to form in his eyes. 

"Can I speak now?" he asks with a little smirk. 

"Of course, yes! Sorry!" I look at him expectantly.

"You are very lucky to have me." 

"Benedict!!!!" Laughing, I slap his chest and he pulls me in for a kiss and another hug. I love this asshole. 

I do realize how lucky I am to have him, how lucky I am to have all of this. But things are too good right now. This is too much. Good things DO NOT happen to me! I've made peace with that. I'm okay with that. Why am I sitting around letting all of this happen to me without actively trying to find out what the fuck is going on? I'm making a decision right now while I'm hugging my incredibly sexy fiancee that I am going to start trying to figure out what's going on. Or you know, once my parents leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for reading! And for kudo-ing and commenting! It means A LOT to me!!! You guys are seriously amazing!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos!

This week has been equal parts amazing and surreal. I've spent every moment possible with my parents. No matter what is happening, no matter what reason I may be here, I am taking full advantage of having them alive and well beside me.

The second night they were here my mom and dad came to my place to make Ben and I dinner. My mom wanted to make my favorite, chicken and dumplings. I wasn't aware that was my favorite, especially from her as I don't think I've ever seen her use a stove, but I wasn't going to argue. I stayed in the kitchen watching her make food from scratch, completely mesmerized by her every movement. She talked about different things - work, friends, family. I was enamored completely by her voice as it sounded so different when there was no malice behind it. She also made it a point to tell me how proud she was of me and the life that I've built here. I confess that instead of freaking out like I probably should have, I indulged myself in her compliments having never experienced the like before. Perhaps it's foolish but I couldn't bring myself to care.

My dad and Benedict have gotten along so well. They've been hanging out every day, laughing and talking about me, about the differences between British and American sports (I hate both so I was incredibly bored), and about our future plans as a married couple. I was quite interested to hear that myself, but was unfortunately called away by a client emergency.

The last 2 days I spent with just my parents, no Ben. I have never gotten to experience this, a daughter walking around a new city with her parents. It's like the fantasies I used to have as a child of all of us going on a family vacation.

My parents are flying out tomorrow, but today my mom, my dad, and Wanda, Benedict's mom, are all meeting at a bridal boutique. Wanda knew the lady who owned it and got me in sooner than I would have been able to myself. I feel sort of out of place seeing as how I barely know the people I'm trying on dresses for but I have chosen to indulge myself in having my parents be here for this.

The owner of the salon comes into the room introduces herself as Trudy. She greets Wanda with a hug and kiss and shakes my parents' hands before coming to stand before me. She is short with cropped blond hair and a pretty face.

"And this must be our bride! You are quite stunning my dear!" Well I like her already!

"Thank you so much! I'm excited to see what you've got for me to try on."

The parents leave the room and Trudy starts asking me questions.

"So, you've been engaged now for three months, correct? You'll have had plenty of time to decide what kind of dress you like best!"

"You know, I haven't really had that much time, work has been crazy and you know. Um egagement type stuff has been happening..." I trail off hoping she'll take a hint and quit asking me questions.

"Well then! What kind of dress shape interests you? Ball gown?"

"Definitely not. They're pretty and all, but just not me."

"Alright, so something a little more plain?"

"Oh no! Nothing plain either. Something fabulous that shows off my assets. What's that one kind of dress called? It's an instrument or something! Tuba? Flute?"

"Trumpet?" She says this with wide eyes.

"Yeah! I like those!"

"Well then! We'll grab a few styles and see what you like best! If you'll just disrobe while I'm gone, dear. There's a robe provided in the cupboard."

"Thanks!" As soon as she leaves I take everything off except for my underwear. I find the robe in the cupboard and am putting it on when my cellphone goes off. It's Ben.

"Isn't this bad luck?" I ask.

"What, calling you?" he asks, sounding confused.

"Calling me while I'm trying on wedding dresses!"

"Well, I can't see you! Plus I missed you! I haven't seen you in 2 days."

"I know, I miss you too. But spending time with my parents has been amazing. Watching them react to the way you guys do things here is hilarious!"

"I can imagine. I'm excited for dinner tonight!" Ben's parents are taking us all out tonight for a farewell dinner for my parents.

"Me too! I can't wait to see you. What are you wearing?"

"Probably a suit, why?"

"Not tonight, Benedict! What are you wearing right now?"

"Clothes?"

"You're boring. I'm wearing panties and nothing else and this is literally the coldest room I've ever been in. I was trying to get warm."

"Ahhh, I see." He says, a bit lower, a bit more excited. I hear some rustling outside the door and sigh.

"Never mind, you're too slow. I think she's brought the dresses I'm meant to try on. Love you! I'll see you tonight!" I hang up quickly so as not to be rude when Trudy comes back inside.

She brings in three different dresses. The first one we try on is a strapless trumpet dress with lacey detailing all over. It has a beaded belt around the waist, and the bottom flares out and it has a lacey train. She helps me slip it on and she straps me into it.

"What do you think of this, Emmy?" she asks kindly.

"I think... I think I'm wearing a wedding dress." I take a second to let the little girl inside me who always wanted to be a princess have her moment. "I think it's gorgeous. This is definitely the shape I want."

"Are you ready to show it to everyone?"

I take a deep breath and nod my head.

She walks me down the hall to a room with a thousand mirrors where my parents and Wanda are sitting in fancy looking chairs. She takes me to a little raised circle in front of the bigger set of mirrors that are in front of them. As soon as they see me, my dad cat calls, Wanda gasps, and my mom covers her mouth and cries out.

"My baby! You look so beautiful!"

Trudy starts telling them all about the dress while I look at myself in the mirror. Once she's done talking, I turn around to face them.

"So, what do you all think?"

Wanda speaks first. "I think you look gorgeous, Emmy."

"Yeah, she takes after her old man," My dad says.

My mom comes up to get a closer look at the dress. "I think you make it look beautiful, Emmy."

I start to tear up. "Thank you mommy." I want to hug her but I'm still a bit timid around her. I'm not used to her being sweet.

Once I compose myself I look in the mirror once again. "I really really like it, but it's kind of missing something. Let's try on the next one!"

We go back to the dressing room and Trudy helps me climb out of the current dress and helps me step into the new one. This one has lace sleeve like things, and has lace all down the bodice. You'd think the sleeves would add more coverage but my boobs look completely obscene in this dress! Trudy notices my eyes go wide once she zips me up.

"We can obviously add a panel to the front to make the dress a bit more modest," she says kindly.

"Yes, I think that would be best in this particular dress. It's definitely pretty, just... a little inappropriate for a wedding. Ben would like it though." Trudy and I share a laugh as she helps lead me out the door to the show room.

This time my dad is the first to speak.

"Damn girl! You've got your mom's knockers!"

"DAD!!!!!!! Jesus!" I begin laughing at the look on Wanda and Trudy's faces. My mom is just rolling her eyes and shaking her head. I really missed my dad.

Trudy begins telling them about this dress and I look in the mirror again. I don't like the idea of having to add a panel to be more modest. I'd just like it to contain me but also shape me into something fabulous. Well, more fabulous.

"You know, I'm not sure I like this one that much. It's a gorgeous dress, but just not for me."

"Well, we've got one last dress, dear! I think you're really going to like this one." Trudy leads me out of the waiting area and back into the room.

When we slip on the third dress, I know immediately that this is the one. Once she's got me strapped in, we both gasp. It is the most beautiful dress I've ever seen. It curves in all the right places, the top is a sweetheart cut that accentuates my breasts without making them look obscene. The bottom flares out asymmetrically into airy chiffon ruffles. There's a satin belt around my waist with sparkly, beaded detail.

"Oh my. This is it, Trudy. This is my dress." I'm completely in awe.

"It's beautiful, dear. That dress was made for you." I really like this Trudy.

We walk out to show my parents and future mother-in-law and as soon as they see me their jaws all drop. My eyes immediately begin to water, as do my mom's and Wanda's. My dad is the first to speak.

"Emmyloo, you've always been my gorgeous girl, but that dress." He lets out a low whistle. "I don't know if I want anyone seeing you in that!"

"Daddy! I want EVERYONE to see me in this! Look at me!" I take a twirl in front of the mirror and notice my mom and Wanda wiping their eyes. I look at my mom.

"Do you like this dress, mom? I really hope you do because I'm buying it anyway."

When she speaks it's in a watery voice. "Emmy, you look stunning. And you're not buying this dress, your father and I are buying it for you as a wedding gift."

"Oh my God! No you guys don't have to do that! I've got this! This dress is ridiculously expensive!"

"Sugar, we've got it! Quit arguing with your mother! Now go take that dress off so we can pay for it and get something to eat! I'm starving!" My dad tries to sound harsh, but I know him better than that. He and my mom come up and both hug me, both whispering in my ear how proud they are of me and how beautiful I am. Once they back away Wanda comes up and kisses me on the cheek and tells me that she and Timothy can't wait to call me their daughter-in-law. I nod, not trusting myself not to break into sobs. Trudy puts her hand at the small of my back and leads me back into the changing room. Before we can start taking the dress off, someone knocks at the door and Trudy has to take an emergency phone call.

"I hope you don't mind admiring yourself in the dress for just a few more minutes! I promise I'll be right back."

"No problem at all!"

As soon as she shuts the door, I look back in the mirror. I can't believe I'm looking at myself in a wedding dress. I can't believe my parents were here for this. I can't believe all these wonderful things are happening to me. Just over a month ago I was in complete misery and now... Oh God.

I make the mistake of thinking about everything that's happening too deeply and now I'm starting to freak out. How can any of this be real? How are my parents here? How is my mom normal, my dad alive?? How am I getting married to Benedict Cumberbatch?? What the hell is going on? Why haven't I even tried to figure out what's going on yet?? What in fuck's name is wrong with me!!? I start to go into a full on panic - this dress feels like it's getting tighter every second. I keep breathing in air, but nothing is coming out. Oh what if this all disappears? What if it all goes away? What am I going to do? I don't think I can go back. I don't think I can go back to the way things were! My dad is here! My mom loves me! I don't want to leave Benedict! He would never even know me in my old life! Oh God... Oh God.

I start getting light headed and lean against the wall. Tears and sweat are dripping down my face. I hear some rustling outside and I try to pull myself together and fail completely. Sure enough, Trudy walks in, looking unsurprised to see me in such a state.

"Oh dear, is everything alright?" She places a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, just having a bit of a panic." I try to smile and another tear falls down my face.

"Well, let's get you out of this dress. A lot of brides start to get panicky when they've chosen the dress! It's completely normal." Oh, if she only knew.

I start forcing myself to take deep cleansing breaths and as soon as she gets the back of the dress undone, my breathing has returned to normal. I step out of the dress and put the robe back on. She hangs it up and walks to the door.

"Why don't you put your clothes back on and take a minute to collect yourself. There's a bathroom 3 doors to the right." She points towards the bathroom. "I promise, love, everything will be wonderful. Don't let the wedding jitters get you down!"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you so much for today. I love my dress."

"Of course, dear." She leaves the room.

I turn back around and look in the mirror again. I definitely need to figure this out. I need to know what's happening. My parents are leaving tomorrow and I'm going to spend some time alone at my place and try to research myself. Maybe I can trace this to something. Yes, that's what I'll do.

As soon as I make a game plan, I start pulling all my clothes on. I freshen up the make-up that got cried or sweated off, take a deep breath, and walk outside to meet everyone and head off to dinner.

~~~

We make it to the restaurant and find Ben and his dad already at the table. Ben shoots up out of his chair, grinning ear to ear, and makes his way to me.

"Well?? Did you find one??" he asks as he hugs and kisses me.

"Yes I did. It's gorgeous, I can't wait for you to see it!"

"I might not let you see it, son!" my dad says as he pulls out a chair for my mom.

"My dad thinks it's too pretty to let anyone see, if that tells you anything." Ben laughs at this and pulls my chair out for me as well. He sits down next to me, scooting his chair closer to me.

We all make polite chit chat throughout dinner. Everyone gets along really well, which is really nice. I'm trying not to think about my freakout from earlier so that I can enjoy this time with everyone. Luckily I'm very good at internalizing.

Once we're all done eating, the parents begin to make their way out of the restaurant.

"I've got to use the restroom. I'll meet you guys outside," I whisper to Ben.

"I'll wait for you in here. I'll let them know where you are." He winks. Hmmm.

"Thanks baby." I make my way to the bathroom, which is in a darkened cove in the back. I open the door to the ladies and am pleased to see it's got separate stalls with walls and doors that shut all the way. I'm going to start coming to fancy restaurants all the time! I love a nice bathroom.

All of a sudden the door opens right behind me, making me jump. I turn around instinctively to see Ben poking his head in the door.

"What are you doing, Ben! Jesus you scared me!"

"Is there anyone else in here?"

"I don't think so, all the doors are open..." I trail off as he comes towards me, pushing me into one of the nicely sized stalls.

"Benedict Cumberbatch! This is a public place! Our parents are outside!"

"They went to a shop next door, they'll be in there for ages." He pushes me gently up against the wall and begins to kiss me. He smooths his hands down my sides until he gets to the bottom of my skirt and moves them back up to my ass. He starts to kiss down to my neck and I take this moment to express my concerns.

"Mmmm, Ben, what if someone comes in? Do you really want this in the papers??"

He pulls back and stands up a little straighter before he moves his hand down the front of my panties and runs his fingers lightly against my slit.

"You'll just have to be quiet. Do you think you can be quiet, Emmy?" Fuck he's hot.

"I can try, I'm not promising anything. If we're going to do it, let's do it before someone comes in here!"

"My pleasure," he purrs and begins kissing me again.

We both start tearing at each other's clothes, him pulling my shirt off and me undoing his pants. He bends down to deftly pull down my panties. He lifts one of my legs over his shoulder and immediately shoves his face between my legs. He wastes no time, and begins lapping at my clit with vigor. I'm finding it extremely hard not to scream out right now, so I bite my fist. He is so fucking good at that! I start grinding myself on his face and he hums softly into me in response.

He can tell I'm close because I begin whimpering and sliding down the wall I'm leaning against. He gently moves my leg off his shoulder and stands up straight. His eyes are on fire and he is breathing heavy but quietly. He puts an arm behind my back and lifts me up so that I'm trapped between him and the wall. There's a convenient little bar on the wall behind me so I put my hands on it to help prop myself up and take some of the weight off of him. I wrap my legs around him to hold on, and he pulls his cock out of his pants, strokes it a few times, puts it at my entrance and slams himself inside.

My head immediately goes back and my mouth is wide open. Ben is thrusting into me so hard I'm surprised the wall hasn't given behind me. My hands are gripping the bar behind me so tight I feel as though my hands might bleed, but the pain is giving me something to focus on besides the pleasure Ben is giving me. He begins kissing and biting up my neck as he moves one hand to play with my clit.

That's when I lose it and start moaning his name. He immediately moves his hand from my center up to cover my mouth. "Shhhhh, darling, shhhh," he whispers. "I love the faces you make when I'm fucking you. Your pussy feels soooooo bloody good around my cock." Thank God his hands are muffling my cries. I don't even need him touching me when he talks dirty. I come hard around him as he starts thrusting faster and harder. He finishes not long after me.

He backs up and I slide back down to my feet, letting go of the bar. What is that bar even there for? Ah well, lucky for me and for Ben's back that it was there. I look up at Ben as I start tucking my shirt in to find that he's grinning at me.

"What are you grinning at?"

"I just had really great sex with someone really hot. Why shouldn't I be grinning?"

"Well, when you put it that way..." I check my shirt to make sure it's not pulled in a weird direction when it suddenly hits me that we're in a women's bathroom. "Holy shit, Ben! How are we going to get out of here???"

"Calm down, I've got this. You're gonna leave first and go meet our parents next door. Then I'm going to wait a couple of minutes and I'll leave too." He kisses me on the lips, pats me on the ass, and sends me on my way. I take a quick look in the mirrors to make sure I don't look like I've just been doing what I was doing and I actually look fine. It doesn't look like anyone came in here while we were in here so I whisper "I love you" towards the stall he's in and walk out.

When I make it over to the shop next door everyone asks where Ben is.

"Oh, he wasn't with you guys?"

My mom is the first to answer. "No! He stayed behind to wait for you. You didn't see him when you walked out?"

"Nope! Maybe he had to use the restroom too."

"Maybe!" And then they all turn back around to continue looking at whatever it is they came in here for.

A few minutes later, Ben comes up behind me and whispers in my ear. "Told you it would be fine."

"You're very lucky things worked out in your favor." I turn around and smirk at him.

"If I recall correctly, things worked out in your favor too."

"It was alright." I wink at him and reach out to take his hand and we walk outside to wait for our parents to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned until next time when Emmy digs into her past!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and comments! You guys are the best. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!!!

My parents flew out early this morning. It was quite an emotional goodbye as I had no idea when or if I'd see my dad again. Even if I somehow do get sent back, my mother will be there. And as we walked them to security I kept thinking about the last time I saw him alive, and all the things I didn't get to say. When we got to the point where we had to separate, I hugged and kissed my mom and ran straight to my dad.

"Daddy, you know I love you so much. You've always been there for me, you've always protected me, and I miss you so much. Please don't ever think you've ever been less than the best father in the world. Just please, always remember that. Always know that I love you." I said all of this weeping into his shirt with my arms wrapped around him in a bear hug.

"Emmyloo! What's all this cryin' for? I'm gonna be seein' you soon, don't you worry about your old man! I know you love me, how could you not?" I chuckled at that and leaned back from him to look at his face one last time. "There's my girl. Now, buck up and dry those tears!" He swiped his thumb under my eye and kissed me on the forehead.

I stepped back to where Ben was speaking to my mom and he put his arm around me and squeezed me closer to him.

"It's been lovely having you two here! Thanks for flying out on such short notice," Ben said, shaking my dad's hand with the one that wasn't wrapped around my shoulder.

"We wouldn't have missed it. Thank you for flying us out, son," my dad said seriously to Ben. "We're both very proud of you two, we can't wait to come back and see y'all get hitched! We love you both!" And with that they walked through security. I stood there silently crying, watching them until they were out of sight while Ben held me close.

I composed myself, wiped my eyes on my sleeves and looked at Ben. "I'm ready to go now."

He nodded, kissed me lightly, and we walked out to the car.

~~~

Right now we are on the couch watching a movie. Well, neither of us are really watching it. I'm mindlessly playing with his hair while he snores quietly on my lap. I keep thinking about getting up and going back to my place so I can try and make some sense of what's going on but leaving this world terrifies me so much that I'm finding it hard to get my muscles to work.

You read in fairy tales and stories about people who get sent to a world that they desperately want to come back from. They miss their loved ones and they have these amazing things they have to get back to. I have none of that. This world is so kind to me, so welcoming. I feel so important and loved and a part of things. I realize how selfish I'm being. I realize how childish it is to want to stay here forever, to be irresponsible and not wonder or care what's happening anywhere but here, in this moment, on this couch with Benedict.

The only reason I'm not leaving well enough alone is because I am constantly living in fear of being sent away just as quick and easy as I appeared. I'm not sure what's to be gained by researching my past, but maybe there's a discrepancy somewhere, a point in time where something is wrong. Maybe by figuring out how I got here I can find someway to stay.

The credits start rolling on the movie and Ben starts to stir. He opens his eyes, looks up at me, and smiles.

"Did I fall asleep?"

"Nope. I knocked you out with my feminine wiles."

"Ah, sounds about right." He sits up and takes a sip of his water that's sitting on the coffee table. "Are you ready to head up?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty beat." We get up and start heading up the stairs. "I'm going to have to stay late at work tomorrow night. I have a lot to catch up on since I was off last week. I'll probably just end up staying at my place."

"Did you want me to come over? I'm just going to be learning lines tomorrow night. I might go have drinks with Matt."

"Oh, no, that's fine! Go have drinks with Matt, you'll just distract me anyway." He's in front of me on the stairs so I poke him in the butt to let him know I meant 'distraction' in the best way possible. He jumps and I laugh.

"Watch where you're sticking that thing!"

"Please! You didn't listen to me when I said that the other night!"

"Ah, yes, but you enjoyed it in the end." He smirks as he's taking off his shirt and I jump on him and push him on the bed. We end up in a tickle fight/wrestling war and go until we're both out of breath.

We kiss each other, he turns out the light, and we both immediately fall asleep. Tickle wars are hard.

~~~

When I get in to work Kendall is unsurprisingly already there. She's marking things on the calendar on her desk and looking harried.

"Everything alright, Kendall?" I sit down at the chair in front of her desk.

She looks up distractedly and then back down at her calendar. "Yes.. yes, I'm just having trouble with some dates."

"Well, if it's something to do with me then I can work whenever you need me to." Ahhh, it's hard to break free of that retail schedule.

"No, it's nothing to do with you. It's to do with me. I've messed up my schedule! I can't figure out where it went wrong. I can figure it out! Not to worry!"

"Alright, well if you need me I'll be in my office going over some files. Did you want to do lunch together today?"

Kendall looks up at me, shocked. "Lunch... with me?"

"Yes? Are we not allowed to eat lunch together?"

"Oh, yes we are. Yes. Lunch would be good!" She smiles and goes back to fiddling with her dates.

~~~

Thanks to an incredibly packed appointment schedule, lunch seems to come quickly. I am starving to death and I'm anxious to try and ask Kendall some questions. I'm hoping she can tell me some of what I need to know.

I come out into the lobby just as she's grabbing her purse.

"Where did you want to eat, Emmy?"

"You pick! It's on me, obviously." I smile at her as we walk together to the elevator.

"I know just the place."

We end up in a place that looks like a tiny fluffy kitten sneezed pastel rainbows everywhere. We are seated and I try not to snatch up the menu to make sure they have real food. Instead I sit down, smile, and slowly lift up the menu with an air of what I hope looks like gentle curiosity. As I look down the menu I realize that this is a vegan restaurant which is great, yay animals, but an organic bean sprout salad is not going to cut it. I'll have to make it work though because I want her in a good mood so that I can ask her questions without her asking any back.

The waitress comes up to our table dressed head to toe like she just won a Zooey Deschanel lookalike contest.

"Are you ready to order?" she asks kindly.

I look at Kendall and she nods. "Alright, I'll have the bean sprout salad, please, and a glass of water."

"Lovely! And you miss?" She turns to Kendall.

"I'll have the same."

We hand her our menus and she walks back behind the counter.

"So, Kendall, do you come here often? It's so cute in here."

"I do. It's hard to find a good vegan place and this has always been my favorite."

"I can't wait to try my salad! Maybe I'll start coming here too -- Thank you!" The waitress puts our drinks on the table. "I love your dress by the way, it's gorgeous."

"Thank you! It's vintage." Of course it is. "Your food will be out soon."

"So, Kendall, how long have you been working with me now? I was trying to remember earlier."

"Four years this March. It was about a year after you started your practice."

"Wow, so four years. That's a long time! Are you happy with your job?"

"Errrm yes! I am. I like organizing things and it gives me plenty of time to work on my book."

"Are you ever going to let me read it?"

"Read what?"

"Your book! You keep talking about it but I have no idea what it's even about."

"Oh," Kendall answers nervously, "it's not really done, it's not even that special really..."

"Of course it's special! You're writing it! What kind of book is it?"

"It's umm.. fantasy! It's a fantasy book." She looks like she just decided that, but whatever. "I promise to let you read it when I'm done. I'd be embarrassed to let everyone see it just yet!"

"Alright, I understand that! But promise you'll let me read it once you're comfortable. I bet it's amazing!"

Kendall looks wistfully out the window. "I hope so."

Just then the waitress brings out our bean sprout salads. This is literally the most disgusting shit I have ever put in my mouth, but I'm so hungry that I eat it anyway. Plus I'm trying to be polite.

I'm too busy trying to choke down this pile of shit disguising itself as food to ask Kendall anymore questions. Plus I kind of chicken out. How am I meant to say "Hey, tell me everything about my life! It'll be fun!" without sounding like a complete cunt head? Looks like I've got a date with google tonight.

Once Kendall and I get back to work I make a beeline to my office and text Benedict.

Me: I need you to bring me something to eat.

B: Sure, love. What would you like? x

Me: Anything, I'm not picky.

B: Since when? ;) x

Me: Since I just had an actual bean sprout salad that tasted like someone's asshole and literally anything else sounds amazing.

Me: When you bring it in, tell Kendall it's for you. And you have to stay here while I eat it so she thinks you're eating it.

B: So specific! I'll be there in an hour. Do you have an appointment then? x

Me: Perfect! I have an hour between my last two appointments.

B: See you soon. x

Ben brings my lunch and stays with me while I eat it. He tells me about the new script he's learning, and how things are going with his parents and friends. I have no idea what I'm eating but it's delicious. I think Ben said it was kebabs? I don't even know but I want to have it's babies.

Once I'm done I start digging in my desk.

"Emmy, what are you doing?"

"Looking for some gum! I won't get to see you tonight and we've only got 10 minutes before my next appointment and I wanna make out. Is that okay?"

"You're ridiculous," he says, rolling his eyes. But he fishes some gum out of his pocket and lets me chew it for a few seconds before he starts kissing me. He really is a great kisser.

~~~

After Ben left the day seemed to drag on and on and on. It was hard to focus knowing that tonight I was going to be actively trying to figure out what was going on. I made it through, though, and now I'm sitting in front of my computer staring at a blank search box on the Google homepage. 

I stare at it for a minute, watching the cursor dissappear and reappear. Finally I type in "Emmy Bracken" and press enter. 

Of course the first thing to pop up is something about me dating Benedict. It's a news article though, but underneath is the website for my practice. I click on it and look through the pages. It's actually really well put together. I suppose Kendall runs it or has someone run it because there are testimonials from people that I've seen in the last month. I read through all of them and of course they're all nice. I doubt someone would put complaints on there. 

I back out to the google homepage again and find a link to YouTube. It's an interview with me by a psycology magazine. In it I talk about what I do, how I think it helps, and how I came up with the job in the first place. I talk a bit about my past, about how my parents were my main inspiration and how my mom's illness and subsequent treatment for it is what interested me in psychology in the first place. So my mom must be sick in this world too, but she actually got decent help. It's so bizarre to be watching myself speak and not remember a damn thing about it. I was working under the assumption that nothing existed in this world until I was dropped here. This is photographic proof that I existed before I was here. I'm starting to get a bit freaked out. 

I go back to Google again, and find more interviews of me talking about my past, my business, Ben, etcetera. I can't find any proof that I was ever anywhere but here. What does this mean? 

I've already determined that it's not a dream. It's too realistic and I can controll what I'm doing. No dreams are that intense. All of this is too real, there's too much evidence that I've been here my whole entire life. 

The only other possibility is that I've finally snapped. My mother obviously has a mental illness. It's run in her family for at least 2 generations, so why wouldn't it affect me? Is this some type of schizophrenic episode? If it is, then which world is real? Have I made up an entire world where everything is perfect? Did I make up the world where everything was shit? I think back to the day my dad died. I can still feel the pain of it, the sorrow following it. I can still feel it tearing at my insides. But my dad was just here. I think about feeling his arms around me, hearing his voice, watching him smile and how happy I was. It was so real. They both feel so real. Am I still crazy if I'm logically thinking about it this way? My mind is racing a million miles a second. What do I do? What can I do? 

Suddenly I remember a book I saw in my office about schizophrenia and delusions. A walk to my office in the cool night air and a fresh pack of cigarettes sounds like just what I need. I get up from the desk, put my shoes on, grab my purse, and head out the door. As soon as I step outside I light a cigarrette. It's windy so I have to shield the cigarette with my body to light it. After it's lit, I turn around and see an old lady walking in front of me. I am hit with such a strong feeling of deja vu that it almost takes my breath away. That lady looks so familiar to me. I want to call out to her but I don't want to frighten her since we're on the streets of London and it's dark out. 

I keep walking towards my building and to my surprise the old lady goes inside. I wonder what she's there for? It's not a large building, everyone who works there knows each other. I start walking at a brisk pace so that I can catch her before she gets on the elevator. I hurridly put out my cigarette in the ashtray outside and run in the door just soon enough to see the elevator doors shut on her. Dammit!

I run over to the door to the stairwell and rush inside. I take the steps as quickly as I can, thanking God that I chose to wear tennis shoes here tonight. I look through the doors at every floor and see no sign of her until I get to floor that my office is on and I see her walking through the archway into my lobby. I'm completely confused as to why an old lady is coming into my office this late at night.

Now that I know where she is I don't feel the need to run anymore. I slow my pace down and try to calm my breathing so that when I ask who she is she doesn't think I'm some kind of weird pervert that's excited to see her in an empty building. I walk around the archway and instead of an old lady I see Kendall who is breathing a bit heavy herself. 

"Kendall! What are you doing here? Where's the woman that just walked through here?"

"There wasn't one! It's just been me! I forgot my book here, I was just coming to pick it up." 

"No, Kendall. There was an old lady that just walked through here. I saw her. I recognized her from somewhere." 

"Emmy, you must be mistaken. It's just me here, I promise!" 

I walk over to my office and open the door and look around. Then I go behind Kendall's desk and look under it. I look back up at her. 

"Dammit Kendall, I KNOW there was someone that just walked in that fucking door! It wasn't you!"

"Emmy..." 

"DON'T TELL ME I'M SEEING THINGS! I know what I saw!" I am losing it right now. I'm breathing heavy again. I try to calm myself down but I can't. 

"Kendall. I don't mean to yell at you, I'm sorry, but this has been the most insane month and a half of my life. Please don't tell anyone, but before a month and a half ago I can't remember ever being here! I was working in a store! My dad was dead! I had only ever seen Ben in pictures and movies! And now all of a sudden I'm here! Everything is perfect! I feel like I'm going insane. Maybe I am insane! Maybe none of this is real! But I will tell you I just saw an OLD WOMAN walk through THAT DOOR realer than SHIT! I want to know where she IS!" 

"You can only remember working in a shop with a dead dad and no Ben?" 

"Yes."

Kendall takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. "Dammit, I knew I forgot something. This is always where I fuck it up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say WHAAAAAAAAAA???


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here it is! I hope it doesn't disappoint :X. There's still at least 4 chapters to go in this story so don't get too comfortable! And thank you SO MUCH for your comments and your kudos!!! You guys are so amazing!!!!

I Felt Your Shape - p11

I'm just about to tell Kendall that it's not her fault I'm completely insane when I realize what it is she just said. She forgot? She fucked up? What???

"Wait.. What? What are you talking about?" She looks completely distracted and not at all like I just asked her a question. She begins muttering to herself. As my heart is pounding in my ears, I can only catch snippets of what she's saying.

"Forgot.... always bloody happens to me... third time I've failed... won't let me take the test again..." She's frantically digging in her desk until she finds her journal and starts flipping through the pages.

Alright, enough of this. I bang my hands on her desk. "KENDALL. What the FUCK are you talking about??? What test? What did you fail? Please, for the love of Christ, stop whatever it is you're doing and explain this to me before I lose it!"

She looks at me like she just realized I was there. "Oh, sorry." She takes a deep breath. "You might want to sit down."

I don't even hesitate. I fall back in the chair that's directly behind me and stare directly at her, mouth agape, eyes still wide.

"Alright. Tell me what's happened and I'll tell you what I know."

I'm a little wary still, scared that I may be misinterpreting this situation, but the words begin bubbling up out of me anyway.

"A little over a month ago I was at the store I work at. I came home, went to bed, and woke up in a strange place with a strange man that I am apparently engaged to. I have an amazing job and my parents are normal. I thought I was dreaming at first so I didn't want to mess with it. I just figured I'd keep living it and I'd eventually wake up. But then everything felt so real, and I was able to control everything that I did. I still ignored it, hoping it would be a dream, but then my parents showed up. Before I came to this, whatever this is, my dad was dead and my mom was clinically insane. Now they're like the perfect parents! It was like every fantasy I had as a child had come true! That's when I decided to start investigating what was happening. Now that I think of it, I have no idea what I thought I was going to find, but everything I did find pointed to me being here forever. My old life never happened."

Kendall is nodding and marking things off in her journal as I'm talking. I stare at her, hoping she'll say something but she just looks back up and motions for me to go on.

"So since I couldn't find evidence that my old life was real, I thought maybe I was having a massive schizophrenic delusion. Mental illness runs in my family so it's entirely plausible. I remembered that I had a book here about it and I wanted an excuse to leave my apartment and on my way I saw an old lady that looked familiar. I followed her here and she came to my office but she's not here - you are. So. Your turn."

"Emmy," she pauses to take a deep breath. "That old woman is me. Do you remember where you know her from?"

"What do you mean she's you?!"

"Emmy, tell me. Do you know where you know the old woman from?"

"No! I don't! I just remember her - your - face!"

"Try. Think really hard."

I close my eyes and picture her face in my mind. I run over all the places I've been where I would have interacted with people. Suddenly I remember.

"She - sorry - you came into my store the night I came here! You bought slippers for your mom! You dropped money!"

"Yes. I have been watching you your whole life, Emmy. I've seen your struggles and your sadness and I found them to be unfair."

"What?! What do you mean you've been watching me my whole life? Why were you the old woman?? How old are you?"

"I will tell you everything, I just need you to let me speak. Promise you won't interrupt me."

"I promise. Please."

"Emmy, I'm a Fairy Godmother."

What. The. Fuck. "You can't be fucking serious."

"You said you wouldn't interrupt!"

"You just told me you were a fairy fucking godmother!!! What the fuck do you want me to do??? Sit here and nod like 'oh yes I knew all along! How interesting!' Because that's not happening! What do you mean a fairy godmother? What even is that!?"

"If you would just calm do-"

"Do not finish that sentence unless you want me to literally burst into flames."

"You can't literally burst into flames." She says like a mother telling her child that they can't fly.

I have never wanted to physically harm someone but this conversation is quickly rectifying that.

I take a deep breath. "Okay, Kendall. I'm sorry. Please continue." Oh my God. 

"Thank you. I am a Fairy Godmother. Well, I'm in training to be one. This was to be my final test. Obviously I didn't do a very good job." She looks at me with a conspiratorial smirk, like I'm supposed to laugh and commiserate with her over her fucking test grade! Apparently my feelings about this show on my face because she clears her throat and continues. "Sometimes something seemingly insignificant can happen in your life - something you have no control over - and it can alter the entire course of your life. Sometimes it alters for the better, sometimes it can barely alter it at all. But, in your case, and the cases of the people that we help, it can alter it for the worse. So, I changed the insignificant thing and it lead you here."

I stare at her in shock for a few minutes while she sits looking serenely at me. In an effort to quell the desire to lunge at her I ask the first question that pops into my head.

"What did you change?"

"Your mother went to a different doctor."

"What.. a different doctor? When?"

"When you were a young child, your father convinced her to go to a doctor about her illness. She chose her doctor by picking the first one in the phone book. When I.. interfered, she went a bit further down the list."

"And that's it. That one thing fixed it all?"

"Yes."

"How is that fair? How is that fair to Benedict? Everyone whose lives I'm affecting, how is that fair to them? Their lives could have been completely different had I not been a part of them! How is it fair that my life is perfect and they don't get anything??"

"The fact that you view it like that is why I chose you. Ben is happy, he fell in love with YOU. Your entire life has played out here. You didn't just arrive, you've been here, you lived this life."

My eyes are seriously about to pop out of my skull. "Why? How? What??" 

"Because you didn't have to suffer your mother's illness with her, because you didn't lose your father, you had the confidence to achieve all the things you have in this life! You've always been able to do it, you just didn't feel like you should. Sometimes when people have bad things consistently happen to them, they begin to believe they deserve it. Everyone deserves good things, Emmy."

"But my life wasn't that bad! I had a good job, I had a roof over my head, I obviously had plenty of food to eat! Why don't you go help someone without a home? Someone whose kids are without food? Sick people? My life is amazing compared to some!"

"We're not that powerful! We can plant the thought of you wanting to help the beggar on the side of the road, but we can't physically stop you from locking your doors and staring straight ahead! The choice is always yours to make."

I take a second to let that sink in. Suddenly I remember something else she said.

"What do you mean you've been watching me my whole life???"

"Time is different for my kind. We don't view time in a line, we view it as a whole."

"This is so fucking weird." I stand up and begin pacing around the lobby. "So, what now? I just stay here? All of this is really happening?"

"Yes."

"Why do I remember my old life then?"

"I'm not sure. It's likely that I made a mistake or forgot something in the process. I'm assuming the reason you remember it from when you do is because that's the night I planted the thought in your mom's head." She's thumbing through her journal again. I almost ask her if I can read it, but then I decide that I'd rather not know. I sit back in the chair.

"So what do I do now?"

"Keep doing what you're doing, Emmy. I'll try and figure something out to fix it."

"Fix what? Make me forget my old life? What if I don't want to forget the bad things that happened? They may have been shitty but they made me who I am! I may not be perfect but I'm rather fond of me." I think back through the time I've been here. This Emmy likes seafood, Benedict thought it was weird that I wouldn't eat it. This Emmy doesn't dance! Benedict mentioned something the other night about me dancing when I was out with Matt, like he was surprised. I wonder what else has changed? I know neither of those things sound like a very big deal but if I've noticed just those tiny things then are there any big differences? Their must be.

"Emmy..." Kendall looks at me sadly.

"No, it's fine. Do what you need to do." This is all so insane. I'm half convinced that I'm still suffering from a delusion, but I've never been that imaginative. It's done. There's nothing I can do about this. I'm not sure I want to do anything about it. But I'm tired of thinking of it. I'm tired of trying to figure things out. I'm just tired.

Kendall comes to kneel down in front of me. She places her hands on my knees and looks up into my eyes.

"Emmy, everything will be okay. I promise you. I will fix this."

"I believe you. I'm just going to go. I need to get out of here." I stand up and grab my purse.

"I'll see you tomorrow at work?" she asks.

I nod at her. "I'll see you at work."

I get up and make my way out of the building. When I get outside I light up another cigarette and stare out into the street. I lean back on the wall behind me and feel the cold and wet night air. I don't know where to go, what to do. Everything I've just heard has thrown me completely. After a few seconds I am abruptly hit with a longing for Benedict so deep that my feet, seemingly on their own, start walking in the direction of his place.

I know he's out with Matt for drinks but I just need to be near him. Fortunately it's not that far from my work, not that it would matter anyway. Once I get there I unlock the door and walk inside. I leave a trail of my clothes up the stairs and to his room. I put on one of his shirts and climb in his bed. I grab his pillow, hug it to me and stare at the patterns the moonlight through the windows makes on the floor.

I'm in almost the same position hours later when Ben makes it home. He must have noticed my clothes on the floor because I hear him call out for me from downstairs. I don't answer him so he'll think I'm asleep. A few minutes later he comes in the room and lays in the bed behind me, sharing my pillow and wrapping his arm around me. I can smell the whiskey on his breath and it comforts me. If I were a better person I would turn around and tell him everything. I would feel guily. But just before I fall asleep, I feel him kiss my neck and the only thing I feel is happy.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW.

I Felt Your Shape - Chapter 12

The next morning I wake up before Ben does and I decide to make him breakfast. It was hard to leave his warm, shirtless body in the bed but somehow I managed. I descended the stairs as softly as I could so as not to wake him. I padded into the kitchen and began rooting around and seeing what he had.

Apparently he has everything in the world. I was hoping all he had was eggs and bread so I could just fry some eggs and make some toast. I start to pull all the stuff out and the thought of washing all the dishes afterwards and smelling breakfast meats all day completely turns me off of cooking. Instead, I decide to go grab food from the coffee shop down the road that serves a great breakfast. I tip toe back up the stairs and grab the clothes I left on the floor last night. I put them all on and go back downstairs to the guest bathroom and splash some water on my face and look in the mirror. I can't believe this is my life now. I smile at myself before I turn out the lights and head out to get breakfast for Ben and me.

I make it back just in time to set the table and put the food on plates before I hear Ben shuffling around upstairs. I hear him coming down and throw some napkins on the table and run to the foot of the stairs.

"Good morning!!!!!!!" I start bouncing impatiently waiting for him to make it to the bottom so I can hug him and pull him in the kitchen.

"Good morning! You're very cheery this morning." He makes it to me and we both reach out for each other at the same time.

I hug him around the middle and squeeze as hard as I can and mumble into his chest, "I like it when you wear this shirt." I let go and grab his hand and pull him towards the kitchen. "Look! Breakfast!"

"Sweetheart, did you make this?"

"What answer would make you love me more?" I go sit in front of the food I ordered myself and put my napkin in my lap.

"Neither! If I loved you anymore, I'd burst." He takes the seat in front of his food and smirks at me knowing his answer was super smooth.

"Baby! That's so sweet!" I look around the table. "Dammit! I forgot the fucking juice. Stay where you are!" He made to get up and get it but he heeded my warning and sat back down. I run over to the fridge and thank God he's got a half empty carton of OJ. I grab two glasses and run back over to the table.

"Thanks for this, Emmy, really. I'm starved."

I smile at him in response because I've already got an entire piece of toast shoved in my mouth.

"So what made you come over last night? Not that I'm complaining, but I thought you had some work to do." He takes another bite of food waiting for me to answer.

"It was a very odd night for me. And I missed you. And I have trouble sleeping when you're not there." I avoid looking at him and instead make a show of putting jam on my other piece of toast. I think of something to change the subject so that he won't ask me what was odd. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I am a horrible liar. He'll know something's up. "So, did you and Matt have a good time last night? Has his hair grown back yet?"

Benedict rolls his eyes at me while he finishes chewing. He tells me all about his evening, and about what Matt's got planned now that he's finished with Doctor Who.

"Did you guys talk about me?" I ask, fluttering my eyelashes at him.

"Yes, we talked about how beautiful and amazing you were the entire night," he deadpans.

"Well I don't know why you'd bother talking about anything else!"

Benedict eats a lot slower than I do, so by the time I'm done I usually end up sitting next to him picking things off his plate, much to his displeasure. Today is no different. He makes a face at me after I steal a grape off his plate.

"Hey, buddy, maybe if you didn't take four thousand years to eat everything then I wouldn't be able to do this!" I take another piece of fruit off his plate and pop it in my mouth.

He can't respond verbally as his mouth is full of waffle so he threw his last grape at me instead. It bounced off my boobs and landed on the floor. I open my mouth in mock horror and chide him for wasting food when there are plenty of people who really would have enjoyed that grape. I get up and grab my plate and make a show of bending over in front of him to pick the grape off the floor. I can see him reaching out to touch my ass but I stand up just in time for him to miss and I scoot away.

"None of that! I have to do the dishes!"

I'm rinsing my plate and glass off in the sink when he comes up behind me, putting his plate and glass in the sink and placing his hands on my hips when he's done. As I start rinsing his dishes off he begins to kiss my neck and press himself firmly against me.

He rests his chin on my shoulder while wrapping his arms completely around me. "Breakfast was lovely. Do you have to work today?" he asks in a suggestively low voice.

"Mmmm, yes I do." I turn around in his arms and pull him to me. Our lips meet and we begin kissing slowly, sensually, and it begins to build up into something heated and far too passionate for me having just done the dishes. I end the kiss and back out of his arms slowly. "I need to go get ready."

"Alright, love. I've got lines to memorize anyway."

I run upstairs and jump in the shower. I've just finished washing my hair and am putting the conditioner in when I sense Benedict (I hope it's him, anyway) in the bathroom with me. I rinse my hands off and peek between the shower curtain and the wall and sure enough he's in here taking his clothes off and brushing his teeth.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"I figured we could conserve water and I could take a shower with you." He finishes brushing and spits into the sink.

"That's so sexy! I love when my man spits! Makes me feel like I'm back home."

"That's why I did it, pretty lady. Now scooch over and let yer man in the shower with ya." He says this in the most exaggerated cowboy sounding accent I've ever heard.

"You're in a pretty good mood for having been out drinking last night! You obviously don't know how to do it right." I wink at him and turn around to grab my soap bottle and he slaps my ass, making me squeal. I turn back around and he grabs my waist and pulls me towards him and continues the urgent kisses we shared in the kitchen. I can feel him growing harder against my stomach and I reach down and take hold of his dick.

He groans into my mouth and I pull back and smile cheekily at him. I kiss his chest, and work my way down his body, carefully getting onto my knees.

"Can I help you, miss?"

I answer him by taking his dick in my right hand and wrapping my lips around his tip. I move my hand and mouth in time with each other very slowly.

"Christ, darling."

"Mmmmhmmmmmmmmmmm." I continue working his cock in my mouth until I can feel him trying to keep himself from thrusting forward. I grab his hands and move them to the back of my head, giving him permission to fuck my mouth. He starts pulling my head into him slowly, giving me time to relax my throat and get ready for him. I flatten my tongue and give his leg a gentle squeeze, letting him know I'm ready. I look up at him to straighten out my throat and see him looking down at me with the most loving expression on his face. He caresses the back of my head, tells me he loves me, and then pushes himself slowly down my throat.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuck, Emmy." I close my eyes and focus on not gagging. He continues moving in and out of me slowly, exclaiming every time he enters. Once I'm ready for him to go faster I grab the backs of his legs and squeeze again. "You're sure, darling?" I squeeze him one more time. "God I bloody love you."

He starts fucking my face fast and hard. I can feel him going past my tongue, deep into my throat. I can feel myself dripping, even warmer than the water. I move my hand down to please myself when I start to feel his legs tense up, a sign that he's close.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuck, ahhhhhhh." I feel his dick pulsing in my throat and I instinctively swallow, milking him of every last drop. "Oh my God." He leans up against the shower wall and I remove him carefully from my mouth and stand up to face him. I kiss him on the cheek and he opens his eyes. "Thanks for that."

"Any time, baby. Now go away, I need to finish showering." I turn around and make to grab the soap again and he grabs my hand and turns me back to him.

"No." He bends over and throws me over his shoulder with seemingly no effort.

"BEN! Put me down, you're going to break your back!!" Honestly, whether his back breaks or not I am extremely turned on right now. It's fun being thrown about like a rag doll and it's a very rare thing for someone like me.

"Shut up, woman!" he says, smacking my ass and throwing me on the bed. He lays down next to me and grabs my hand to pull me to him. "Sit on my face, Emmy." He sees the look on my face and adds, "Please?"

I do as he says, grabbing on to the headboard and straddling his face. He immediately puts his hands on my hips to pull me down so that he can start lapping at my cunt. "Ahhhhhhh Ben, that feels nice."

"Mmmmmmmmm..." he hums into my cunt. He moves his arms around my thighs so he can use his hands to hold my pussy open and begins licking from my opening to my clit, pausing to suck on it noisily and moving back down to start again. My grip on the headboard tightens as I try not to grind on his tongue. He must sense this because he moves his hands back to my hips and encourages me to do just that while moving back up to my clit and sucking it into his mouth. I can feel my orgasm start in my belly and begin slapping the wall and calling out his name as it takes over the rest of my body.

Once my orgasm stops I fall over on the bed and try to catch my breath. I look over at him and he's staring at me, licking his lips.

"Thanks for that, baby. It was very enjoyable." I reach my hand out to his and he takes it.

"I love watching you come, hearing you cry out for me." God his voice is sexy when he talks about sexy stuff.

"I feel the same way about you, Ben. And I also enjoy coming, so yay for us." We both laugh and lay there for a second until I remember something and shoot out of the bed.

"Where are you going??"

"I forgot to rinse the damn conditioner out of my hair!"

I can hear him laughing at me as I hop back in the shower and finish what I came in here to do.

~~~

Work is really busy today and part of me wonders if Kendall planned it to be this way so that I couldn't ask her any more questions. I do find a moment between clients to ask her something I forgot to yesterday. I check to make sure the lobby is empty and I sit in the chair in front of her desk.

"Kendall, why do you change form? What do you actually look like?"

She looks up at me, her face looking as if she's hesitant to answer.

"Come on, tell me!"

"We don't really look like anything. We're meant to blend into the background, so that people don't notice us."

"That makes sense. Then why do you come out of the background? Why did you become Kendall and the Old Lady?"

"Well... If we're checking in on our subjects we like to take different forms so that they don't think someone is following them. I became Kendall because, as I told you before, I knew something went wrong so I had to become someone that could be in your life so I could figure it out. I was the old woman at your store because I wanted to be someone you wouldn't normally care for."

"Well then why didn't you just stay as Kendall? Why did you change back to the old lady? If you had been Kendall the whole time then I never would have suspected anything."

She starts blushing and makes a noncommittal noise.

"Kendall! Tell me! What could you possibly be blushing about?"

"I ran into someone that I used to see when I was here before. A man."

"Okay? Why did you change into the old lady?"

She covers her face with her hands and reluctantly answers me. "Because he's an old man now!"

"WHAT!? Are you serious?? Kendall!! Maybe this is why you're failing all your tests! You need to focus on the task at hand!"

"I know! I know!! I can't help it! He's so handsome, and so funny! I couldn't resist!"

"Jesus, Kendall. Get your shit together!" I smile at her to let her know I'm half joking. I mean I can't possibly get pissed at her for not paying full attention to the current situation we're in because I didn't really either.

"I promise I'm working on your issue. I researched all last night and will continue to do so until I fix this."

"It's alright, I understand. I feel like shit for letting this go for so long without saying anything. And now I feel even more like shit for not telling Benedict everything I know."

"Emmy, it honestly wouldn't change anything. He'd just think you were crazy."

"Yeah, probably."

"Speaking of Benedict, you've got some appointments around town tomorrow to do with your wedding."

"Am I going to them alone?"

"Yes, Ben has meetings all day, and one of your appointments is a dress fitting."

"How about you come with me? I don't know anything about wedding planning as I never planned on having one. You know that Emmy better than I do, so you can help me out with what she would have wanted."

"You really want me to come with?" Kendall asks me, shocked.

"Yes, of course. Plus I have more questions I want to ask you. It'll be fun!" I try to sound enthusiastic. This is all so weird, and will continue to be weird, but as there really isn't anything I can do about it,I'm trying to stay positive.

"Alright. It's a date."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter Emmy has a lot of questions about her and Ben's relationship! Stay tuned!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO MUCH for your kudos and comments! You are all the best ever, you make me so happy!

It is obscenely early in the morning and Kendall and I are on the way to the dress shop for my first fitting. Benedict was passed out when I left this morning and I'm not sure if you know this or not, but it's even harder to get out of bed when you've got a sexy shirtless man keeping you warm when it's cold as tits outside. Somehow I managed it and we are now flying down the street in Kendall's car.

"Kendall?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have a license to drive?"

"Of course I do!" she says defensively.

"Great!"

"Well, I did. It's expired."

"Kendall!"

"I've been driving since cars were invented! I can do this, Emmy!" She nods to herself and looks seriously out the window.

"Alllllrighty. I'm just gonna shut my eyes for a second, try not to kill us."

After what seems like 30 seconds I'm being shaken awake by Kendall.

"We're here! Get up!"

"Yes ma'am."

We get out of the car and hurry inside to get away from the cold. Trudy runs out of an office to greet us and take us to the area of the shop where they do the fittings. I'm introduced to the seamstress, a tiny little lady with a German accent. She coos over me, telling me how beautiful I am and what a gorgeous bride I'm going to make. I side eye Kendall, wondering if she put some sort of magic spell on this lady to make her so nice but she just shrugs and looks confused, which is a bit insulting but whatever.

The seamstress leaves to get my dress and I take this opportunity to ask Kendall some questions. I turn towards her to see her playing on her phone.

"How long have I lived here?"

Kendall looks up from her phone looking startled to have been asked a question. She sets her phone down, pulls her journal out of her purse, and starts flipping through the pages.

"You've lived in England for three years this March." She looks back up at me.

"How long have Ben and I been together?"

 

"Three years this May." Jesus. Three years is a long time!

 

"Did we meet through work?"

 

"Yes, actually you did." She looks more through her book. "You were consulting on a play that one of Benedict's friends was in. He came to watch opening night and you were at the party. It took him quite a while to get you to say yes to going out with him."

"I find that hard to believe." I pause for a second, a million questions running through my head. "Consulting on a play? What brought me here? How did I end up starting my own practice?"

"Someone you knew from college..." She starts flipping through her book again. "George Beckman."

"I remember him! We went to school together at UF! He was in the drama program!" Hey! Maybe I'm starting to remember things from this life!

"Ah, yes he was in your old life too." Damn. "Anyways - he moved here after graduation and one of his directors was looking for someone to consult on a few characters. He mentioned you and how you used to help him with his plays in college. They called and you came."

"Oh my God." I feel the bottom of my stomach drop out. "He called and asked me in my old life too. I didn't go because my dad had just died."

Kendall looks at me sympathetically and continues. "Yes, in this life you did go and you enjoyed working with George's director so much that you made a career out of it."

Suddenly I am gripped with anger. This life could have been mine! It was so close! And even though I'm here now being fitted for a gorgeous dress, marrying an amazing man, working my dream job, I'm still plagued with the memories of all the horrible things that happened. This is 'Perfect Emmy's' life. This isn't mine.

My thoughts are interrupted by the seamstress bringing in my dress. I almost don't want to try it on in an act of defiance toward Perfect Emmy, but as I don't want to be rude I let the seamstress help me put it on. It almost fits perfectly, just a few nips and tucks and it'll be amazing.

"Oh, Emmy, it looks beautiful!" I turn my head to see Kendall smiling at me in a wedding dress. "I'm so happy for you."

I give her a small smile, not wanting to divulge to her what I'm feeling. I don't know why I'm not angry at her. I'm sure a sane person would be since this is all her fault. I keep telling myself that she only wanted to make my life better. She was only trying to help.

The seamstress puts a few more pins in, closes the curtain, and helps me take the dress off. She leaves with the dress and I put my clothes back on. As my parents are paying for everything there's no reason for us to stop by the front desk so Kendall and I walk back out to her car.

"Where to now?" I ask Kendall as she starts the car.

"We're going to see the team that are doing your hair and make up on the big day."

"Ah." We sit in silence for a few minutes. "Kendall?"

"Yes?"

"Are you supposed to stay with me? I mean, do fairy godmothers always stay with the people they help?"

She looks at me awkwardly out of the side of her eye and hesitates for a second. "No."

"Then why are you here with me? I know you said something was messed up, but what exactly is it? What did you see?"

She takes a deep breath as she turns down a side street. "It's how I knew something was wrong. Usually I can just -see- what's happening in the future, to make sure everything turns out alright, that I didn't screw up someone's life even more than before. I can't do that with you."

"What do you mean? You can't see my future??"

"No. It just stops. I could see your new choices and your new life here and then it just ends."

"So you can't see beyond where we are now?"

"No, so I decided to stay and keep an eye on you."

"Stop the car."

"What? Emmy.."

"Stop the fucking car, Kendall."

She pulls over to the side of the road and I jump out of the car and start walking. I hear her car door slam and her heels click clacking after me on the sidewalk.

"Emmy, please stop!"

"No."

"Emmy! It's going to be fine! I'll fix this, I promise! Get back in the car!"

"No. Just go away, I don't want to be around you right now. This is all too weird. I've tried to be cool about it. I've tried to be nice to you because I know you were just trying to help. But this is ridiculous! I don't feel like my life is better! I feel like I'm in somebody else's life! Yeah, it may be fabulous and amazing, but it's not ME!" I can tell I'm about to fly into a full on panic, and there are people in the street stopping and looking at us. Kendall pulls me down an abandoned alley and away from prying eyes.

"Emmy, I'm trying to fix it. You need to calm down, this isn't going to help anyone."

"Fix WHAT!? Make me forget my entire life! Make me forget all the shitty things that happened to me! Everywhere I turn it's just another reminder of how I fucked things up! I could have been here! This could have been the real me! But instead I said NO because I was scared! I don't deserve any of this!"

"Emmy, you DO! You can't help the things that happened to you!"

"I can't help the things that happened to me but I could have helped the way I dealt with it! I could have made better choices! I could have said yes to George and I could have been here! It would have been me! Not perfect fucking Emmy with her perfect clothes and perfect job and perfect life!"

"If you had said yes to George you would have left your mom alone. She needed you."

"She wasn't my responsibility."

"No, she wasn't. But you couldn't have left her. You're not that person. You stayed even though it was always your dream to come here. You've given up so much of yourself to help others, you never gave a thought to yourself."

"You say that like it means something! And what about Ben? How is any of this fair to him? He thinks he's with the good Emmy, the one with normal parents who love her! The successful Emmy with the great job! He doesn't know he's got the dud Emmy. The Emmy gone wrong. And now I'm in love with him because he's so sweet and amazing and kind, and everyday he looks at me as if I hung the moon but it's not ME he's looking at!"

"It IS you, Emmy! It's you! You're still the same person."

"You have no clue. Just... just let me go. Let me be alone. Cancel whatever appointments you have for me today. I need to be by myself."

"You won't do something stupid?"

"Such as?"

"I don't know. Just be careful. Please. I can't see what's going to happen to you. It makes me nervous."

I roll my eyes and let out an aggravated growl. "Fine. I'll see you tomorrow at work." With that, I turn around and start making my way down the street again.

~~~

I've been walking around aimlessly for about an hour trying to clear my mind. Of course it didn't work, so now I'm frozen to the bone and my feet are throbbing. I look ahead on the street and see a pub sign. I have no idea what part of town I'm in now, so I hope it's safe. I open the door and walk in and my hands immediately start stinging due to the sudden change in temperature. I look around and see that the bar is empty so I walk straight to the first stool and take a seat.

The bartender, an older woman that looks to be in her late forties, stops what she's doing and comes over to where I'm sitting.

"What'll it be?" Her voice is rough but kind.

"Whiskey on the rocks, please."

She pulls a glass from under the bar, puts in the ice, and pours the whiskey. I immediately throw it back and ask for another.

"Rough day?"

"You could say that." I drink the second one just as fast. "Could you just leave the bottle here?"

"Of course."

"Thanks." I smile at her as she walks off to help a couple who just walked in.

The whiskey has warmed my body up, but my mind is still cold thinking about how fucked up all of this is. I shouldn't be here. This isn't right. People like me don't get to have lives like this. They don't get to go look at gorgeous wedding dresses and have their parents fly out for the occasion. They don't get to have normal, healthy relationships because they've never known what a healthy relationship was like. People like me have been beaten down their entire lives, so much so that they start to think they deserve it.

All of this is such a sham. And of course a fairy fucking godmother would ascend from wherever to change my life into something amazing and then totally fuck up the part where I'm supposed to forget all the horrible things that have happened. I should go to Kendall right now and have her put it all back. I know I should, but there's only one thing stopping me.

Benedict.

I do love him. I love him so much. He makes me feel like I deserve good things. He's so sweet and so kind and he's the only thing I want. I would give back everything else, I just don't know if I could let go of him. It's completely selfish and that's why I know I'm not that person Kendall thinks I am.

I go to pour another shot and notice that the bottle is empty. I flag down the bartender and ask her for another bottle. She gives me a concerned look, but grabs another bottle from the back and some crackers.

"You should eat something."

"Thanks." She stands there watching me so I eat a cracker and smile at her. She leaves and I go back to drinking.

After a couple hours and what probably equals out to an entire bottle of whiskey, I am completely plastered. My face is numb, my feet feel like anvils and I almost bust my ass trying to get off the stool. The bartender runs over to me.

"Do you need me to call anybody?"

"No, nooooooo, I'm fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine." I pull out all my cash and put it on her bar.

"Honey, that's way too much, let me get you some change." She starts fussing about with the money but I shoo her away.

"Noooo, it's okaaaaay, I promise. I promise it's okay, you deserve that money. You're a good person. You're gooder... I mean more good.... fuck... better! You're better than me. Not fake. Not a pretender. I'll be fiiiiiiiine. Thank you for the alcy- alcohol. Have a good daaay!!"

I stumble out of the bar and start walking down the street again and I start to hear a tinkling noise. The noise sounds like it's right beside me. I look around, not sure what it could be, and then it stops. I get a few more steps and it starts again! I start to walk faster, getting nervous that someone is following me when I notice that my purse is vibrating and that the noise is my phone. Fuck I'm drunk. I reach my hand in my purse, pull out my phone and answer.

"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooo???"

"Emmy! Where the hell are you?"

"Benedict? Is that you? How are you!?!"

"Where are you? Kendall called and said you two had a row!"

"Oh yeaaaaaaaaaah, she pissed me off! I yelled at her in the middle of the street! Ha ha ha!! You're getting married to white trash!"

"Are you drunk??" He sounds a little annoyed. If he only knew!

"Just a lil bitch.. bit.. ha ha ha bitch!"

"Emmy, please tell me where you are so I can come get you."

"Benny, I'm fiiiiiiiiine! I'll get a cab! And I not... I'm not surreeee where I am! I'll ask this man sitting across the street! He's got a cup!! He'll know!"

"Emmy, Jesus Christ! Just find a bench and sit on it. Do you see any street signs? What shops do you see?"

"Benny-dick I'm fiiiiiiine. I gotta go, I'm going to ask this man. He's smiling at me, I bet he knows."

I hang up the phone and try to put in my purse but it drops on the ground and shatters instead. Oh well, I'll just buy a new one! I'm rich now! I look back up to the man and start to walk across the street to him. He's so nice, he's even waving his hands at me! People here are just so nice, so kind. I hear a loud horn noise and I turn back, thinking it's my phone again and then all of a sudden I'm flying through the air and then there's nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

The first time I open my eyes I see a bright light and people standing over me. Not long after that I'm hit with an extremely intense pain. My entire body feels like it's on fire. I try to roll around to put the fire out but am somehow being held down. I try to cry out but I can't. I try to swallow but I can't. I can't control my breathing, there's something down my throat. I try to make eye contact with any of the people around me, I try to convey my panic to them, but they're not looking at my face. I try to get up again but I'm still being held down. All of a sudden a warm, pleasant feeling starts to spread through my body and I relax and close my eyes again.

The second time I open my eyes I see a dark room, lit only by a dim light coming from behind me. I look to my right and see an empty bed and a window revealing that it's night time. I sense someone walk in the room and turn my head back to the left and see a nurse checking a machine next to me. I try to speak to her, but my throat is on fire. I do however find that I can swallow. She looks at me, smiles, and leaves the room and I close my eyes again.

The third time I open my eyes there is a lot more light in the room. I look to my right and see that the bed next to me is occupied with a balding man surrounded by what I assume to be his wife and children. I watch them talking quietly and smiling at each other. My eyes start to sting and water so I close them again.

The fourth time I open my eyes it's dark again. When I look around the room I see that the bed next to me is empty again. I move my arm and my fingers brush against something soft. I look down to find the source and it's a big head full of brown fluffy hair. It takes me a few seconds to realize that it's Benedict. He must have passed out next to me. I lift my hand to touch his face and realize that I have a cast on my arm. Huh. He senses my movement and his head flies up off the bed. He reaches out and puts one hand on my thigh and one on my face.

"Oh, sweetheart! You're awake! How are you feeling? Do you need me to get you anything?" He's talking so fast it's hard for me to catch everything he's saying.

"Mmm, water?" My voice sounds incredibly rough, like I've smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in one sitting.

"Of course!" He immediately stands up and starts fiddling with a pitcher of water and some cups that are on a table next to me. He comes over and hands me the cup. I start to reach out for it before I remember that my hand has a cast on it. I hold up my hand to him and poke my bottom lip out. "Oh, my poor darling. I think -" he reaches behind him next to the pitcher and grabs a straw "-yes, it's right here." He holds the cup to me and puts the straw in my mouth and I drink gratefully. It hurts like hell to swallow but this water is the best I've ever had.

"Ben.. where am I? What happened?" I start coughing and he holds the cup up to me again and I take another drink.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember... I remember fighting with Kendall. I remember stopping at a bar - sorry, pub - that I'm not familiar with. I remember leaving there and that's it." I look over at him, scared to hear what happened.

"Oh, Emmy. You left the bar and from what I understand that's when I called you. I tried to get you to tell me where you were but you said you could find your way around. You saw a man across the street that you were going to ask and you hung up. Apparently you dropped your phone on the street and it shattered. When I tried to call you back it went straight to voicemail." His voice is starting to shake the more he talks. "After that, you tried to cross the street but you were hit by a car."

"Ben! Ben I'm so sorry. You must have been terrified! I'm so selfish, I should have told you where I was." I start to cry and Ben puts his hands on my face.

"Emmy, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just glad you're alright. Well, aside from a few bumps and bruises. You had a bad day and you had a few drinks. It's nothing we all haven't done at some point in our lives."

"Yeah, but the rest of us don't get hit by a car. God, Benedict, everything hurts." My light tears turn into whimpering. Every move I make causes me pain.

"Your right arm is broken, you've got some cracked ribs, and you have a concussion. You might feel loopy for a while, but you're going to be alright. I promise. And I'm going to take care of you. I've got you, Emmy. We're going to get through this. You are going to get through this! You are going to be pampered like you've never been before! If you want me to carry you everywhere, I will."

I chuckle at the idea of him carrying me everywhere. "I'd like to see that."

"We're going to eat all your favorite foods! Your mom's already given the recipes for all your favorites. They were going to fly over but once the doctor gave you the all clear and once I swore to never let you out in that big city alone again, they decided to stay home. They wanted me to tell you that if you need them then they are a phone call and a transatlantic flight away."

"I'm glad they didn't come, they should have to spend all that money just because I'm an idiot."

"You're not an idiot!"

"I love you, Benedict. You are my favorite."

"I love you too, darling. So much."

"Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Is there any way I can get something for the pain?"

"Yes! I'll go get the nurse! I'll be right back!" He hops up off his chair and runs to get someone.

A few minutes later he comes in with what I'm assuming is a nurse and she smiles at me and says she's got some morphine. She puts the contents of a syringe in the IV bag that is attached to my left hand and I can feel the effects immediately.

"Oh, that's better." I look up at the nurse. "Thaaaaaaaaaaaaank you soooo much. Woowwww."

"She won't be awake much longer, but she should be out of pain for now."

"Thank you, nurse."

"Just doing my job." The nurse leaves the room.

I look over at Ben and give him a huge smile. He smiles back at me. "So, feeling better?"

"Oh yes. Yes this is muuuuuch better. Hey, Ben? Did you know how pretty you are?" He scoffs at me and says something about the drugs talking. I start waving my bandaged arm around in the air. "Nooooo nooo you are. You're so pretty and I love having sex with you! Honestly, really it's the best I've eeeeevvver had. You've got the most peerrrrrrrrrrfect dick. I think about it alllllllllll the time. So pretty."

"Emmy, I think you should sleep." I can tell he's laughing.

"Wusssooo funny? I like your fluffy hairs too, they're so sooooooooft and shinnnny. Shiny hairs. My Bennydict." My eyes begin to close on their own and the last thing I'm aware of is my Bennydict kissing my forehead and telling me he loves me.

~~~

After a dreamless sleep I wake up to a nurse checking my vitals. I look over to where Benedict was when I fell asleep and find Kendall in his place. Once she notices I'm awake she sits up and leans toward me.

"Emmy." She says this in a super serious tone and nods once.

"Kendall." I say this in the same tone as her except when I nod I wince because apparently I'm out of morphine.

"Do you need me to get somebody?"

"No, I'm fine." I look at her, waiting for her to talk.

"I was so stupid to let you walk away. I should have followed you but I was so upset. I wanted to give you space, I didn't want to make things worse. I waited a few minutes to call Ben, just to let him know where you were and that you were upset. He wasn't very pleased with me for leaving you."

"I'm a grown woman. It's my stupid own fault I walked out in front of a car." I look down at my cast.

"Emmy, I was so terrified when Ben called me. I thought for sure you were going to be dead and that's why I couldn't see into your future. I've been in and out of your room disguised as a nurse trying to get information. As soon as I found out you were going to be okay," she looks down and runs her fingers through her hair and takes a deep breath. "I was so relieved. I left the hospital and I've been trying to figure out a solution non-stop. I'm going to fix this for you, Emmy. I promise."

"I know. I know you're just trying to help. And I appreciate it. I appreciate all you've given me. This life is so wonderful and I was wrong to get angry at you. I don't want to go back to where I was. How can I? How can I leave Ben? How can I leave this job? How can I leave my parents? I feel selfish but I don't care anymore. I got hit by a car. Maybe that was my punishment."

"That's not how it works, but as long as you're feeling better then I'm okay with you thinking that."

"Great. Do you forgive me?"

"Of course, Emmy. There's nothing to forgive. There's no reason for you to apologize." She smiles kindly at me and stands up. "I'm going to leave you to rest. I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know that I'm working on it."

"Thank you Kendall. Thank you for being here."

"Just doing my job." She winks at me and walks out of the room.

Well.

~~~

"Emmy!" Ben runs in my room with a huge grin. I sit down my gossip magazine and look up at him. "Guess what!"

"Chicken butt! HAAAA!!!!" I immediately start to crack up. He looks at me calmly, waiting for me to stop, but that only makes me laugh harder. Perhaps the drugs they've given me the past day or so are making me feel a bit loopy. I force myself to calm down. "Alright, sorry. What?"

"You get to come home today!"

"Are you serious??? I can take a real person shower???"

"Yes! Well, I'll have to help you, but I don't mind." He winks at me and I blush and then start laughing again. Damn these drugs. I start to sit up and pull the covers off of me so I can start getting dressed but he stops me. "Wait! We've got papers to sign! You can't just jump out of the bed!"

"Well, why not! I'm ready to get out of here, Benedict! It smells like piss! The sheets are scratchy and the food is gross. Oh my God, can we PLEASE get pizza on the way home? PLEASE!?"

"Yes, yes we can get pizza. Let me go get the doctor and we can get all the paperwork signed and get you out of here."

"Yay!!!" I start kicking my feet and then I wince. Stupid car. I hope I totaled it. Ben laughs and walks out of the room.

~~~

Benedict has hired a car to take us home. I'm a little uncomfortable riding along in a fancy car in pajamas, but I'm also in too much pain to care. Ben has the driver stop at a pizza place so that he can get pizza and then head to his place. On the way, Ben tells me his mom has gone to my apartment to gather some of my stuff so that I'll be comfortable.

We arrive at Ben's place and it's such a relief to be somewhere familiar. He helps me out of the car but I don't let him help me walk up to the house.

"I want to do it myself. I've got this, I promise."

"My stubborn girl. I'm walking behind you, at least. Just in case you fall."

"Yeah right, you just wanna stare at my ass."

"That too."

Every step I take hurts, but I try not to let it show in my walk. The driver makes it inside before we do so he holds the door open for me. I make it inside and walk to the living room and I see that the living room has been turned into a bedroom. Ben had my bed delivered here. He comes up behind me and kisses my head.

"I know you like your bed better, so I thought I'd have it put in the living room. That way you don't have to climb the stairs."

"But you've destroyed your living room! You didn't have to do all of this for me!"

"Emmy, you're going to be my wife. What kind of arsehole would I be if I didn't do this? Plus, I like it better this way! It's a lot more comfortable and the good TV is in here! I'm going to go tip the driver and grab the pizza. I'll be right back."

I sit on the edge of the bed and look around the room. He's brought all my favorite movies and books from my apartment and set them all up around the bed. Seeing the all the effort he put in for me makes me extremely emotional. I start to cry in earnest. I hear the door shut and Ben says something about getting plates. I start trying to collect myself so he won't see me crying but it's too late.

"Emmy! What's wrong? Does it hurt? What can I do?"

"It's not that! Benedict, I have something I need to tell you. I've been keeping something from you these past few months and it's not fair to you."

"Emmy, what is it? I'm sure it's not that bad!"

I start crying harder and he sits next to me and holds me until I start to calm down a bit.

"It is that bad. Ben... I'm not who you think I am."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not the Emmy you think I am. I'm not supposed to be here. Kendall is a fairy godmother and she changed something in my past and now I'm here. Before I got here I was working at a store and my dad was dead and my mom was a lunatic and then I woke up and I was having sex with you! I had no idea where I was or how I got here! And Kendall says she messed up my memories so that I can't remember anything from this life! I can only remember the other one! And I haven't told you and I've been feeling so horrible!" By the end of my outburst, I'm completely wracked with sobs. Ben is looking at me bemusedly.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask, wiping my nose with my sleeve.

"Darling, the doctor said that you'd suffer some memory problems because of the concussion."

"It's not the concussion! I'm serious! I'm not the right Emmy!"

"I know it feels like it's real, but it's not. You just need to eat some pizza and rest a bit! What do you want to drink?"

"Benedict!" What the hell! I've just told him my deepest darkest secret and he's asking me what I want to drink!

"Emmy! You've just been in a horrible accident! And anyway, even if you were from some different timeline, it wouldn't matter!"

"It's not a different timeline... Kendall just made my mom change her mind about the doctor she went to see when I was young."

"Of course she did, sweetheart. Anyways - no matter which Emmy you are, I love you more than anything. You are the best part of my life and you make me so incredibly happy. I wouldn't let you leave me no matter where you came from or what life you had. I hope you'd love me no matter what."

"Of course I would!"

"Well, then it's settled! I love you. Now, what do you want to drink?"

"Do you have any milk?"

"One glass of milk and one slice...."

"Two slices," I interject quietly.

"...two slices of pizza, coming right up."

Relief washes over me in much the same way the morphine did in the hospital. I told him the truth and he chose not to believe it. There's nothing more I can do except eat pizza and watch TV with my gorgeous fiancee. Even though every inch of me is in pain right now, I have to say: life is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are 6 chapters left! Anything can happen! ;)


	15. Chapter Fifteen (Four Weeks)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and comments!!! I know I keep saying it but I mean it every single time!!! You guys are seriously the best!!!!!

The First Week.

The first night we were home, after the pizza, I decided I wanted to take a shower. I had only been wiped down at the hospital and I was dying for a proper hot shower. All I wanted in my life at that moment was to be covered in a rich lather and have my hair smell like something fruity. As it was I smelled of disinfectants and pain.

Benedict helped me up the stairs and into the bathroom. I made him leave so I could pee, and then he came back in to help me get my clothes off. I don’t think either of us was ready for what my nakedness would reveal. Deep purple bruises the size of my hands covered the entire left side of my body. Where my ribs had cracked was the worst of it.

“Christ, Emmy.” Ben walked out of the bathroom as I examined myself in the mirror. I heard him retching downstairs but I didn’t ask about it when he came back up. He helped me into the shower and helped me wash my hair and body. For all his teasing earlier, there was nothing sexual about this.

I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself gently and he stays in the shower a bit longer to clean himself. I brush my teeth and leave the bathroom and sit on the chair in his room and wait for him to be done as I’m scared to walk down the stairs alone.

When he comes out of the bathroom his eyes are significantly more red, but again I don’t ask, I only assume that he’s feeling the same way as me.

He puts on his pajamas and helps me put on mine and we slowly make our way down stairs. We get in bed and turn the lights off and he holds me close to him the rest of the night.

The week after the accident is much the same as the first night. I think we both needed to come to terms with how close I came to being seriously injured, myself especially. I hadn’t been taking this life as seriously as I should have, but as I lay awake that first night home from the hospital, I vowed to myself to start accepting that this is my life now.

The Second Week.

The pain from the accident started to fade around the second week. Everything was still stiff and sore but it’s more like how you feel after a hardcore workout than how you feel after being literally hit by a car. The doctor said that my wounds were healing nicely. Benedict told him about my “memory loss” and how I thought I came from another timeline and the doctor said that this was normal with concussions and that it should fade with time. I kept quiet during that conversation knowing that it wouldn’t help if I argued.

After I proved to Benedict that I could make it up and down the stairs without his help, he got rid of his bed and moved my bed up into his room. Or I guess it’s our room now.

Once the bed was out of the living room we started getting visitors. Ben’s parents came by almost every day and brought a cake each time. Benedict would always tease his mom about bringing so much food that we wouldn’t be able to finish, but I usually put a pretty big dent in all of them because the pain killers I was on gave me the munchies something fierce.

Martin and Amanda came by as well and as this was technically the first time I’ve met them it was really hard to hide the fact that I was completely star struck. It also didn’t help that I had just taken the aforementioned pain killers and may have been a bit loopy and may have kept calling Martin “Bilbo” and Amanda “Mary.” Luckily for me they all thought this was hilarious.

Ben and I got into an argument because I felt like I was ready to go back to work and he disagreed. Having not been used to someone tracking my every move, I may have been a bit grouchy being told what to do and what not to do. We made up once I conceded that he was only looking out for me and he conceded that I was going completely insane just sitting in the house all the time.

The Third Week.

The third week the doctor finally cleared me for work after I promised him that I wasn’t going to do any heavy lifting or strenuous movement. Honestly, I have an office job! What do they think I’m doing all day?!

It was really great being back at work! I worked a lot of late nights trying to catch up with all the people whose appointments I missed. This is the first time in my life that I’ve really enjoyed my job and was ready to get back after having some time off. I love what I do and I love helping people.

There’s another, more selfish reason that I was working long hours: Ben and I haven’t had sex since before the accident. The logical part of my brain realized that it’s because I’m injured and my bruises, while healing nicely, are still pretty scary looking and Ben doesn’t want to hurt me. The less logical, hormone filled part of my brain was convinced that he thinks I’m completely hideous and wants nothing to do with me ever again. I discussed this with him after a particularly taxing day at work for the both of us. I tried to come at him rationally and calmly but as soon as I opened my mouth I started sobbing and asking him why he didn’t love me anymore. Ben looked completely perplexed at my outburst, although he did hold me until I was done.

“Darling, we haven’t had sex because the doctor hasn’t cleared you yet! He said ‘no strenuous activity’ and I’d say that’s pretty strenuous. You know I love you! Bruises and all! I just don’t want to hurt you. Do you want some banoffee pie? My mum brought some by earlier.”

After that, everything was completely fine, which brings me to now:

The Fourth Week.

I’m sitting in the waiting room of my doctor’s appointment and I am determined to ask him if it’s safe for Benedict and I to have sex again. I haven’t had sex in a month and I am not above begging this man to write a note to Ben, clearing me for some dick.

A nurse comes into the waiting area and calls my name. “Emmy Bracken!”

I get up and follow her to a cold white room where she checks my blood pressure and leaves me to wait for the doctor. After reading an article about a woman whose husband turned out to be an undercover spy, the doctor finally comes in.

“Emmy! You’re looking much better. Have you been doing those exercises I showed you?”

“Yes, I have! They were really hard at first but now I can do them without flinching.”

“Excellent, excellent. And how’s your arm? Any pain?”

“No, just a lot of itching.”

“Ah, yes. That’s quite normal. We should be able to take the cast off in a couple more weeks. How are your ribs?”

“They’re a lot better! I can take a deep breath without doping up first so that’s been nice.”

“I can imagine. Now, I’d like to take some X-Ray’s just to check and see where we’re at with the healing process.”

“Doctor?”

“Yes, Emmy?”

“Um.. this is awkward. Would it be safe for my fiancé and I to have sex now?”

“As long as you’re comfortable with it and stop if you’re feeling any pain.” He makes a couple notes on his clipboard. “Do you have anymore questions before I send you to x-ray?”

“No, sir! That’s all I needed to know.”

“Alright, Miss Bracken, I’ll see you after your x-rays!”

He sends me to radiology and after an hour of turning a hundred different ways it seems my ribs are almost completely healed. I hug the doctor and thank him profusely for everything he’s done for me. He reminds me that I still need to come back in two weeks to get my cast off and I hug him again and practically run out of the hospital so I can text Benedict.

Me: What are you doing?

Ben: Having lunch with Tom. How did your appointment go? x

Me: I’ll tell you all about it when you get home ;)

Ben: On my way now xxxxxxxxxxxx

I make it home before him and I run upstairs and start taking my clothes off. As soon as I’m down to my bra and panties, I hear the front door slam.

“Emmy?”

“Up here!”

I hear his foot steps running up the stairs. As soon as he comes into the room and sees me he stops.

“Well?” he asks.

I wiggle my eye brows at him.

“Oh, thank Christ!” He immediately starts pulling his clothes off as I pull off the rest of mine. He makes it to me in two long strides and wraps his arms around my middle. He kisses me with abandon and I kiss him back just as hard.

“Ben.” More kissing.

“Ben…” Even more kissing.

“Benedict.” A growl, then still more kissing.

I push him away for a second. “Ben!”

“I’m sorry! Are you alright? Did I hurt you?!”

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to say…”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” I smile really big and he laughs.

“I love you too, darling. So much.” He hugs me to him gently but firmly. He begins kissing me again, this time slower and more deliberate. Our lips break contact only so we can back onto the bed. He sits back against the headboard and I climb up and straddle him.

We begin kissing again and he moves his hands up to play with my breasts. As his hands squeeze me I begin grinding on top of him. He’s been hard since he took his clothes off but I swear I can feel him growing harder underneath me. I pull away from him slightly.

“Ben, baby, I need you inside me,” I whisper to him, our foreheads pressed together.

He reaches down to feel inside me and moans. “Oh, Emmy, you’re so wet already.”

“Yeah, getting hit by a car did nothing to curb my sexual appetite. Or my actual appetite.”

We both laugh. He puts his hands on my hips to help steady me as I get into position to lower myself onto him. I can feel my walls stretching to take him in. Our eyes are locked the entire time and when he’s fully inside of me, his eyes close and he lets out a breathy chuckle.

Once my body has adjusted to the intrusion I begin to swivel my hips slowly, testing out my movements so as not to hurt myself. Ben moves his hands from my hips to thread them into my hair, pulling my face to him and kissing me. We stay this way for a while, enjoying the closeness of each other, feeling the sweat between our bodies as our hands roam freely.

Eventually the desire to make him come inside me takes over and I begin moving faster and harder. Ben leans back a little to watch where our bodies are joined and he begins playing with my clit.

“Oh God, Ben. YES!” I start moving even faster.

“Yessssss, yes darling, come for me. You feel so good, you look so amazing bouncing on my cock. I’ve missed your tits so much.” He leans forward again and takes one in his mouth. “Mmmm, yes they’re divine.”

“Ben, fuck.” I’m breathing heavily now, my release burning just under the surface. Ben leans forward and takes my other breast in his mouth and my orgasm finally takes me, my finger nails digging into his shoulders and down the front of his chest. I hear him growling, then moaning, as his orgasm hits him.

“That was nice,” I say, kissing the marks I left on his chest.

“Yes, it was. How are you feeling?” He asks, looking at me with concern.

“I’m great. How are you feeling? Ready to go again?”

He takes a deep breath through his nose and looks to the side as if he’s thinking. “I think I can handle another round. Do you want some cake first to refuel?”

“How about cake during?” I say with a wink.

While Ben is downstairs getting cake, I think about how lucky I am. I’ve been hit by a car for Christ’s sake! Surely my bad luck is out of the way. Surely Karma is done coming around and back around or whatever. We’re even, right?

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of the end! Five more chapters!! Infinite sad face!


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning! Poorly written, but it's there! So NSFW or for prying eyes!

(Six Months Later)

11 a.m.

"Emmy." Ben whispers my name in my ear trying to wake me up. His hands run slowly up and down my bare skin. He nibbles on my ear and whispers again. "It’s time to wake up, sweetheart."

I have never been so annoyed in my entire life.

"Fifteen more minutes," I grumble out, my voice thick with sleep.

"You said that thirty minutes ago. We have to leave in forty five minutes."

Ignoring this, I roll away from him, wrapping myself in the comforter like a human burrito. I overshoot how much room I have on the bed and roll completely off and hit the floor with a thud. Luckily the layers of comforter break my fall and I get comfortable on the floor and try to go back to sleep.

"Emmyyyyy!" He comes down to the floor where I am and lays on top of me. "Seriously, you need to get up! We’re going to be late!"

"Since when did you care if you were late? Who are you trying to impress?"

"You, obviously. Now get up!" He starts poking the comforter in random places, trying to tickle me out of my haven of blanket.

"FINE! Fine, I’m up!!!!!! Jesus Christ, I can never sleep in!" I try to gracefully unroll myself from the comforter. It proves impossible as I flail about with my legs trying to kick it off. I end up crawling into the bathroom with the covers still stuck to my leg, Benedict’s laughter following me in.

Today we are having lunch with our parents. My parents are in town because we are getting married Saturday which is a week from today! In seven days I will become Mrs. Cumberbatch! Well, I’ll still be Emmy Bracken, but let’s just pretend for a second that I want to spell my name out to people for the rest of my life.

After lunch, Ben is checking into a hotel for the week so we can pretend we’re traditional. Then we are going to our joint bachelor/bachelorette party! I’m so excited! There’s going to be dancing, karaoke, and lots and lots of alcohol! I’ve made a few friends since I’ve been here, mainly people that work in my building, and they’re all coming! They all swear they’re cool, but I really can’t wait to see how they react to all the famous people that are going to be there as Ben’s guests! Hell, I even still get star struck! We were out to dinner a couple months ago and Harrison fucking Ford came up to our table with Ally McBeal and said hello! I thought I was going to die!

An hour later I descend the stairs wearing the highest strappy heels I have ever owned, a high waisted tan pencil skirt, a black and white striped top, and bright red lipstick. I am trying to look as sexy as possible today so Ben will lose his mind being away from me for a week.

"Wow." He’s waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, his jaw on the ground.

"Wow? Wow what?" I ask calmly, digging through my purse to find my sunglasses, trying to be completely nonchalant even though the balls of my feet are on fire.

"WOW, you look unbelievable! I’ve never seen those shoes before. I like them."

"I’m glad, they cost the same as my first car." I smile and kiss his cheek and we walk out the door.

~~~  
3 p.m.  
Lunch with the parents went great. My mom and Ben’s mom have been planning the wedding together via Skype, and my mom flew out here a few weeks after my accident to go over some of the details in person with Wanda, so they were thick as thieves. I’m so relieved they took such an interest in planning this thing because I really could care less about any of it. I just want to be married to Benedict and start our lives together, officially.

Right now we’re getting Ben settled into his suite. He’s putting all his toiletries in the bathroom and I’m hanging up his shirts and pants in the closet.

"I bet you’re excited to get away from me for a little bit. Relive some of your glory days before you got tied down to the hottest chick in London," I say as he comes back into the bedroom.

"You could just stay here with me."

"I could…. But what would be the point? Don’t you want our wedding night to be special?"

"It’s already going to be special." He puts his arms around my waist and begins kissing my neck.

"Mmmmm, Benny." I take a deep breath and blow it out trying to focus on what I’m saying. "I know it’s going to be special, but I mean, if we go a week without sex then imagine how amazing it’ll be on our wedding night."

"It’s always amazing." He continues kissing my neck and starts guiding me toward the bed.

"Ben." He dips me onto the bed. "Beeeeeennnn." I back up and he crawls over the top of me. "Ben!"

"Yes, darling?"

"We’re supposed to be abstaining!" I try and scoot off the bed but find it difficult with his legs on either side of mine. Also, he’s really hot.

"Don’t you want to have a lovely send off? Something to remember me by?"

"I thought that’s what last night was for?" I wink at him and he smirks.

"Last night was to try and get you to change your mind about it. This is about having a proper send off!"

I sigh loudly and give him a command.

"Put your head on the pillows, feet on the bottom of the bed."

Once he does this I hike up my skirt and straddle his hips.

"Ahhhhhhh, yes," he says, putting his hands on my legs as I slowly grind on top of him.

"You like that, baby?" I lean forward and use my arms to push my breasts up so that they’re basically coming out of my shirt. He reaches up to grab them but I grab his wrists and pin them up above his head. He could easily overpower me but he lets me have my way. I begin kissing him with fervor, showing him with my lips and tongue how much I want him, how much I need him. He gives back just as passionately. I stop kissing him and slide slowly down his body, unbuttoning his shirt and kissing every inch of skin I uncover. When I get to his belt I look up at him with a mischievous grin, leave a quick kiss on his khaki covered cock and roll off the bed.

"I gotta go get ready for tonight! Love you!" I grab my purse and run out of the room laughing. I can hear his exclamations from just outside his room.

"You will pay for this, you gorgeous woman!" I can hear the frustrated laughter in his voice.

While I’m waiting for the elevator I clench my fists and prance around in pure excitement. The elevator pings and the doors open up to show two older business men standing far apart from each other. They look alarmed at the look of pure giddiness on my face. I giggle at their expressions as I stand between them. Ahhh! I’m so fucking happy!

~~~

8 p.m.

My friends and I have just arrived to the party. Ant, Beatrice, and I had gotten ready at mine and Ben’s place and I have to say we all look pretty fucking hot walking up the steps to the venue. It seemed completely dark from the outside and I was just about to turn around and ask the driver if he was sure this was the place when Michael Fassbender opens the door.

"Emmy! You’re here! Wait ‘til you see the place! Ben’s already dancing, he told me to watch for you!"

I run the rest of the way up the stairs and kiss Michael on the cheek. “Hey! These are my friends Antonia and Beatrice, Ant and Bea for short.”

"Hello, Ant and Bea for short. Lovely to meet you! Come inside!" He goes inside and I hold the door open for the girls. A couple seconds later I realize they’re not coming so I look back and they’re standing with their jaws on the floor.

"They’re normal people, I swear. Be cool! You guys are awesome and you both look incredible, there’s no reason to be nervous!"

They both look at each other, then at me, nod, then follow me inside. All three of us gasp when we walk in. The room is huge, white statues and columns dotted through out the place. There are rainbows of colored lights shining everywhere. Even the dance floor is a giant rainbow light fixture, the colors twinkling pleasantly underneath the dancers’ feet.

"I need a drink," Bea says and we all look around until we see the bar. She and Ant go get some booze and I turn back to look for Ben on the dance floor. Sure enough he’s right in the middle, dancing with a bunch of his friends. I walk toward him and I must catch his eye because his head turns my way and his eyes are huge.

I’m wearing a strapless black party dress with a sweetheart top. There is a pink sash tied around my waist and the skirt flares out beneath that and I’m still wearing my heels from earlier. Ben immediately stops dancing and walks over to me.

"Darling, you look delicious." He looks down at the ample cleavage that just so happens to be the reason I bought this dress and I swear I can see him start to drool.

"The room looks amazing, Ben! They did a wonderful job with everything!"

"Uh huh."

"My eyes are up here, baby."

He looks up slowly and smiles once his eyes meet mine. “And what beautiful eyes they are. Where are your friends?”

"They’re getting something to drink, which is what I’m about to do!"

"I’ll come with you."

"Good, I need someone to lean on because these shoes are killing me."

"Why did you wear them then?"

"Because I paid a lot of money for them! And they make me look hot."

"Trust me, you do not need those shoes to look hot." His hand moves from my lower back to my neck and he pulls me in for a kiss.

9 p.m.

Ben and I have been making the rounds since I got here, welcoming everyone, and Ben introducing me to some people I haven’t met before. Everyone seems so happy to be here and happy that we’re getting married. It’s a very exciting time.

11 p.m.

We have been sneaking behind the columns and statues to make out and tease each other mercilessly all night. While Chris Pine is singing a duet with Alice Eve, we sneak behind a statue of a naked woman with one arm and start kissing again. Ben bends down to start kissing my chest and moves his hands up the back of my legs and stops abruptly.

"Emmy."

"Yes?"

"Are you wearing garters?"

"Yes. And a corset. How do you think I got this dress to zip and these thigh highs to stay up?"

He slowly moves his hands up further and stops over my panties. “Are those ruffles?!”

"Perhaps." I start kissing his neck and running my hands up his chest, feeling his musculature through his shirt.

"We need to go."

"Hmmmm? Go where?"

"Anywhere, I don’t care. I need you now." He puts his hands around my face and makes me look at him. "Please, Emmy."

Well, how can I say no to that when he asked so nicely? He’s had me in a constant state of arousal all night with his teasing, and that mixed with my drunken state had me feeling wild with desire for him. I grab his hand and we head away from the party and find an empty coat check room near the entrance. As soon as we were inside he slams the door and locks it. He turns around and stalks toward me slowly.

"No games. Fuck me now Benedict or I swear to God…" I start forward and reach out for him and he meets me half way in a tight embrace, my hands tearing at his buttons, his undoing my garters and pulling down my panties. They only make it to my knees before he roughly turns me around and bends me over a table in the middle of the room.

Thank God for these heels and this table because they are the perfect height for this. Ben pushes my skirt up, exposing my ass. He reaches his hand to the front of my pussy, runs his fingers through my slit and moans as he feels the wetness that has gathered there throughout the night. I whimper and tried to push back on his fingers but his other hand on my ass holds me steady.

He kneels now, his hand still holding me down, and I feel his breath on my slick heat. He takes a deep breath and licks from the front of my cunt all the way to the back, stopping in the middle to put his tongue deep in my center while I cry out.

"Mmmmm, you taste so sweet, my beautiful fiancé." He stands back up and slides his hand up to the back of my neck and pushes me down onto the table. The slick, cool surface feels good on my flushed cheeks. I hear him undoing his belt and unzipping his pants and my legs begin shaking with anticipation. He pulls out his dick and rubs it along my wetness.

"You want this, darling? Do you want my cock inside your hot, wet little cunt?"

"Please, please, oh my Go-"

Ben slams himself into me and I cry out with pain and relief. He pulls almost all the way out and slams himself back in again. He runs his hands up and down my body which is still pressed against the top of the table. He bends over me and bites my shoulder with a growl as he begins grinding himself into me hard.

"Oh Ben, oh you feel so good."

"As do you, sweetheart," he rumbles into my ear. He stands back up, grabs my hips and begins fucking me harder than he ever has before and just the thought of him having me bent over a table and wide open for him while all our friends are outside has me so hot I can barely stand myself. I reach my hand down to relieve some of the pressure and come instantly. I scream out his name and a few choice profanities as he goes harder still and comes inside me soon after.

Breathing hard, Ben collapses over the top of me.

"Thanks for that," he says, panting.

"I’d say that was a proper send off, wouldn’t you?"

"Nothing about that was proper." He stands up and pulls me up with him, straightening my hair and kissing my lips. "I love you so much. I can’t wait to be your husband."

"And I can’t wait to be your wife." I pull my panties back up and re-hook my garters while Ben leans against the table trying to catch his breath. "Do I look presentable?"

"You look freshly fucked," he says with a smirk.

"Excellent. I’ll head out first so no one gets the wrong idea. Plus you need to get that lipstick off your face. I’ll meet you on the dance floor, gorgeous." I kiss him on the lips and make my way back to the party.

As soon as I shut the door I know something is off. The music has stopped and there is an eerie hush over the room. I start walking slower, not really wanting to go any further without Benedict at my side. All of a sudden Ben’s friend Adam burst through the door making me jump.

"Oh, Emmy! Thank God! Where’s Ben?" His eyes are wide and his face is as white as a sheet.

"What happened, Adam?" I ask against my better judgement.

"Emmy, there’s been an accident. A horrible accident…" His voice broke. "Ben’s parents…."

I know that face. I’ve seen that face.

Oh no. Oh God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!!!


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for death of a minor character! Sorry about that!

The last twenty-four hours have been a blur. As soon as Ben came out of the room to see Adam and me talking he knew something was wrong. He asked me what was happening but I couldn’t even say the words, I could only stand there in abject horror as Adam told him that his parents had been in an accident and that they hadn’t survived. Ben swore and vomited into the nearest trash can. I ran to him and rubbed his back until he was finished. When he stood again, he asked to go see the bodies.

The entire way to the hospital Ben was angry. He was insistent that there had been some kind of mistake, that there was no way it could have been Wanda and Timothy. He held my hand as he called both of their cellphones and he groaned in annoyance when they didn’t answer. Once we finally reached the hospital he began to calm down and once we reached the ward they were being held in he stopped walking altogether.

"Emmy, I don’t think I can do this."

"You don’t have to do this." I pull him over to a chair in the waiting room. "The… bodies have already been identified, Benedict. We know it’s them."

He begins to cry for the first time since hearing the news. “I know. I know it’s them. I need to see.”

"Do you want me to come with you?" I ask him gently.

"Ple- please." His voice breaks.

"Of course." I nod at the nurse that has been waiting for us by the door since we got here.

I have no idea how I manage to keep it together watching Ben cry over his parents, holding their hands and kissing their faces in turn. I just stay by him, biting my lip, letting a few tears fall silently. After a quarter of an hour he gets up from his mom’s bedside and turns to me.

"I’m ready to go," he says, his voice uneven.

"Do you want to go home or is there somewhere else…"

"Home. I want to go home."

"Alright."

~~~

I had the driver wait outside for us so that he could take us wherever we needed to go without having to wait for another one to come when Ben was ready to leave.

When we get home, Ben stays in the entry way.

"What do I do? What can I do?" He asks me, his eyes pleading.

"We’ll take it one step at a time. Right now, let’s go upstairs and change out of these uncomfortable clothes." I hold my hand out to him and he takes it.

~~~

We went upstairs and changed and as soon as we got back downstairs there was a knock at the door, and the people haven’t stopped coming to the flat or calling Ben’s phone since. His half-sister called and he went into another room to speak to her. Apparently she and her husband were on holiday and were flying in the next day. Every time someone new came to the flat, the tears would start fresh. I know that everyone meant well, but I wanted to make them all leave so that he could have a moment to himself to rest but Ben is a social creature and does better with people around him to share his grief.

I tried to make the rounds and talk to everyone while keeping an eye on Ben. Every now and then I would see him search the crowd for me in a panic and I would excuse myself and make my way back to where he was.

~~~

Our place has been filled with people all night and all day. People have brought food and I’ve been accepting flower deliveries since early this morning. The people who run his family’s estate called his phone earlier but I fielded the call and let Ben know that they wanted to see him and his sister tomorrow. He thanked me and turned back to Mark and Martin, who he was talking to before I interrupted.

Since Ben seems to be occupied, I decide to check my cellphone. There are over eighty missed calls. I press on the screen to get to the list of people whose calls I’ve missed and am surprised to only see one name: Kendall.

Oh my God. Kendall!! Of course!!! She fixed things for me! She must be able to fix things for Ben! I almost forget that there’s an entire flat filled with people mourning because I want to whoop and jump up and down but I just manage to keep my cool. I get up and grab my purse and let Amanda know to keep an eye on Ben and that I had to pop out really fast.

I grab my purse and literally run out the door. I get my phone back out and immediately punch in Kendall’s number.

"Emmy! Thank God!!!!!!"

"Kendall, I need to see you right away. Where are you?"

"I need to see you too! I’ve found a solution for our problem!" She works fast! "I’m actually at the cafe on the corner from your flat."

"I’ll be there in two minutes!!"

She’s already figured it out! A way to fix all of this, to save Ben’s parents! God, she’s amazing, I don’t know why I didn’t call her first thing! I throw my phone into my purse and start jogging to the cafe.

Once I get there I find her sitting at a booth drinking a coffee. She hears me enter and turns to me with a jubilant look on her face that falls as soon as she sees what must be the evidence of the thousands of tears I’ve shed today. She stands up and comes to me, pulling me into her arms.

"Emmy, what’s wrong? What’s happened?"

"You haven’t heard about Ben’s parents?"

She steps back from me but still holds on to my shoulders. “No! What’s happened to them?”

"They’re dead."

"Oh God, Emmy! I’m so sorry!"

"Don’t be sorry, fix it! Fix it, like you did for me! Go change their decision to go out tonight or something! I mean, you messed mine up, maybe you can make your new test fixing this for Ben!" My excitement at such a simple solution has gotten the best of me and I’ve gotten a little louder than I’ve intended to. Kendall takes my hand and leads me to a park across the street and we sit on a bench facing a fountain.

"Emmy, it’s not that easy. I can’t just fix anyone, I can’t just fix who I want!"

"You fixed me! You said you chose me! Choose Ben! I swear, he’s a much better person than I am! He deserves his parents, they’re so wonderful and he’s so close with them."

"It’s not possible. I can’t do it. And I can’t just ‘choose’ Ben. There’s a process, and he won’t get chosen. He’s had an amazing life. He’s had his parents for almost 40 years, he’s already the person that he’s going to become."

"How is that fair!? He’s had his parents for longer so it’s okay if they both die in a horrible accident, is that what you’re saying??"

"No! No, that’s not what I’m saying! You aren’t supposed to know that we exist, and there’s a reason for that! There’s so much that goes into the selection process, you couldn’t begin to understand it. What I’m saying is that there’s nothing I can do for Ben. I’m so sorry."

Suddenly the reality of what is happening, of what has happened and what will happen comes crashing down on me. I begin to sob, finally letting the events of the day take over my mind. I think of Ben looking over his parent’s bodies, I think of how completely lost he must feel to lose both of them in one go. I think of how inadequate I feel to be there for him during this horrific loss. I think of the death of my father, and how it broke me. I think of how unfair it is that I should have this second chance with him while Benedict is breaking like I once was.

Kendall holds me while I break down, and although her’s aren’t the arms I crave, they will do for now. Once I’m done I remember why she called me.

"You said you had a solution to my problem. What did you mean?"

"We don’t need to talk about that right now, you should get home."

"No, tell me. Please."

She looks at me for a moment before she speaks, almost as if she’s deciding what to say. “I found a way to make you forget your old life, and to retain all the memories that you didn’t have in this one.”

"I don’t know if I can do that. It’s too easy, too simple. Maybe before… but now. Are there any other options?"

"None worth exploring," she says as her gaze follows a leaf blowing by her feet.

"How about you let me be the judge of that? What else is there?"

She takes a deep breath and then looks me in the eyes. “I can send you back to your old life. None of this will have happened. You won’t remember anything.”

"Well, that’s it then! You can send me back, and his parents won’t have been out tonight! They wouldn’t have been out because Ben wouldn’t have been marrying me!"

"Emmy, that’s ridiculous! How do you know they wouldn’t have died anyway! How do you know Ben’s life would be better off without you! You know if you do this your dad will be dead! Your mom will be back to how she was! You won’t remember any of this, you won’t remember Benedict! Don’t you love him?"

I didn’t think of any of that. My head is spinning, but one thing is at the forefront of my mind. “Of fucking COURSE I love him! I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone and right now he’s hurting so much and it’s MY fault! This entire life is a sham. I don’t know why I let this go on so long. I don’t know why…”

"Because you were happy. It’s a great feeling, Emmy. That’s why we do what we do."

"Well, I was used to my life before. I was used to being… fine. I was fine. And I will be fine. Just.. just send me back. Send me back, make me forget. I won’t remember anything so I won’t know to miss it." I say these things more to myself than to Kendall, then I look up at her. "What do I need to do?"

"Nothing. I can send you back right now. Look, Emmy, are you sure you want to do this? Don’t you want to sleep on it at least?" She asks me, pleading.

"Ben has to meet with his family’s lawyers or whatever and plan his parents’ funeral tomorrow. I don’t want to sleep on it. Just give me a few hours, please? Can you do that?"

"Yes." She looks at me for a long moment and pulls me into a hug. "I’m so sorry, Emmy. I’m so sorry."

"Me too."

~~~

I knock on the door of my parents’ hotel room. I can hear both of their footsteps rushing to the door and pulling it open.

"Oh, Emmy, my sweet girl," my mom cries out as soon as she sees me. She pulls me into her arms and kisses my head. My dad comes up and holds the both of us. I begin to cry again in earnest, shaking and sobbing into my mother’s chest.

Being held by my mother is a position I can’t remember ever being in. I had always run to my dad when something upset me and he did a wonderful job trying to cheer me up and telling me everything would be okay. To be welcomed into the safety of my mom’s warm embrace is something completely different. She whispers words of comfort into my hair, tells me that I am strong, and that I will get through this. She tells me how much she loves me and that no matter what she and my father will always be there for Benedict and I, whatever we need. I don’t respond, I just let her hold me while my dad sits next to us and nods in agreement to everything my mom is saying.

My phone begins to vibrate in my pocket and I sit up and pull it out. It’s Amanda, and Benedict is asking for me.

"I have to go, Benedict needs me." I stand and wipe my face on my sleeves.

My dad stands as well. “Do you need us to come with you?”

"No, I’ve got this. I’ll c-call you tomorrow."

My mom stands next to my dad and they both hug me and tell me they love me and that they’ll see me tomorrow.

~~~

When I walk into our flat, it’s empty except for Amanda sitting on the couch.

"Ben’s upstairs," Amanda says to me. "He was feeling tired."

"Of course, of course. Thank you so much for staying with him."

"If you two need anything at all, please call us."

"We will." She puts on her coat, kisses my cheek, and walks out into the night.

~~~

Ben is lying curled up in the bed. His eyes open when he hears me enter the room and the bright golden blue of them is gone, replaced with something dark and unbearable. I walk over to the bed and lay next to him, encouraging him to lay his head on my chest. When he does, I wrap my arms around him and he begins to weep.

"Shhhhh, my sweet Benedict, it will be okay. I promise." His hand grabs a fistful of my shirt and and he nods against my chest. I kiss the top of his head and run my fingers softly through his hair. I try and sooth him for my last moments here, to make him comfortable enough to sleep. Eventually his crying stops and I hear a soft snore emanating from where his head lay.

I take a deep breath and find that I have no more tears inside me. I kiss his head one more time and let the last year wash over me as I accept defeat from the sleep that has been trying to take me over. I don’t want to be awake when I leave this place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you a happy ending. That's all I'll say!


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys SO MUCH for your comments and kudos.

I Felt Your Shape - p18

But I don't know  
The nights are cold  
I remember warmth  
I could have sworn  
I wasn't alone.  
The Microphones - I Felt Your Shape

 

The alarm goes off and startles me so much that I fall off the bed trying to swat at it to turn it off. As soon as I do I realize I'm completely covered in melted chocolate ice cream. Dammit, I guess I fell asleep with the bowl on my chest last night. I pick myself and the bowl up off my floor and head into the kitchen.

My laundry room is right off the kitchen so I take off my pajamas and throw them in the washing machine. I go back into my room and check my sheets and sure enough they're covered in ice cream too. I throw them in the wash as well and then head to the bathroom to take a shower.

I must be about to start my period because as soon as I wet my hair I begin to feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I try to push it back, telling myself it's only hormones, but of course it doesn't work.

As I'm going through my morning routine my eyes keep welling up but I never let the tears fall because I don't feel like redoing my eyeliner and mascara. I make a mental note to buy the waterproof next time because this shit smudges something fierce.

Now that I'm ready to face the day I decide to call my mom back after her lovely message from last night.

"Hello?" she asks as if I'm some kind of magical criminal that could shoot her through the phone.

"Hey mom, it's me!" I always try to start the conversations with her off cheery so maybe she'll forget that she hates me.

"Emmy, how are you feeling today?" That's a bit weird, she never asks about me.

"Ummm, I'm feeling alright, I guess? How are you, mom?"

"I'm.... I'm okay. I want to... apologize for my message last night." I almost drop the phone. She has CERTAINLY never apologized before.

"It's okay! You probably just had a bad day or something." I mean obviously it's not okay but I honestly have no idea what to say. 

"No, I didn't have a bad day. I was just being my usual self and it's not fair to you." What the hell????

"Mom, are you okay? Is everything alright??"

"Everything is fine. I've been seeing someone and I've been scared to tell you about it. He talked me into going to counseling and getting help for my issues."

I'm torn between being jubilant because FINALLY and being angry because why did it take this long??

"Are you there, Emmy?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm here." I might as well be positive. "I'm happy for you! And proud. I know it can be scary to ask for help."

"It was, but I'm glad I did it. I just had another episode last night and Mark, that's the guy I'm seeing, overheard me leaving you the message and asked me how I thought things like that made you feel."

"And?"

"I figured that they don't make you feel very good."

"No, but I know you don't mean it."

"I don't and I'm sorry. Do you work today?"

"Yes, I'm actually about to leave the house now."

"What time do you get off?"

"Five o'clock."

"Do you think you could come to dinner with us tonight? Mark and me? I'd like it if you could meet him." She sounds almost timid. I've never ever heard my mother sound timid. 

"Sure, where at?"

"Guarisco's. At 7 o' clock?"

"I'll be there." 

"Emmy?" 

"Yeah, mom?" 

"I love you." 

"I love you too." 

We hang up and I stare at the phone as if it can tell me what the fuck just happened but it has no answers so I just leave for work.

~~~

Of course my first customer today is a return. I watch the older woman shuffle up to the register with a bag in her hand. When she makes it to me she places her bag on the counter.

"Hello there! Do you have a return?"

"Yes. These slippers." Ahhh this is the lady from last night, the one who dropped her money!

"Did they not fit your mother? Did you want to exchange them for a different size?"

"No, no exchange." She's looking at me like she's about to cry. I hope her mom didn't die or something. "They just... didn't work out."

"Oh, well. I can give you your money back since you have your receipt! No harm done!" I try to sound really cheery and give her a big smile so that she won't actually start crying. I start processing the return on the computer and out of the corner of my eye I notice that she's staring at me intently. I look up at her questioningly but she says nothing so I continue with the transaction.

"Alright, ma'am. Here's your money and a coupon for your next visit. You have a great day."

She stares at me for a minute more and then reaches out and puts her hand over mine, which is sitting where I had placed her money. My instinct is to jerk away because I'm not a huge fan of when strange people touch me but I keep still because... well I don't know why.

"I'm sorry again," she says in a quiet voice.

"It's okay! This stuff happens, we don't expect everyone to keep everything. No one's perfect all of the time." I say this all in an awkward high pitched voice because that's what I do when I'm nervous. She looks at me one more time and I feel something, a shadow of the sadness I felt this morning. Then she nods and walks away.

I need a cigarette.

~~~

When I get to the restaurant that night my mom and Mark are sitting on a bench waiting for me. When I get closer I realize that they're holding hands. I'd smile if I weren't so shocked. Once they see me my mom shoots up as if the bench had burned her. Mark looks at her with amusement and stands up a bit slower.

"Emmy! Hello! This is Mark!" She's speaking so excitedly that it's hard to know how to react.

"Hi, Mark. I'm Emmy," I say, laughter in my voice.

"Hello, Emmy. It's lovely to meet you finally." He's tall and of a medium build. His sandy brown hair and beard are peppered with grey. He has a kind face and a warm smile and he is exactly the opposite of what I've imagined my mother would go for. I mean, I always pictured her with a slimy, horned demon so I guess that's not a fair assessment.

My mom looks nervous, but happy and it's more than I could have asked for. Mark is amazing. He's funny and patient and he seems to be really fond of my mom. She and I have had a turbulent relationship but I know she can't help the way she is and I still want the best for her and honestly, this is the happiest I've ever seen her. She's been smiling and laughing the whole evening! I mean really.

I'm just finishing up my dessert when Mark gives a meaningful look to my mother. She starts to look nervous again.

"What's up, mom?"

"Well, Emmy. There's something that I've been keeping from you since your father died and it's was selfish of me and I apologize and I hope that you'll forgive me ---" she's speaking all of this so fast that it's hard to keep up.

"Mom, slow down. What is it?"

"When your dad died he left behind some money. Because I was still on all of his paperwork it came to me."

"Okay, what does that have to do with me?"

"I'm sure he would have wanted you to have it but I didn't want to give it to you."

"Mom, you know I don't care about money. Of course I forgive you! You can pay me back by buying my dinner." I laugh and look at the both of them but my mom looks even more nervous and Mark just looks uncomfortable.

"Emmy, I'm going to give you the money now. I never did anything with it, it just sat in my bank for the longest time. I didn't feel right because I knew it was rightfully yours."

"Why are you so nervous? How much are we talking here?" I mean, my mom freaks over the slightest thing so it can't be more than five hundred, a thousand tops. I take a sip (okay, maybe it's more than a sip) of my wine and my mom pulls a check out of her purse and hands it over to me and the wine promptly comes pouring out of my mouth, down my dress and into my sandals. 

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

~~~

My co-workers and I often spend days wistfully planning what we'd do with our lottery winnings if we ever won. It usually involves renting a limo to go pick up our checks. We'd obviously want it all in one lump sum as life is too short for yearly payouts. After that we'd buy a house. Some would want a ranch out west in Nevada or somewhere. Some would want a nice mansion in the north east. Some would stay in the south and buy a beach house.

I always wanted to go to London. Buy an apartment, work in a neat store for something to do and a way to meet people, and live comfortably. Everyone always teased me about how boring it sounded but honestly after everything I've been through, boring sounds really nice.

The check my mom gave me tonight isn't quite a lottery jackpot but it's certainly enough to be getting along with. In a fit of paranoia, when my mom and dad were married she put a couple life insurance policies on the both of them and they both paid really really well.

I can't believe my mom thought I'd be angry at her for keeping it from me. I mean, I get why she may think that, but in the grand scheme of things this is really the least of the horrible things she's done to me and she seems to be turning a corner and that's all I could have ever hoped for.

We leave the restaurant late. On my way home I decide to take a detour to the cemetery where my dad is buried. It's pitch black outside but there's a bright street light next to the entrance that adds enough light to see the ground and read the names on the tombstones.

The cemetery is very old. I used to come here with my grandmother when I was a very small child. She would bring flowers to her parents' graves and I would run around, fascinated by all the dates on the tombstones. I didn't understand death then. These were just holes in the ground with concrete on top. Now when I look at the graves I think of the people who mourned for the ones inside them. I wonder if they had spouses, children, friends. I wonder how many of them had no one.

My dad's grave is in the back of the cemetery between 2 medium sized pine trees. I used to come here a lot right after he passed away. I would tell him about my day, about what was happening at work. I'd tell him about my promotions and about customers. I'd tell him when my mom had one of her episodes and I needed to vent. Eventually it began to feel like I was talking to myself and I stopped coming.

I step up to his grave and start clearing the pine needles and leaves that seem to have been accumulating since the last time I was here. Once I'm done I sit with my back against his tombstone and stare at my feet. 

"I went to dinner with mom and her new boyfriend tonight and mom gave me a check for a lot of money and that wasn't even the most shocking thing that happened today. You know, she actually acknowledged the way she treats me? She told me she loved me! It was completely out of character for her. Can you believe that?"

The whippoorwills are out in force tonight. Their cries and the cool wind rustling the trees around me are the only response to my question. I shift on top of the grave and bring my knees up to wrap my arms around. I feel a bit awkward talking in a dark cemetery but I suppose I'm just out of practice. I start again. 

"What am I supposed to do now? Should I stay where I am? Should I go do what I've always wanted? You always encouraged me to go where my heart takes me. I guess that's why I'm here with you right now. I miss you so much, daddy. Sometimes it's so hard to believe that you're gone, it feels like you're just there, just out of site. Like if I reached out far enough, if I just squinted my eyes..."

The lonely feeling from this morning starts to wash over me again and I let myself feel it this time. My dad was so good at consoling me. He had a way of making everything seem like it wasn't that big of a deal. The cold concrete and marble beneath and behind me are a poor substitute for my dad's warm arms but it's all I have left of him now. That, and this money. I try to compose myself. 

"I think I'm going to go for it, dad. I think I'm going to go to London. I feel like I need to be there. I know it's completely ridiculous but it just feels like it's the place for me. I know that's what you would want me to do with this money. I know you'd want me to have an adventure. If I fuck up, I fuck up. I'll come home and I'll start over again but at least I'll have tried." 

Decision made, I stand up and brush myself off. I kiss my hand and touch it to his name. 

"I love you so much. I miss you so much." 

The whippoorwills have been joined by crickets as I walk back through the cemetery to my car. A wind much warmer than before blows from behind me. I turn around and take a last look at my dad's grave as if I might see him waving goodbye but the cold concrete and marble are still all that remains. 

It's time to fix this meaningless existance. It's time to go. It's time to do. It's time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters left! And Mark is not Mycroft Mark! He's just a regular Mark :)


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and commented! You guys are seriously my favorite.

_You know I dreamed about you for 29 years before I saw you._  
The National - Slow Show

Six Months Later

Oh my God, I love London so much. It's so amazing here! As soon as I stepped off the plane I knew this is where I was supposed to be. Well, I knew as soon as I got through customs and met my friend George and his girlfriend, Lacey, at their car. Airports are stressful places; no one should want to be there.

The day after I went to my dad's grave I went into my manager's office and told him I wanted to transfer to any of our European stores if there were any positions available. Luck was on my side as they happened to be expanding the London market and were looking for in house talent. This made getting a visa SO much easier.

Everything else fell into place just as easily. My company paid for my move, the house I was renting was being sold so I didn't have to buy out my lease, and my mom gave me her blessing. The latter was such as shock as I was convinced she was going to break down in hysterics as soon as I mentioned moving but she was actually happy for me.

As soon as I found out that I could transfer with my job back home, I gave my friend George a call to see if he could help me find a place. We went to college together and he had asked me to come out there before but I wasn't in a good position to do so at the time.

He and Lacey are so sweet that they offered me their spare room and helped me through the arduous process of finding a place that wouldn't deplete my savings but that was in a safe(ish) neighborhood and close to my job.

It took a while, but I've just moved into my very own flat! I love saying that: Flat. It sounds so much cooler than apartment which is helping me not freak out about how much I'm paying for this place. It's super expensive to live here! I've got plenty of money to last me for a while, but still.

Between work and looking for a place to live my social life has been pretty non-existent so George and Lacey have set me up on a blind date. Apparently he's Lacey's agent's neighbor's son and he's "great." They're doubling with us so hopefully it won't be super awkward. Have I mentioned that I despise blind dates?

We're standing outside the restaurant that we're meeting him at and he's running a bit late. George and Lacey start talking about some play they're both up for when I see a guy coming up the sidewalk wearing the whitest tennis shoes I've EVER seen. The waistband of his pants rests about halfway down his thighs and he has a pristine white t-shirt tucked into it. His belt buckle is a giant rhinestoned 'P'. I look up at his face and his sunglasses are literally the largest metallic aviators that I have ever seen. To top it all off, his blonde hair is gelled spectacularly skyward with one of those big baseball caps with the flat brim perched precariously on top. I start snickering and turn towards George and Lacey to make fun of him when they both smile really big and turn towards him.

"Peter! You made it!" Oh my God. NOOOOOOOOOOO.

He speaks and his accent is so thick I can't understand a word he's saying. He high fives George and kisses Lacey's hand and fuck me he has a grill!

"Peter," George says, looking at me warily. "This is Emmy!"

He speaks again and he's smiling but I swear I make out something that sounds like "jiggly bits." Jesus.

"Yes," is all I say. I plaster a smile on my face. "Shall we go in?"

Peter puts his arm around me and it takes everything I have within me not to cringe away. I must be polite. I can't judge someone on looks and personality alone. Maybe he's just nervous. Oh God. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are tons of girls who would adore this guy. I am definitely not one of those girls.

The restaurant is dimly lit so it's really lucky that we have Peter's white as fuck shoes and rhinestone belt buckle to light our way.

Once we're seated a waiter comes and takes our drink orders. I have a feeling I'll need to stay sober tonight so I just get water. Peter looks at me incredulously, as if he could hardly believe I would order such a thing.

When the waiter leaves to get our drinks, Lacey tries to get the conversation started.

"So, Peter! What do you do?"

Honestly, I am trying SO hard to understand what he's saying. I think he's using a lot of slang that I don't understand yet. I look at George and he looks just as baffled as I am. I'm getting the feeling that George has only seen a picture of Peter and has not actually met him in real life. Lacey keeps the conversation going.

"Oh, you're between jobs! It's a pity the job market is so dead right now," Lacey says sympathetically.

Peter laughs and says some more things. I think I catch the words "living at home" and "allowance." Then I feel his hand touch my leg and start moving up. I look over at him, eyes wide, and he winks at me. What a fucking creep!

"Umm, if you guys will excuse me I need to use the ladies room, I'll be right back." I go to the bathroom and text everyone I know to call me so that I can fake an emergency and go home but of course I get no replies. Why is everyone always busy when I need them?? Ugh!

I walk as slowly as I can back to our table and Peter stands up when I get there and pulls my chair out. Well, that was kind of sweet. I smile at him and sit back down and his hand is immediately on my leg again.

"Oh my goodness, I forgot something in the bathroom! I'm so sorry! I'll be right back!" I look at George and shake my head very slightly and give him a look that lets him know that I actually will not be right back. He gives me a look that lets me know that he completely understands. I've always liked George, although after tonight I will no longer be trusting his matchmaking capabilities.

I get up from my chair and smile at everyone and make my way back to the restrooms. As our table is by the front door there's no way I can get out without them seeing me. When I get to the hallway that the restrooms are in I look around to see if there are any other ways out of the restaurant.

I'm at a complete loss until I hear one of the waitresses tell a waiter that she was going to go out back for a smoke break. Success! I'll follow her! I crouch down and bend my knees so that I won't be visible over the other diners. I curse myself for wearing the highest heels I own for this date only for them to make it harder for me to get away from it!

A few people look at me with distaste while other people look simply amused. The girl I'm following doesn't notice me until I follow her into the kitchen and a man chopping carrots exclaims at the sight of me.

"You're not supposed to be back here, miss!"

"I know! I know, I'm so sorry but I am on the most horrible blind date and I need to get out of here!"

"You can use the front door!"

"No, you don't understand! He's SITTING by the front door!"

While I'm pleading my case with the carrot cutter, I hear someone clear their throat and I turn around to see Sherlock Holmes and Bilbo fucking Baggins standing there talking to what looks like one of the restaurant's managers. It's a testament to how desperate I am that I am not passing out on the floor.

"Please, I swear, I'll do whatever you want if you just let me leave out the back door! I'll wash the dishes! I'm a very good dishwasher!"

"Miss, there are strict rules..."

"Go look at him! He's got a giant sideways baseball cap on!!! Don't you have rules about people wearing stupid hats in your establishment!?"

I hear snickering coming from behind me and then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look back behind me and see Benedict Cumberbatch smiling at the sous chef.

"Surely you can let the lady use the backdoor just this once. Haven't you ever been on a horrible blind date before?"

"Yes, yes I have. Alright, just this once! But don't tell anyone I let you do it!"

"Oh, thank you, THANK YOU! You have no idea how much you're saving me right now!" I turn to thank Benedict but when I look up at his face I stop. I have the most intense feeling of déjà vu that it almost takes my breath away. He has a gorgeous smile on his face and his eyes are kind of squinting a bit as if he too senses something familiar about me.

"Have we met before?" he asks me, still smiling.

"I don't believe so, I think I would remember that! Thank you soooo much for helping me out! I promise I'll buy everything you were ever in for myself and everyone I know! I owe you my life!"

He laughs. God he's gorgeous. "I promise that's not necessary. It's my pleasure to help a gorgeous woman such as yourself out of a tight spot."

"I bet you say that to all the girls you help out of the backdoor," I say as I wink at him. The carrot man clears his throat behind us and I suddenly remember that I'm supposed to be escaping. "Thank you again!"

I run to the back door and the girl who I had followed back here is coming back in from her smoke break. I smile wearily at her and exit before the door closes behind her.

I'm standing in the alley behind the restaurant trying to figure out which way to get home and reveling over the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch just helped me escape a bad date when the door I just came out of opens up again.

"Are you sure we haven't met before?"

I turn around and Benedict is poking his head out of the door.

"I'm quite certain. Unless you know something I don't."

He steps the rest of the way out the door and comes to stand in front of me.

"Would you like to go to dinner with me sometime?"

"Are you sure??" Did I just ask him if he was sure? What even am I?!

He laughs. "Quite sure." Oh my God, his voice is even deeper in person.

"Well, then yes. I would love to go to dinner with you."

"Great!" He hands me his cellphone. "Will you put your number in my mobile?"

"I guess that's important to have if you want to take me out on a date," I say as I go to his contacts and enter in my name and number. I click on the contact picture and take a picture of myself and add it to the contact info. "Just so you don't forget what I look like." I smile at him as I hand his phone back.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." He looks down at my contact information and smiles. "Emmy," he sighs my name and looks back at me. "It's lovely to meet you."

"Likewise. Enjoy your dinner." 

"Enjoy your escape," he says, lip twitching, and walks inside. 

Have I said how much I fucking LOVE London? Because I really do. Look at me, hobnobbing with celebs in the back of a restaurant! Getting asked out on a date by Benedict Cumberbatch! Moving here was such a great idea. 

Suddenly I hear George, Lacey, and Peter walking past the alley I'm in and I dive behind the restaurant's trash bins. Yes, London makes me feel so glamorous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end! Sad!!! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported this story. It's my very first and I know it's not perfect, but it means so much to me that you all have taken time out of your lives to read it :). I am eternally grateful to all of you! Ahhh, I'm getting a bit misty! I hope you enjoy!

So. Last night I got a phone call from Benedict Cumberbatch. Well, I got two phone calls. The first time he called I got so nervous that I dropped the phone and ran across my flat. I must have dropped it a bit too hard because it somehow turned itself off. Luckily he called again a little later and this time I had about half a bottle of wine inside of me to calm my nerves. 

He was really sweet on the phone, although it was hard to concentrate on anything but his voice vibrating through the ear piece. He must think I'm a total space cadet. He must not mind though because we have a date TONIGHT! 

I've spent the entire day getting ready. I went to the salon with Lacey as she convinced me to get everything waxed. I will never do this again as it was the most painful experience of my life. The lady doing it had to get Lacey to come in and convince me to let her wax the other half of my vagina because I kept yelling 'NO' at her. I also bought a new dress and new shoes (even higher heels than last night, r.i.p. to my feet) and new underwear. I don't plan on letting him see my underwear tonight, partly because my vagina is still pounding from the assault on it earlier, and partly because I try not to go too far on a first date. Key word being try. 

Right now it's five minutes 'til seven which gives me five minutes to calm myself down before he gets here. I'm a bit excited to say the least. Not only is he beautiful but he's famous and rich. What could we possibly have in common other than both of us being stunningly attractive? 

A knock at the door startles me from my thoughts. I carefully slide my feet into my new heels and walk slowly to the door. I haven't lived here long enough to know if you can hear my footsteps from the front door and I don't want him to think I'm too eager. I open the door and he almost takes my breath away. I'm hit with a similar déjà vu feeling as I was when we first met. I wonder what that's about? Maybe I've had a dream about him or something and I just can't remember it which is totally unsurprising. Of course my brain wouldn't want to remember a GOOD dream!

"Emmy, you look absolutely lovely." He takes my hand in his and kisses it and I stand there and blush like an idiot. "These are for you." 

He hands me the most gorgeous boquet of flowers I've ever seen and I blush even harder. Who am I? I don't even remember the last time I blushed! 

"Awww, thank you so much! You really didn't have to do that!" I take the flowers and walk to the kitchen to find a vase to put them in. "You look really nice too."

"Cheers! So, are you ready to go?" He walks into the kitchen and places his hand on my lower back and I have to concentrate to keep my knees from buckling. I know, I am a horrible woman for letting a man affect me this way but he is beautiful and it's been a really long time. 

"Yes, I am! Where are we going?" 

"Just a little restaurant down the street. Guarisco's, have you heard of it?" 

"We have a place with that name back home, but I doubt it's the same thing. Italian food?" 

"Yes, is that alright?" 

"It's perfect," I say, smiling at him. 

His phone rings suddenly and he takes it out of his pocket to check it.

"I'm so sorry, but I have to take this. It's my mum." 

"It's fine, take your call!" I smile at him and feel oddly giddy that he's talking to his mom. I fiddle around in my purse while he's talking to her and try not to overhear anything. I hear him say goodbye and he puts the phone back in his pocket. 

"Sorry about that. I'm going to my parent's house tomorrow and they wanted to make sure I'd remember something I'm bringing them. Ready to go?" 

"Yes," I say, unable to keep from smiling. 

"Then let's go," he says as he takes my hand and leads me out the door. 

~~~

The restaurant isn't anything like the one back home, but it seems really familiar for some reason. I guess most Italian places can look similar. We walk up to the restaurant and Ben gives them his name and he takes us to be seated. I smile and genuinely thank the man who led us to our seats and he totally winks at me. I look back at Benedict and he winks at me too. 

I begin looking at the menu to hide my goofy looking smile. I steal glances at him over the top of it to see him staring at me as well. His eyes crinkle so I know he must be smiling. This honestly feels like middle school! I feel so uncool right now. I should be confident! I should be commanding the conversation! I say the first thing that comes to my head. 

"So... what's it like being rich and famous?" Oh my God why am I even alive???

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry! You don't have to answer that! Pretend I didn't say it! Pretend I said 'Hey, seen any good movies lately?'"

"No, no it's fine," he laughs. "I was just making sure you said what I thought you said so that when I answered I wouldn't sound like a complete dick." 

"Ahh, so. What's it like??"

"It's bizarre, to be honest. But it has it's perks." He winks at me again. Heheheheeeeee. 

"I can't complain, especially since it got me out of the back door the other night." I smile at him as the waitress walks up to introduce herself and take our orders. I get pizza and Benedict gets calamari. I involuntarily make a face which he must have noticed because he asks me about it when the waitress leaves. 

"You don't like squid?" 

"I'm not a big fan of things that come out of the ocean." Suddenly I'm hit with another round of déjà vu. "God, I keep getting severe déjà vu vibes when I'm around you. It's so bizarre!" 

"Maybe it's because I'm the man of your dreams?"

"Ha! You wish. I'm sure there's a simple explanation, like I slept wrong or Mercury is in retrograde or some crazy shit like that. So, tell me about yourself! What kind of stuff do you like to do when you're not focusing on your riches and fame?" 

He laughs and we fall into easy conversation for the rest of the evening. Neither of us wants the date to end so we keep ordering more wine and more desert. Apparently we both talk a lot and we both love sweets which keeps us in the restaurant until closing time. 

We walk out of the restaurant and Benedict hails a cab. He opens the door and lets me climb in first and when he gets in he gives the cabbie my address. We're finally silent for the first time this evening. I have no idea what's made him stop talking but I'm trying to decide whether or not I care about my virtue. Should I just say 'fuck it' and invite him up? We don't have to have sex... we can just talk and maybe kiss a bit. He has gorgeous lips, I'd be doing myself a disservice if I didn't take advantage, right?

The cab stops and Ben asks the cabbie to wait for him so he can walk me to my door. 

"Emmy, I've had a lovely evening. Do you think we could do it again? Soon?"

"Of course. I had a great time too." I smile at him and he puts his hand on my cheek. 

"You're so bloody gorgeous." As soon as he says this he moves in to kiss me and I let him and he takes my breath away. Both of his hands are cradling my face now and our lips fit together perfectly. I grasp at his hips and pull him closer, feeling as if I can't get close enough to him, like I've been stuck outside on a dry, hot day and he's a tall glass of cold water. That sounds incredibly lame, but I swear that's what it feels like. 

He softly ends the kiss and slowly pulls away from me. I'm having a hard time opening my eyes and figuring out how to breathe. He puts his forehead to mine and I finally open my eyes to find him staring at them. 

"Um, Ben?" 

"Yes?"

"Do you want to come inside? For umm.. coffee or tea or whatever? Please?"

"Yes. Or whatever." 

"You should go tell the driver that he can go." 

He nods at me and runs down to the street to let the driver know what's happening. I pull my keys out of my purse and unlock the door and walk inside and Ben is right behind me. 

I walk into the kitchen and pull out my coffee and tea selection.

"So coffee or tea?" I ask, turning around to hold both of them up. He's standing really close to me and he's getting closer. The logical part of my brain, the really boring, really stupid, really annoying part is telling me to cool my jets because this is not proper for a first date. The fun part of my brain is telling me to get on that dick immediately.

"Er, whichever," he says, his voice nothing more than low frequency vibrations being sent directly to my center.

We stare at each other for a few more moments, he with his hands at his sides and me with one hand grasping a bag of coffee and the other a box of tea. All of a sudden he surges forward and I drop what I'm holding just as his arms wrap around me and push me onto the counter top. I immediately wrap my legs around his waist as he kisses me hard.

We both moan into the other as our kisses grow more and more heated. It's so good and so right that it makes me want to cry. He begins kissing down my neck, freeing my mouth, and I take this time to try and get things under control.

"So.." I begin until he finds that spot just below my ear. "Oooooohhhhhhhh Goddddddd." My panties totally just disintegrated but whatever. Let's try this again. "No to the coffee or tea then?" That came out a little more breathy than I intended.

He started kissing his way back up my neck and then lifted up his head to look at me. "Did YOU want any coffee or tea?"

I shake my head no.

"Do you want me?"

I laugh at how cheesy that was and then nod my head yes. "Do you want me?"

"I have since I first laid eyes on you." He finishes with a kiss on my forehead.

"Well, then. Would you like a tour of my place?" I hop down from the countertop and straighten out my dress, which had ridden up almost to my hips, took his hand and walked through my flat as fast as my heels would let me.

"Kitchen. Living room. Bathroom's through there. Bedroom. Ignore the Harry Potter shrine." He laughed the whole trip and didn't stop until I jumped on my bed and pulled him on top of me. We laughed in between kisses, not at anything in particular, I think we were both just exhilarated that this was happening.

I turned us over, straddled his hips, held his arms above his head and said "I have to tell you something. I don't normally do this."

"Nor do I," he says earnestly. 

"I just.. I feel this connection to you. I feel like we've done this before. I know we haven't, I'm just saying, I feel comfortable with you. Also, if we do this you still have to take me out on a date! None of that 'hit it and quit it' shit! I don't care if you're famous I--"

He sits up and stops my speech with a passionate kiss that makes me forget what I was saying in the first place. He pulls back and I look at him slightly dazed.

"I wouldn't dream of it, darling," he says, as he starts unzipping my dress. I start unbuttoning his shirt and we both help the other by pulling our own things off. Once my dress is over my head and off I see his expression and thank God I chose this bra and panty set in the store. I don't usually spend as much as I did on underwear but I wanted to have sex with myself when I saw it on me so I had to have it.

"Like what you see?" I ask with a smirk on my face. 

He nods, his mouth slightly open, his eyes staring at my chest. Yes, this bra was a totally worth the money. I put my fingers under his chin and push face up so that I can kiss his lips. He puts his hands on my thighs and pulls me toward him, spreading my legs further around him. 

We continue kissing and eventually he works my bra off and begins worshipping my breasts. Worshipping sounds so lame, but that's honestly what he's doing. He kisses every inch of them before he comes to my nipple and begins laving them with his tongue. I throw my head back and moan because I can't believe the sexiest man I've ever been in a room with is touching me like this. He moans along with me and I'd like to think he's thinking the same thing as me. 

Eventually he rolls us around and I'm beneath him. He slides down my body as he works his trousers and pants off and when he's done he pulls my panties off for good measure. He kisses his way back up my body, making sure to lavish attention everywhere, telling me how beautiful different parts of my body are. 

"Your legs are divine, Emmy. I could spend all day with my face between your thighs." 

His breath hitches when he gets to my cunt and sees it bare. He mumbles something but honestly I wasn't paying attention. I think I catch the words "this" and "new" but just afterwards he spreads my lips apart with his middle and pointer fingers and drags his tongue all the way up my slit so I wasn't really bothered to find out. He does this just once, and then continues slowly kissing up my belly, to the undersides of my breasts. 

"You have the most beautiful tits I've ever seen. So big --" He takes one nipple into his mouth and looks directly into my eye as he flicks his tongue over it. "So round --" he moves to the other and repeats the process, "- so soft." He puts his face in between them and kisses the skin there. 

By the time he makes it up to my lips my body is buzzing with anticipation. I can't even form the words to tell him how much I want him, how beautiful he's made me feel. I just look at him and try to convey it with my eyes, although it could never be enough. I feel so comfortable with him, and I have no idea why other than he's got me so turned on right now that I would literally do anything he asked. 

"Emmy, darling, are you sure you want to do this? We can stop if you want," he says in almost a whisper, his eyes on fire. 

I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. I pull his face down to mine and kiss him as tenderly as I can. I pull back, look into his eyes, my own eyes on the verge of tears and I whisper back to him, "If you don't have sex with me right now, I'm going to explode. Please, Ben. Please don't stop." 

He puts his forehead on mine and closes his eyes and lets out a breath of relief. He moves his right hand down between my legs and begins to play with my clit. I can hear the *snick* of his fingers as he enters two inside of me straight away. I marvel at how wet I must be and at the fact that the entire room isn't flooded as turned on as I am right now. 

He kisses me hard as he fingers me, my hips meeting his hands as his erection rubs hard on my thigh. I feel myself getting close and with great effort I stop him. 

"Ben, I need you inside me. I want you - ahhhhh - inside me when I come."

He does this sort of growl and pulls his fingers out of me and gets himself into position. I spread my legs and he guides himself in and as soon as he begins to slide inside of me it's absolute Heaven. I close my eyes in ecstasy but then he stops and I hear him whisper. 

"Emmy, sweetheart, look at me." I do and he's staring at me with an expression that takes my breath away. We continue looking at each other, my mouth getting wider with every inch that slides inside me. Once he's filled me to the hilt, a feeling of completeness, of relief, of joy, overtakes me and it takes an extreme effort not to cry. I pull his face down to mine again and kiss him with everything I have and he begins to move.

His movements are slow but purposeful at first. He runs the hand that isn't holding him up from my breasts to my hips, exploring my body as he kisses everything he can reach. My hands are clenching his hips, as if I could pull him completely inside of me if I tried hard enough. My entire body is wound tight with need for him, not just for his cock but for everything he is. I need him, I need him so bad that it scares me. I need him and I have no idea why and my tears begin to spill over. 

He hears me sniffle and his head moves down to kiss my shoulder and he whispers again so soft I almost don't hear it: "Oh Emmy, oh my darling, please remember me." He moves his hand behind my head and pulls my face to his and kisses me and I swear it's like breathing. I dare not open my eyes because I'm afraid to see the look on his face when he sees some poor girl crying over having sex with him. He begins to move faster and harder and I can feel that familiar warmth spreading in my center. He moves his hand away from my neck to play with my clit and as soon as he does it's all over. 

"Oh God, oh God, oh God. BEN!" 

"Yes, that's it darling, come for me." He begins thrusting harder and I hold on to him as tightly as I can while my body threatens to float away on the best, most intense orgasm of my life. 

I hear him calling my name in the middle of my release and I feel his seed deep inside me. My moans of ecstasy turn into a mixture of sobs and laughter. I hear him begin to laugh too and I turn to him and see his eyes are as red rimmed as mine feel. 

"That was amazing," I ask between two gulping breaths. 

"Indeed," he says, turning to me and smiling. 

"Why did you tell me to remember you?" 

"It's a long story," he says in a tired but hopeful voice. 

"I've got time," I say as I roll over and straddle him. "But first we should do that again." 

-End-

I thought I felt your shape but I was wrong.  
Really all I felt was falsely strong.  
I held on tight and closed my eyes  
It was dumb, I had no sense of your size.

It was dumb to hold so tight  
Oh, but last night --

On your birthday in the kitchen  
My grip was loose, my eyes were open.  
I felt your shape and heard you breathing.  
I felt the rise and the fall of your chest. 

I felt your falls, your winter snows  
Your gusty blows, your lava flow.  
I felt it all, your starry night.  
Your lack of light.  
With limp arms I could feel most of you.  
I hung around your neck independently,  
And my loss was overwhelmed,  
by this new depth I don't think I ever felt. 

\-- "I Felt Your Shape" - The Microphones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da! Thank you all so much again!


	21. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, there's more!

As soon as I was conscious I shot up in my bed, the events of the last forty-eight hours pouring over me like a bucket of ice water. I stretch out my arm and come back empty handed. She’s not here.

I crawl out of bed and walk to the loo. I’m barely done having a piss when I hear a knock at the door. I figure she’ll answer it but the knocking persists. She must have gone out.

I pull on a shirt and run down the stairs to answer the door and try and steel myself for whoever is waiting on the other side. It wouldn’t do to cry over some poor florist delivery boy.

Steel myself though I may, I almost faint when I open the door.

"Ben, darling, you look a fright! What is wrong?" My mum rushes toward me, reaching out to take hold of my shoulders.

I stare at her, drinking her in for a moment before I pull her to me in a tight embrace.

'It was a dream,' I think to myself. Only a dream. Relief washes over me and I step away from her and look at her once more.

"Not that I’m not pleased that you’re happy to see me, but do you mind explaining yourself?" My mum asks bemusedly.

"I had a bad dream is all, but it’s over now. What brings you over?"

My mum had come to bring me a script I had left at her and my father’s house. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was over there. Mum stays for a bit and we eat some left over cake that she had brought over last time she was here.

While she’s telling me about a new series she’s auditioning for my mind begins to wander to the dream. It was so real and seemed to last ages. I have vivid memories of all of it, and instead of fleeing from my mind the instant I think of them, the details stick. She sticks. The woman in my dream. Emmy.

As soon as she comes into my mind I begin to miss her. Her smile, her laugh, her gorgeous body, her voice… I shake my head and try to focus on what my mother is saying but it seems she’s stopped talking and is looking at me peculiarly.

"Are you sure you’re alright, son?"

"Yeah, mum, I’m fine. I suppose I slept a bit too much last night. I just need some coffee or something."

"Well, I had best be off anyway, lots of errands to run!" She stands and I follow suit and we say our goodbyes. As soon as she’s outside I go upstairs and lie back down.

~~~

The dream continued to bother me over the next few months. As soon as my mum left that first day I began to feel a sadness that stayed with me for months. A dream though she may have been, I felt her loss in all aspects of my life. I felt it most at night which caused me to develop an insomnia of the likes which I have never experienced before.

I’ve had roles that have kept me up at night of course, but this was different. The excitement of connecting with a new character is what would keep me up before - this time I was completely knackered but as crazy as it sounds I couldn’t sleep without her there. That was when I realized that it was a true problem.

I tried to do things to get my mind off of it. I went out perhaps a lot more than I should have and took part in a few one night stands that I’m not proud of, but nothing quelled the loneliness that plagued me or brought the sleep I was so desperate for.

Eventually my family and friends began to notice something was wrong. I brushed it off with them for weeks as I wasn’t keen on explaining my situation to them. I know how crazy it all sounds.

One night after dinner with my parents, my dad pulled me into his study and and told me that he was worried about me. It was then that I broke down and told him everything: the dream, the girl, the insomnia, the partying and the liaisons. He sat and listened without judgement and when I was done he told me that anyone as busy as I had been these last few years was bound to have some issues. Coming in and out of so many characters so often would put stress on anybody. He talked to me about seeing a psychiatrist and I agreed. I had my assistant make me an appointment the very next day. Of course talking to a professional helped immensely, as did the wonderful sleep aids she prescribed.

A few weeks and a few sessions later I was feeling like my old self again. I was going out with Martin tonight to touch base as we hadn’t seen each other in a while. We had planned on going to an Italian restaurant I’m rather fond of but Martin changed his mind at the last minute and we ended up going to another place where Martin knew the manager and had promised him he would visit.

We use the back entrance, and when we are talking with his friend I hear a voice that makes my heart stop.

"I know! I know, I’m so sorry but I am on the most horrible blind date and I need to get out of here!"

"You can use the front door!"

"No, you don’t understand! He’s SITTING by the front door!"

I turn my head and I see her. Emmy. Bloody fucking hell. I’ve been trying for months to forget her, to convince myself that she’s not real, yet here she stands. Martin clears his throat.

"Are you alright, mate? You look like you’ve seen a ghost." I look back to see his worried face staring at me.

"Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I think I know her."

"Go look at him! He’s got a giant sideways baseball cap on!!! Don’t you have rules about people wearing stupid hats in your establishment!?"

Martin hears this and starts chuckling. I walk toward her and put my hand on her shoulder because I have to prove to myself that she’s real, that she’s here. As soon as I touch her I can’t stop smiling and I try to help her out.

"Surely you can let the lady use the backdoor just this once. Haven’t you ever been on a horrible blind date before?" The cook seems to mull it over and he finally relents.

"Yes, yes I have. Alright, just this once! But don’t tell anyone I let you do it!"

"Oh, thank you, THANK YOU! You have no idea how much you’re saving me right now!" She turns around to face me and when her eyes meet mine I can swear I see a flicker of recognition in them.

"Have we met before?" I ask her, still unable to remove the grin from my face.

"I don’t believe so, I think I would remember that! Thank you soooo much for helping me out! I promise I’ll buy everything you were ever in for myself and everyone I know! I owe you my life!"

That’s my Emmy. I can’t believe this is happening, I can’t believe she’s real. I have so many questions and thoughts running through my mind but the emotion at the forefront is jubilation so I laugh. “I promise that’s not necessary. It’s my pleasure to help a gorgeous woman such as yourself.”

"I bet you say that to all the girls you help out of the back door," she says, winking at me. Gorgeous. "Thank you again! I hope you enjoy your evening!"

And then she’s gone. I stand there for a moment hardly daring to believe that I’m not dreaming right NOW. I stare at the door that she just walked out of and Martin walks up behind me.

"She was pretty."

"Understatement."

"Are you going to ask her out?"

"Um… yes. Yeah. Excuse me." I jog to the door and poke my head out and she’s still there. "Are you sure we haven’t met before?"

She turns to me and smiles. “I’m quite certain. Unless you know something I don’t.”

I hope I’m not crazy. I exit the restaurant completely and go to stand in front of her. She smells really nice and I surreptitiously glance at her tits and vividly remember their weight in my hands and their taste in my mouth. Ahhhh…

"Would you like to go to dinner with me sometime?"

"Are you sure??"

I laugh at how ridiculous she is. “Quite sure.”

"Well, then yes. I would love to go to dinner with you."

"Great!" Now to find out her name. "Will you put your number in my mobile?"

"I guess that’s important to have if you want to take me out on a date." She takes my phone from me and enters in her information. Suddenly she holds the phone up to take a picture of herself. "Just so you don’t forget what I look like."

"I couldn’t even if I wanted to." One look at her contact information is all I need. "Emmy." It’s her. "It’s lovely to meet you."

I have no idea what’s happening. I have no idea what any of this means. All I know is I’m going to have fun finding out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything that happened in the story CEASED to happen as soon as Kendall reversed everything. She is really crappy at what she does, bless her, and because she focused all of her energies on Emmy, she forgot to take away Ben’s memories. Now, because the things didn’t actually happen, his memories are more like a dream to him. A really vivid and detailed dream. He remembers EVERYTHING, but because things didn’t change as much for him as they did for Emmy, it was easier for him to pass it off as a dream, no matter how hard it was for him to do so. Emmy remembers nothing, Ben isn’t sure what the hell to believe, but now that he’s found Emmy he’s going to try and get to know her and go from there.
> 
> As for Kendall, I’d like to think she’s essentially quit her job and has moved on to bigger and better things. Her heart was in the right place!
> 
> I really want to do some one shots, but right now I’m working on a new story and those will hopefully come in the future. Again, if you guys have any questions then I’d love to answer them for you! I know my plotting leaves things to be desired, this is the first thing I’ve ever written and FINISHED so perhaps I was a bit too bold hahaha. Again, thank you all SO MUCH for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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